Krisluvsdogs Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 K, Hampsters, I was looking in my computer files and I came across this story. Now I know I posted this a long time ago and I've always wanted to write a companion story to this from the guy point of view but I'm not sure if I should do his version of the story or start his pov after she leaves... I need help! So, please! Just isn’t so Karen stared blankly at Jade. What was she supposed to say? After six months apart, Karen had gained the courage to shallow her pride and ask her ex boyfriend on a lunch date. Now here she was listening to him talk to her about how great his new girlfriend was!?! Well, Karen was to say the least was shocked. She had loved him for the longest time, pined over him, for the past six months and just after a month he had a new flame. At least that was what she caught from the strange new language that was coming from her ex’s mouth. Karen looked at Jade and could remember clearly when he would stare at her the way he looked now talking about this …this Lisa. She now hated the name Lisa and wished that her hair was brown instead of the strawberry blond that she was born with. Staring at her tuna salad, Karen made the decision to be kind. It wasn’t his fault that he had moved on. It was hers for holding on to a love that just wasn’t true. Karen had hoped that after six months Jade would still feel the flame she did. That he would understand that even though they were so busy before that they could work out their problems. Six months before, Jade and Karen were happy and carefree but of course, every couple had problems. Theirs had been too much time at work and not enough time together. Both of them had been trying to get their lives back on track and jump start their careers. They grew apart but both still felt the love and passion that had brought them together. The added bonus was they both had the same group of friends. Now the same problems and group of friends did nothing but separate them. He had moved on, Karen just had to live with that. Now if only the world didn’t end and she could just somehow fake her joy for him when inside she wanted to scream and cry because of the pain. She was a professional Broadway actress so she could pull it off. Oh who was she kidding, she was miserable without him in her life. Moving stiffly, Karen looked up at Jade and caught his eyes lingering on her lips. Did he remember what it used to be like between them? Karen doubted it. She smiled but could tell that he was suspecting it falseness. Looking him dead in the eye she tried hard to see if he loved her anymore, she saw nothing. Karen blinked and washed away the unruly emotions that had swarmed her eyes; she had never liked to show her emotions very much. Probably because she was Seto Kabia’s cousin, it ran in the family. “Well, I’m glad you’re so happy. But I can’t stay. So Goodbye.” She reached for her bill and was stopped by his hand. It was still warm and comforting. Karen looked down to conceal the tell tale tears in her eyes. “Wait, you haven’t told me about yourself and what you been doing the past few months. And I saw your show, you were amazing! So what have you been doing lately? Well, besides the show obviously.” “I really would love to tell you but I must go. I have this meeting and…” She trailed off. “Well, then let me pay for your meal.” Jade said. “No, that’s fine” “But…” Karen looked up and Jade was surprised to see the change in her mannerism. She said very coolly and calmly, “I’m not your problem anymore, so don’t worry about me. We’re not on a date and I’m old enough to pay for my meal. I really must go so I think I’ll just leave.” Shocked, Jade let her get up and pay for her meal. When she was about to turn to go, he stopped her and said, “Can we meet again? I really want to hear your voice again” Karen looked up quickly and smiled, “Yes, I’ll be glad to meet. You should even bring Lisa!” And with the courage that she had gain in the last six months, Karen walked out the door and left her one true love staring after her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krisluvsdogs Posted October 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 FEEDBACK is REALLY NEEDED!!!!!! thnks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 What Ann Rule does in her true crime books, is to write the point of view from the victim or victim's family, the point of view from the killer and the point of view from the police and investigators. I think you should follow her method and write the guy's point of view next. This is fabulous and I have wanted you to continue and now, hopefully you will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krisluvsdogs Posted October 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 of the story or start after ward when she leaves? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 of the story or start after ward when she leaves? Sometimes my mind works faster than my paws can type, so I think I have written something and there is a blank in my thinking when someone else reads it. Ann Rule writes a segment (number of chapters) from a date in the past, to a particular place just after the murder, for each point of view. Then she finishes the last segment with everybody together. This segment starts at the point where she left off then continues until the crime is solved and then some to make sure all the loose ends are tied up. Either way you decide to write, I am certain it will be wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krisluvsdogs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thanks! Your advice is great. However, I would like advice form other hampster, please! I think what I might do is that he reviews and goes on ward ... I'm not sure... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 31, 2009 Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 Thanks! Your advice is great. However, I would like advice form other hampster, please! I think what I might do is that he reviews and goes on ward ... I'm not sure... Would you notice if I registered as a newbie and then posted a comment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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