xMyOwnMindx Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 even when i have no time at all i can find time to mess up im not extremely upset but i should be im a huge disappointment im a disgraceful mess and i couldnt hate myself more my life is meaning less cuz thats how i feel so thats how it is my mind is weak my body makes me scik ill never be strong i dont know why i dont run away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 even when i have no time at alli can find time to mess up im not extremely upset but i should be im a huge disappointment im a disgraceful mess and i couldnt hate myself more my life is meaning less cuz thats how i feel so thats how it is my mind is weak my body makes me scik ill never be strong i dont know why i dont run away You're not a disssapointment. You're smart. YOu will be strong you just have to work at it. In the words of doctor phil (>_<) "It's ok to feel sad" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted October 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2007 im so mad. i was doing so good. idk wut happpened :[ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 13, 2007 Report Share Posted October 13, 2007 im so mad. i was doing so good.idk wut happpened :[ You will get back on track. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted October 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2007 im so mad. i was doing so good.idk wut happpened :[ You will get back on track. i doubt it. theres just something in me holding me back. maybe i just dont want to succeed enough to do it its sad but im lazy and busy and when your body its so easy to give up its like im trying really hard sometimes just to give it all away i feel like im not even living me own life cuz everyone controls me where i go what i do im not even me\ i dont have time to be me its like.. i wanna just sit and chill but noooo gotta go home just to get grounded or just to get ready for work reality is eating me and i feel like everyone else has it so different like yea, we all gotta work but some of my friends can chill out at work others work like an hour a day(cuz BB closes at 4) i feel like when i stepp into work i stepp into action for 6 hours and i get home with enough time to get some work done and go to bed without showering without burshing my teeth without doing any crunches(i used to do 100 a night) without feeling okay about the moment or tomorrow i just lay there, waiting for a seconds peace where i can use my stress relieving lotion and just sit and wonder if i had too much in my life sometimes i go to sleep crying cuz my mom puts me in a dark place sometimes but in the end i know i really do deserve it im a pretty horrible kid i lie to live my life and i know it isnt fair to anyone but you do wut you gotta do and life moves on but sometimes i just lay there thinking of all the things i could be getting done sometimes i get up and put my contacts in and clean my room or something when i know sleep is just impossible at the time but the best times i get to sleep are when im burnt and tired and the sleep is peaceful and uninterupted when i get more sleep i feel better about myself and in general sleep is hard to come by when your really stressed or really upset or just dispointed in how your life is going i mean i guess its not so bad and i know i should know better for the things i do but i dont care im sad enough if i dont destroy myself slowly or make myself better i feel defeated and suicidal it happens quite alot not today but often enough so right now i should be showering ive got work in 10 hours sounds like sweet sleep to me anything other 5 is sweet sleep. my stomach is all full and rebelious im not used to it my hair is dirty and my pimples are getting worse i stopped loosing weight but all my pants are a bit too big idk wut im gonna do i dont have the cash or any more time to work for it as is i only ususally have tuesday and friday off. i spend them boringly playing halo 'up' with my friends pretty uh.. 'stink'y well im gonna shower but im not gonna close the box. im gonns come back and a type out more mindless 'things' im wearing like 4 shirts cuz i thought i was gonna be working outside at the badnfestival from 8 to 10 but i ditched it ha my friend lives across the street from school and some of them came over to visit and it didnt take much to convince me that leaving would be more fun everyone i was there with was like "take me with you!" " bring me something" but yea they had to work i technically didnt sign up cuz i had work when it was decided i sent an email that i never checked for a reply to that means i wasnt techincally working it was only community service anyway ha that 'stuffs' everywhere man. anyway im gonna take off the 12 articles of clothing im wearin (including 2 pairs of socks,leggings,jeans, 2 tank tops and a long sleeve shirt) ha, so i took off like 2 shirts, 2 hoodies and PJ pants off already it madddd cold out i was prepared last year it rained that was ''''''''''''''''''''' yea im gonna shower a good 25 mins later... im really cold now im wrapped in 2 towels and im freezing im going to sleep soon to get my amazing sleep so im gonna go cuz i pretty much just layed out my life up thuuuurrrr lol peace out<3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 14, 2007 Report Share Posted October 14, 2007 *decides to give Lauren a big hammy bear hug* :blink: :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted October 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2007 *decides to give Lauren a big hammy bear hug* :blink: :blink: ha ha por quaa? i love ranting when im kinda tipsy lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 14, 2007 Report Share Posted October 14, 2007 *decides to give Lauren a big hammy bear hug* :blink: :blink: ha ha por quaa? i love ranting when im kinda tipsy lol Well, your writing is still great, tipsy or not. As for the hug, you just needed it for no reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted October 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2007 *decides to give Lauren a big hammy bear hug* :blink: :blink: ha ha por quaa? i love ranting when im kinda tipsy lol Well, your writing is still great, tipsy or not. As for the hug, you just needed it for no reason. thats cool but that doesnt leave much to conversate about thats not a word and idc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taynio Posted October 24, 2007 Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 *decides to give Lauren a big hammy bear hug* :blink: :blink: ha ha por quaa? i love ranting when im kinda tipsy lol Well, your writing is still great, tipsy or not. As for the hug, you just needed it for no reason. thats cool but that doesnt leave much to conversate about thats not a word and idc Forgive my ignorance... But what is "tipsy"? I could google it.. I feel too lazy right now. Drained... emotionally, phsyically, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted October 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2007 *decides to give Lauren a big hammy bear hug* :blink: :blink: ha ha por quaa? i love ranting when im kinda tipsy lol Well, your writing is still great, tipsy or not. As for the hug, you just needed it for no reason. thats cool but that doesnt leave much to conversate about thats not a word and idc Forgive my ignorance... But what is "tipsy"? I could google it.. I feel too lazy right now. Drained... emotionally, phsyically, etc. not quiet drunk [yet] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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