xMyOwnMindx Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 you think its perfectly fine to fight me to throw a garbage can at me to steal from me and continue life they think its perfectly fine to invade all personal choices and rights of their little girl to crash into a mind in development each word a dagger in a lonely mind we're done with this old enough for future plans plans to downsize and get out life's harsh lessons might sting but i need to live without you ill find happiness ill find misery with or without you but i dont need you anymore you make me feel like an animal why dont i give back to my owners who feed me? just like they're supposed to all my opinons are wrong and its hard to live in constant negativity its hard to get out and a reach out for help gets a slapped hand and a couple bruises its not alright to want to kill me its not alright to trap me or hurt me its not okay to abuse your power its not okay to lie to the world and secretly pain your little girl your my parents, you gave me everything you gave me life and for that i love you but you wont let me live it and thats why i hate you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 :blink: :blink: *is at a loss for words* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted May 18, 2007 Report Share Posted May 18, 2007 wow unfortunately, some of this I can relate to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamster Luver Posted May 23, 2007 Report Share Posted May 23, 2007 why why why cant i write like this! i feel like this sometimes, and writing it down or having atleast 1 person to talk to seems like it would help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted May 23, 2007 Report Share Posted May 23, 2007 why why why cant i write like this! i feel like this sometimes, and writing it down or having atleast 1 person to talk to seems like it would help You need to come here when you feel bad, and just write whatever comes out. That is a way to start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted May 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2007 why why why cant i write like this! i feel like this sometimes, and writing it down or having atleast 1 person to talk to seems like it would help i wish i could see my talent. im sure if you write more and more you could write better then me in a second Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted May 30, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2007 i feel so hollow if i were to kill myself id plan out every second of it for years like i have if i were to kill myself i'd fill my tub with warm water the perfect temperature not too hot or too cold if i were to kill myself i'd wear the pretty dress my mommy bought me its black with dark and light pink flowers it fits just perfectly i havent found the occasion for it yet if i were to kill myself id clean the razor blade first sharpen it for luck if i were to kill myself it would be on a saturday night a nice warm one a day that was sunny untill the moon came out if i were to kill myself my note would read burn everything in my room if i were to kill myself id have perfect scars at my funeral my funeral that i've asked not to have but you'd have one anyway for the family noone gives a d___ what i wouldve wanted even though ive told you alot i can tell youre not listening if i were to kill myself id blast "three little birds" on repeat hoping it takes hours to discover what ive become if i were to kill myself id do it while i was young id do it this year id do it despite how selfish it is id do it for myself and this world Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 thoughts in math class as i ponder outload our meaningless exsistance all thoughts of hope have deminished and my Suicidal ideation sorrounds me every thought i no longer wish to breathe at least shes not completely alone neither am i but id trade at least she slips out somtimes forever i stay haunted by my own body in my mins it creeps and every momment ive given up for it kills a bit more of me inside ive given in, ive given up it holds all power cuz i just cant care enough to try to stop it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2007 so i pretty much wanna leave. nothing personal. but this is one more place i use to escape life. so idk wut now? maybe ill live a little more. im not sleeping tonight so ill probably be back although my 2 cents arent worth that and neither is anything else. i think i need a bit of therapy and a really great boyfriend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted June 6, 2007 Report Share Posted June 6, 2007 so i pretty much wanna leave. nothing personal.but this is one more place i use to escape life. so idk wut now? maybe ill live a little more. im not sleeping tonight so ill probably be back although my 2 cents arent worth that and neither is anything else. i think i need a bit of therapy and a really great boyfriend We are your friend. Hopefully you know that. Your 2 cents is worth one million dollars. Therapy would be good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 6, 2007 Report Share Posted June 6, 2007 so i pretty much wanna leave. nothing personal.but this is one more place i use to escape life. so idk wut now? maybe ill live a little more. im not sleeping tonight so ill probably be back although my 2 cents arent worth that and neither is anything else. i think i need a bit of therapy and a really great boyfriend We are your friend. Hopefully you know that. Your 2 cents is worth one million dollars. Therapy would be good. I advocate therapy!! and I like your 2cents. it's interesting, and we like to hear from you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 eh i just done know anymore. i wish somethng would kill me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 10, 2007 Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 10, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Absolutely! You, like Topazia, have the power of the pen to change the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Absolutely! You, like Topazia, have the power of the pen to change the world. pgkjdfhgkljdghkf i dont want to change the world anymore just end mine im sorry if that makes you sad its reality i dont want to live anymore Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Absolutely! You, like Topazia, have the power of the pen to change the world. pgkjdfhgkljdghkf i dont want to change the world anymore just end mine im sorry if that makes you sad its reality i dont want to live anymore Lauren, please make a decision to see a psychologist. This should help you get rid of the thoughts of ending your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mega Wolf Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Absolutely! You, like Topazia, have the power of the pen to change the world. pgkjdfhgkljdghkf i dont want to change the world anymore just end mine im sorry if that makes you sad its reality i dont want to live anymore Lauren, you need to get some help. I'm sorry Horatio, but that was phrased somewhat in a funny way. XD Hey, Lauren. I know what it's like not to want to live. In my insanity, I have days where I wonder about basically everything. Identity, eternity, what death is like. But eventually, I always go, you know what? I have nothing better to do with my life except for live it. Might as well make it great, seeing as I haven't got anything better to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Absolutely! You, like Topazia, have the power of the pen to change the world. pgkjdfhgkljdghkf i dont want to change the world anymore just end mine im sorry if that makes you sad its reality i dont want to live anymore Lauren, please make a decision to see a psychologist. This should help you get rid of the thoughts of ending your life. I'm sorry Horatio, but that was phrased somewhat in a funny way. XD Hey, Lauren. I know what it's like not to want to live. In my insanity, I have days where I wonder about basically everything. Identity, eternity, what death is like. But eventually, I always go, you know what? I have nothing better to do with my life except for live it. Might as well make it great, seeing as I haven't got anything better to do. You were right. How's the correction? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mega Wolf Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Absolutely! You, like Topazia, have the power of the pen to change the world. pgkjdfhgkljdghkf i dont want to change the world anymore just end mine im sorry if that makes you sad its reality i dont want to live anymore Lauren, please make a decision to see a psychologist. This should help you get rid of the thoughts of ending your life. I'm sorry Horatio, but that was phrased somewhat in a funny way. XD Hey, Lauren. I know what it's like not to want to live. In my insanity, I have days where I wonder about basically everything. Identity, eternity, what death is like. But eventually, I always go, you know what? I have nothing better to do with my life except for live it. Might as well make it great, seeing as I haven't got anything better to do. You were right. How's the correction? Sounds better. =D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 eh i just done know anymore.i wish somethng would kill me keep doing what you're doing and you'll get your wish. sweet lol no one is gonna kill me cept myself that makes me sad. my bad it makes me sad that death is an escape. you're my friend, so I care about you. when you make poor choices, I'm going to be sad, because a] I can't do anything and b] I see a good friend throwing her potential away. eh. my life really isnt that important. dont stress over it Your life IS that important. Friends, even internet friends, care about you. nobody is a nobody. everybody is somebody...and not just somebody, but somebody in particular. you're not meaningless, nor are you unimportant. every life is worth more than we imagine. dont think ill ever see it like that i have nothing positive to contribute to the world you can write! you're my friend! that's enough!!! so i can put words on paper and make someone smile / bring them down like mad and thats enough to live for? Absolutely! You, like Topazia, have the power of the pen to change the world. pgkjdfhgkljdghkf i dont want to change the world anymore just end mine im sorry if that makes you sad its reality i dont want to live anymore Lauren, please make a decision to see a psychologist. This should help you get rid of the thoughts of ending your life. I'm sorry Horatio, but that was phrased somewhat in a funny way. XD Hey, Lauren. I know what it's like not to want to live. In my insanity, I have days where I wonder about basically everything. Identity, eternity, what death is like. But eventually, I always go, you know what? I have nothing better to do with my life except for live it. Might as well make it great, seeing as I haven't got anything better to do. You were right. How's the correction? Sounds better. =D Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 17, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2007 eh. i might get therapy. i dont wanna die at the moment. just dont really wanna go pretend that father's day means anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 18, 2007 Report Share Posted June 18, 2007 Please don't hurt yourself, Lauren. You do have friends that care about you here. Just by being who you are, you make a difference in the world. You contribute by being Lauren. Your ideas, your writings, everything you say and do makes a difference in at least one other person's life, as well as yours. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem that can, in fact, be fixed with some therapy that doesn't include a million drugs that have "may cause suicidal thoughts" right next to "Drowsiness, dizziness...do not operate machinery unti you know how this drug affects you". I would know. Hold onto at least a little bit of hope. You'd be surprised what that can do. As you grow up, you'll see a change in the world around you that is nothing more than a maturing of your own mind. You'll see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2007 none of that matters to me right now. all i know is that I need to change im all ive got and im NOT OKAY with me im not im not im not god i wanna cry im not okay i feel like i missed all the fundimentals of growing up somehow maybe its cuz i cant absorb and now idk how im gonna function at my job cuz i cant pretend to be happy and i dont have any social skills i never learned cuz i never cared and for a while i didnt want to live and i shut down and now im "better" but still broken there are some things very wrong idk wut to do i fjdskfjskljd up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted June 19, 2007 Report Share Posted June 19, 2007 none of that matters to me right now.all i know is that I need to change im all ive got and im NOT OKAY with me im not im not im not god i wanna cry im not okay i feel like i missed all the fundimentals of growing up somehow maybe its cuz i cant absorb and now idk how im gonna function at my job cuz i cant pretend to be happy and i dont have any social skills i never learned cuz i never cared and for a while i didnt want to live and i shut down and now im "better" but still broken there are some things very wrong idk wut to do i fjdskfjskljd up stop trying so hard to be something you're not. you're not perfect, and you never will be. there are so many things I can say that can try to build you up, but it's always up to you to make a choice. you have social skills; you manage to have friends, right? you just need to hone them. I never learned how to communicate with people either. ...then I worked as an outgoing lifeguard for a summer. lol I kinda had to learn fast. well, surprisingly few people are okay with themselves, Lauren. It's normal. (I loathe that word, but it is.) Part of growing up, and you seem to have it, is being honest about what you're feeling. The more you try to hide it, the harder life is going to be. Sometimes, you need to just let go of everything, including your own sense of pride/dignity/whatever you want to call it... Like, go out somewhere where there aren't a whole lot of streetlights and stuff, and lie down and look at the stars (make sure you're not in a street or other dangerous place) for a while. Try to find shapes like Orion or the Big Dipper. Or, if you have a free day, go out and find shapes in the clouds (kitty, dragon, mashed potatoes). It's childish, but by doing something carefree and just living in that one moment, you can start to feel better. It helps to find a simple, creative-yet-mindless activity to do every once in a while. And there's nothing wrong with crying. Despite the ensuing headache, it is great stress-relief. you're right, you do need to change, but you also need to find a way to relax without depending on a drug, drink, or male friend to make you temporarily happy. Ideas often come by serendipity, that is, when you stop looking for them. Looking at clouds or stars can help by distracting you until something comes. If I lived somewhere where that was possible, I'd do it every chance I got. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2007 none of that matters to me right now.all i know is that I need to change im all ive got and im NOT OKAY with me im not im not im not god i wanna cry im not okay i feel like i missed all the fundimentals of growing up somehow maybe its cuz i cant absorb and now idk how im gonna function at my job cuz i cant pretend to be happy and i dont have any social skills i never learned cuz i never cared and for a while i didnt want to live and i shut down and now im "better" but still broken there are some things very wrong idk wut to do i fjdskfjskljd up stop trying so hard to be something you're not. you're not perfect, and you never will be. there are so many things I can say that can try to build you up, but it's always up to you to make a choice. you have social skills; you manage to have friends, right? you just need to hone them. I never learned how to communicate with people either. ...then I worked as an outgoing lifeguard for a summer. lol I kinda had to learn fast. well, surprisingly few people are okay with themselves, Lauren. It's normal. (I loathe that word, but it is.) Part of growing up, and you seem to have it, is being honest about what you're feeling. The more you try to hide it, the harder life is going to be. Sometimes, you need to just let go of everything, including your own sense of pride/dignity/whatever you want to call it... Like, go out somewhere where there aren't a whole lot of streetlights and stuff, and lie down and look at the stars (make sure you're not in a street or other dangerous place) for a while. Try to find shapes like Orion or the Big Dipper. Or, if you have a free day, go out and find shapes in the clouds (kitty, dragon, mashed potatoes). It's childish, but by doing something carefree and just living in that one moment, you can start to feel better. It helps to find a simple, creative-yet-mindless activity to do every once in a while. And there's nothing wrong with crying. Despite the ensuing headache, it is great stress-relief. you're right, you do need to change, but you also need to find a way to relax without depending on a drug, drink, or male friend to make you temporarily happy. Ideas often come by serendipity, that is, when you stop looking for them. Looking at clouds or stars can help by distracting you until something comes. If I lived somewhere where that was possible, I'd do it every chance I got. uhh *straches head* .. a. i am ALWAYS gonna try to be something im not i LOATHE me i was born to the wrong people, in the wrong place AND time i hate life its not changining b.i will ALWAYS strive to be perfect b/c even THAT only means brushing my teeth everyday im lazy ill never be perfect i must always always try plus your BODY is a reflection of YOU and your strengths and if not for the sake of everyones eyes, but the sake of mine and wut i have to live with.. i will CONSTANTLY be striving for perfection i dont care wut the consequences are c. i WILL BE okay with myself i cant live like this and if i continue to feel this way i will, most definaly, take my life. d. ive never hide a single feeling.... do you READ my posts? lol theyre all stupid mushy get-over-yourself feelings.. e. i dont know what pride feels like. f. i do that alot. im outside everyday. g. crying can _________ my __________. h. relaxation.. music,darkness,friends,'green',partying,fires,showers,POKEMON!! i, my friend, can relaxxxx like theres noo tomorrow. those are my 2 cents. and i think i am quite right Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted June 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2007 ps- the end of that was "i dont know what to do" and i wasnt really looking for 'lay in a field' that doesnt really fix anything that im trying to FIX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 ps- the end of that was "i dont know what to do"and i wasnt really looking for 'lay in a field' that doesnt really fix anything that im trying to FIX let yourself fail. let yourself be imperfect. this is who you are, learn to see that. the more you change yourself, the more you'll hate yourself. try finding relaxing things...BESIDES drugs and partying and stuff. the body is merely the shell in which you live on this planet. YOU are a very insightful person. your body doesn't matter. you have friends, and I'll bet they like you for YOU, not your appearance. I mean, that's why I like the internet, because people can't judge others by appearance. it's about presentation of character, not body. you won't be okay until you let yourself see who we see. I see a smart, young, powerful mind trapped in materialistic lies. I see a girl who is lost in herself and won't see the way out until she either dies (when it's too late) or lets herself think long enough to puzzle the maze out. you hide from your parents, from what I've read. pride....what is something you're good at, or something you have that you like to brag about? that is something you're proud of. the feeling you have when you succeed is pride. you underestimate the power of emotion. you can believe what you say if you want. just know that what I say, I say out of experience, from my own life and from my RL friends' lives. I'm a writer, my imagination is vivid enough to know what you feel, whether you believe me or not, whether I can explain it accurately enough to make you wonder or not. That's all. GB -PaZ- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. Wow. Thank you for your poem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. Wow. Thank you for your poem. your welcome but it's meant for lauren and i hope it helps Kay<3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. Wow. Thank you for your poem. your welcome but it's meant for lauren and i hope it helps Kay I know it is meant for her, but there are more people in Lauren's shoes than you would know. LifesEagle was a big time poster and then she sort of disappeared. When she returned she told us about having these same feelings, but she did not know what we would think of her had she told us what she was thinking at the time. We love her unconditionally. It is great that LifesEagle is past that rough time in her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. Wow. Thank you for your poem. your welcome but it's meant for lauren and i hope it helps Kay<3 I know it is meant for her, but there are more people in Lauren's shoes than you would know. LifesEagle was a big time poster and then she sort of disappeared. When she returned she told us about having these same feelings, but she did not know what we would think of her had she told us what she was thinking at the time. We love her unconditionally. It is great that LifesEagle is past that rough time in her life. oh Kay<3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted July 29, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. thanks but i was just being emo suicide is stupid and weak ive always known that i always knew cutting was wrong too maybes its summer maybe ive got something to do ALL the time almost maybe im trying to fit all my friends into my schedule maybe im excited about life n stuff maybe ive got money now maybe i feel control now maybe ive found perfect music maybe im on people's good side maybe its my new ipod maybe i went on vacation maybe i decided on day im gonna have kids maybe ive thought a bit about college(a BIT) maybe ive rediscovered books maybe ive stopped PMSing maybe ive cleared my head maybe nothings been really wrong lately maybe ive changed maybe ive grown maybe lifes too short maybe loves out there maybe im just along for this ride and i dont know what i want. or who i want to know. or what i want to listen to all i know is a want a future even in the darkest of days deep down i am OKAY and i know that life goes on and i do feel like killing myself in some part of me i do feel alone i do feel weak and helpless and small i do feel worthless and hideous i do feel friendless and scared i do feel fat and disgusting and disgraceful but my life is good and i love it and ill work through all the bull. and im perfectly fine i apperciate all the conerns i hate to put people down idk why i went on like that silly me forgive? <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. thanks but i was just being emo suicide is stupid and weak ive always known that i always knew cutting was wrong too maybes its summer maybe ive got something to do ALL the time almost maybe im trying to fit all my friends into my schedule maybe im excited about life n stuff maybe ive got money now maybe i feel control now maybe ive found perfect music maybe im on people's good side maybe its my new ipod maybe i went on vacation maybe i decided on day im gonna have kids maybe ive thought a bit about college(a BIT) maybe ive rediscovered books maybe ive stopped PMSing maybe ive cleared my head maybe nothings been really wrong lately maybe ive changed maybe ive grown maybe lifes too short maybe loves out there maybe im just along for this ride and i dont know what i want. or who i want to know. or what i want to listen to all i know is a want a future even in the darkest of days deep down i am OKAY and i know that life goes on and i do feel like killing myself in some part of me i do feel alone i do feel weak and helpless and small i do feel worthless and hideous i do feel friendless and scared i do feel fat and disgusting and disgraceful but my life is good and i love it and ill work through all the bull. and im perfectly fine i apperciate all the conerns i hate to put people down idk why i went on like that silly me forgive? <3 You're welcome. And that was beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted July 31, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. thanks but i was just being emo suicide is stupid and weak ive always known that i always knew cutting was wrong too maybes its summer maybe ive got something to do ALL the time almost maybe im trying to fit all my friends into my schedule maybe im excited about life n stuff maybe ive got money now maybe i feel control now maybe ive found perfect music maybe im on people's good side maybe its my new ipod maybe i went on vacation maybe i decided on day im gonna have kids maybe ive thought a bit about college(a BIT) maybe ive rediscovered books maybe ive stopped PMSing maybe ive cleared my head maybe nothings been really wrong lately maybe ive changed maybe ive grown maybe lifes too short maybe loves out there maybe im just along for this ride and i dont know what i want. or who i want to know. or what i want to listen to all i know is a want a future even in the darkest of days deep down i am OKAY and i know that life goes on and i do feel like killing myself in some part of me i do feel alone i do feel weak and helpless and small i do feel worthless and hideous i do feel friendless and scared i do feel fat and disgusting and disgraceful but my life is good and i love it and ill work through all the bull. and im perfectly fine i apperciate all the conerns i hate to put people down idk why i went on like that silly me forgive? <3 You're welcome. And that was beautiful. thanx :] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 Lauren, My poem to you I know you don't know me that well. I feel i know you through your writing. You're an amazing writer. You've got a talent that I've never seen before. Belive me when i say I know what it feels like to want to end your life. I'm one of those peopl. I've realized that since people care about me there is a meaning to life. You, my friend, are talented and smart. I wish i could have the talent you do. I can't just sit and write about anything. Like my surroundings, my poetry changes a lot. If you end your life you'll have nothing to give anymore. You will be missed. You may not know it now, but you will. We all care about you here. You're my inspiration. You may not understand it. You made me realize that if i end my life i'll never see my friends again. I got help and now I'm happy. I feel the meaning of life running through my veins. I want you to feel that too. thanks but i was just being emo suicide is stupid and weak ive always known that i always knew cutting was wrong too maybes its summer maybe ive got something to do ALL the time almost maybe im trying to fit all my friends into my schedule maybe im excited about life n stuff maybe ive got money now maybe i feel control now maybe ive found perfect music maybe im on people's good side maybe its my new ipod maybe i went on vacation maybe i decided on day im gonna have kids maybe ive thought a bit about college(a BIT) maybe ive rediscovered books maybe ive stopped PMSing maybe ive cleared my head maybe nothings been really wrong lately maybe ive changed maybe ive grown maybe lifes too short maybe loves out there maybe im just along for this ride and i dont know what i want. or who i want to know. or what i want to listen to all i know is a want a future even in the darkest of days deep down i am OKAY and i know that life goes on and i do feel like killing myself in some part of me i do feel alone i do feel weak and helpless and small i do feel worthless and hideous i do feel friendless and scared i do feel fat and disgusting and disgraceful but my life is good and i love it and ill work through all the bull. and im perfectly fine i apperciate all the conerns i hate to put people down idk why i went on like that silly me forgive? <3 You're welcome. And that was beautiful. thanx :] x] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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