its a miracle.

[xMyOwnMindx]

she feels beautiful when shes all wrapped up

and has alot on her mind

she'd like to share with you

about the ever changing people

in her life

and the friends shes made

mistakes shes taken in

and coping with her family

in various ways

 

she knows

things done right and wrong

so up and down

you cant tell

she'll do community service

and turn around and steal from the mall

shes trying to be good

in such a stupid messed up world

so beautiful and angry

but the rotation puts me to sleep

 

she saw a boy that took care of her for more then wut he was

and hopes someday she'll call him hers and hold him in her arms

but i cant change his mind and im not gonna try

cuz i am me and theres nothing left to do but be friends

and deep down shes okay with that

and hopes he thinks its cute when she visits him at work

and drowns out the sounds of friends puking in the background

 

all the things shes done

led her right back to the start

the i dont knows

and crying back to sleep

 

but shes okay

deep down shes fine

she has everything she could ask for

shes set for years

what more can she say

she sees the beauty in life now.

[Topazia]

stirring

[xMyOwnMindx]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

[Horatio]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

[Topazia]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

I second that.

[xMyOwnMindx]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

[Horatio]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

That's great!!! Never expect to fix the big things overnight, just small things. All of a sudden it will all come together.

[xMyOwnMindx]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

That's great!!! Never expect to fix the big things overnight, just small things. All of a sudden it will all come together.

its hard. i dont know how to fix myself.

expect SEE what i do wrong(but i never will stop forever, just for the second and thats wrong too..)

 

at least im starting to see for the firends ive lost im making new ones.

thats helping me out.

plus its such a confidence boost to know someone likes you.

:]]

[Horatio]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

That's great!!! Never expect to fix the big things overnight, just small things. All of a sudden it will all come together.

its hard. i dont know how to fix myself.

expect SEE what i do wrong(but i never will stop forever, just for the second and thats wrong too..)

 

at least im starting to see for the firends ive lost im making new ones.

thats helping me out.

plus its such a confidence boost to know someone likes you.

:]]

You are not supposed to know how to fix yourself.

 

When you can see what you are doing wrong and try to stop for a second that is a beginning. You do not set out to stop forever, because somehow that doesn't work. Initially, just stop for a second, then a minute, pretty soon it is an hour, day, week, month, etc..

 

Having someone who likes you, cares about you is a great boost, but most of all, you need to start liking yourself. You don't have to like everything, but hopefully you will start liking something.

[xMyOwnMindx]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

That's great!!! Never expect to fix the big things overnight, just small things. All of a sudden it will all come together.

its hard. i dont know how to fix myself.

expect SEE what i do wrong(but i never will stop forever, just for the second and thats wrong too..)

 

at least im starting to see for the firends ive lost im making new ones.

thats helping me out.

plus its such a confidence boost to know someone likes you.

:]]

You are not supposed to know how to fix yourself.

 

When you can see what you are doing wrong and try to stop for a second that is a beginning. You do not set out to stop forever, because somehow that doesn't work. Initially, just stop for a second, then a minute, pretty soon it is an hour, day, week, month, etc..

 

Having someone who likes you, cares about you is a great boost, but most of all, you need to start liking yourself. You don't have to like everything, but hopefully you will start liking something.

 

i like alot of things.

some seen as wrong.

some ARE wrong.

but some are most certainly NOT WRONG and were made illegal by racism, which is most certainly wrong.

 

but idk..

i like stuff. like colleging and books and candles and music and doodling and deep conversations with jon or brian.

i know matt is deep but he doesnt show it enough.

hmm.. idk.

how do i like MYSELF?

i feel like my whole life ive been cut down and told i was wrong and that affected me to grow up and not like myself.

[Horatio]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

That's great!!! Never expect to fix the big things overnight, just small things. All of a sudden it will all come together.

its hard. i dont know how to fix myself.

expect SEE what i do wrong(but i never will stop forever, just for the second and thats wrong too..)

 

at least im starting to see for the firends ive lost im making new ones.

thats helping me out.

plus its such a confidence boost to know someone likes you.

:]]

You are not supposed to know how to fix yourself.

 

When you can see what you are doing wrong and try to stop for a second that is a beginning. You do not set out to stop forever, because somehow that doesn't work. Initially, just stop for a second, then a minute, pretty soon it is an hour, day, week, month, etc..

 

Having someone who likes you, cares about you is a great boost, but most of all, you need to start liking yourself. You don't have to like everything, but hopefully you will start liking something.

 

i like alot of things.

some seen as wrong.

some ARE wrong.

but some are most certainly NOT WRONG and were made illegal by racism, which is most certainly wrong.

 

but idk..

i like stuff. like colleging and books and candles and music and doodling and deep conversations with jon or brian.

i know matt is deep but he doesnt show it enough.

hmm.. idk.

how do i like MYSELF?

i feel like my whole life ive been cut down and told i was wrong and that affected me to grow up and not like myself.

In this case, I hope if there is one thing I can help you with is to like yourself and love yourself. Too many times adults can make young people feel bad about themselves when there is absolutely no reason for it. For example, Little League games should ban parents. There are far too many times when a parent belittles their child because he or she struck out. SO WHAT?!?!?!?!? It is only a game. Now the young person has a negative feeling amplified because of a parent. I find the behavior of the parent in that case unacceptable. My outlook is... who cares if you win or lose. Of course winning is good, but if you went out and had a great time, who is going to remember what happened in a game when you were some young age. Of course if a parent belittles the young person, this will be imprinted on them forever. But if the reinforcement was positive, saying 'don't feel bad that you didn't make a home run, the pitcher on the other team was really good' or 'it's okay that the team lost, I think we should all go to Friendly's to celebrate a fun game', then the loss turns into a great outing. Okay... I am blathering, but my hammie parents were so positive that sometimes I think it is not a good thing. It was always, you can do whatever it is you want to do. Just give it a try. They would say things like, there will always be someone richer, thinner, smarter, etc., so be happy with what you have because you look great or are great or something along those lines.

 

Lauren, you are smart, pretty, have talent, a great sense of humor and are very insightful. I think you can accomplish great things in the world to the extent you wish to. Just believe in yourself and you can conquer the universe.

[xMyOwnMindx]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

That's great!!! Never expect to fix the big things overnight, just small things. All of a sudden it will all come together.

its hard. i dont know how to fix myself.

expect SEE what i do wrong(but i never will stop forever, just for the second and thats wrong too..)

 

at least im starting to see for the firends ive lost im making new ones.

thats helping me out.

plus its such a confidence boost to know someone likes you.

:]]

You are not supposed to know how to fix yourself.

 

When you can see what you are doing wrong and try to stop for a second that is a beginning. You do not set out to stop forever, because somehow that doesn't work. Initially, just stop for a second, then a minute, pretty soon it is an hour, day, week, month, etc..

 

Having someone who likes you, cares about you is a great boost, but most of all, you need to start liking yourself. You don't have to like everything, but hopefully you will start liking something.

 

i like alot of things.

some seen as wrong.

some ARE wrong.

but some are most certainly NOT WRONG and were made illegal by racism, which is most certainly wrong.

 

but idk..

i like stuff. like colleging and books and candles and music and doodling and deep conversations with jon or brian.

i know matt is deep but he doesnt show it enough.

hmm.. idk.

how do i like MYSELF?

i feel like my whole life ive been cut down and told i was wrong and that affected me to grow up and not like myself.

In this case, I hope if there is one thing I can help you with is to like yourself and love yourself. Too many times adults can make young people feel bad about themselves when there is absolutely no reason for it. For example, Little League games should ban parents. There are far too many times when a parent belittles their child because he or she struck out. SO WHAT?!?!?!?!? It is only a game. Now the young person has a negative feeling amplified because of a parent. I find the behavior of the parent in that case unacceptable. My outlook is... who cares if you win or lose. Of course winning is good, but if you went out and had a great time, who is going to remember what happened in a game when you were some young age. Of course if a parent belittles the young person, this will be imprinted on them forever. But if the reinforcement was positive, saying 'don't feel bad that you didn't make a home run, the pitcher on the other team was really good' or 'it's okay that the team lost, I think we should all go to Friendly's to celebrate a fun game', then the loss turns into a great outing. Okay... I am blathering, but my hammie parents were so positive that sometimes I think it is not a good thing. It was always, you can do whatever it is you want to do. Just give it a try. They would say things like, there will always be someone richer, thinner, smarter, etc., so be happy with what you have because you look great or are great or something along those lines.

 

Lauren, you are smart, pretty, have talent, a great sense of humor and are very insightful. I think you can accomplish great things in the world to the extent you wish to. Just believe in yourself and you can conquer the universe.

 

its not even my parents (who throughout the years have made me want to kill myself countless numbers of times)

but my brother who's made me feel like a failure since i have memories

i never had any friends really and only had lindsey.. thats probably where i devoloped my co-dependency stuff

idk and im shy

and im generally awkard.. like in body language and speech and everything.

i cant walk straight, never did..

idk i know im too hard on myself

but i feel like if im not, then ill let myself go.

 

for example.. i was like "i shouldnt try so hard to be skinny"

and i gained over 15 pounds!!

now im even madder at myself.

 

idk. i need to be uptight and stuff about that.

like i cant just be like.. my hair looks okay unstraightened.. cuz then i go like a week and my hair looks bad

 

idk.

but im curently living off of happiness of boys and friends.

 

and tryinnnng to loose that weight + more.

my friend lucy gained more then me. now were the same(but im shorter). i was never as much as her.. but she was less weight(then now and the begining of her anorexia) for longer.

 

idk. i wanna loose 35 pounds by summer. and STAY that weight.

i can do it. i need help but i can do it.

 

then i wont be so ashamed of myself

and i can walk and talk and dress and talk to guys with digity.

 

it all comes down to if i were thinner, id have more confidence and if i had more confidence id be happier.

[Horatio]

eh.i dont like anything i write after i write it. haha

You're too critical of yourself.

 

im aware of that.

im working on it.

im working on it all. its hard for me.

That's great!!! Never expect to fix the big things overnight, just small things. All of a sudden it will all come together.

its hard. i dont know how to fix myself.

expect SEE what i do wrong(but i never will stop forever, just for the second and thats wrong too..)

 

at least im starting to see for the firends ive lost im making new ones.

thats helping me out.

plus its such a confidence boost to know someone likes you.

:]]

You are not supposed to know how to fix yourself.

 

When you can see what you are doing wrong and try to stop for a second that is a beginning. You do not set out to stop forever, because somehow that doesn't work. Initially, just stop for a second, then a minute, pretty soon it is an hour, day, week, month, etc..

 

Having someone who likes you, cares about you is a great boost, but most of all, you need to start liking yourself. You don't have to like everything, but hopefully you will start liking something.

 

i like alot of things.

some seen as wrong.

some ARE wrong.

but some are most certainly NOT WRONG and were made illegal by racism, which is most certainly wrong.

 

but idk..

i like stuff. like colleging and books and candles and music and doodling and deep conversations with jon or brian.

i know matt is deep but he doesnt show it enough.

hmm.. idk.

how do i like MYSELF?

i feel like my whole life ive been cut down and told i was wrong and that affected me to grow up and not like myself.

In this case, I hope if there is one thing I can help you with is to like yourself and love yourself. Too many times adults can make young people feel bad about themselves when there is absolutely no reason for it. For example, Little League games should ban parents. There are far too many times when a parent belittles their child because he or she struck out. SO WHAT?!?!?!?!? It is only a game. Now the young person has a negative feeling amplified because of a parent. I find the behavior of the parent in that case unacceptable. My outlook is... who cares if you win or lose. Of course winning is good, but if you went out and had a great time, who is going to remember what happened in a game when you were some young age. Of course if a parent belittles the young person, this will be imprinted on them forever. But if the reinforcement was positive, saying 'don't feel bad that you didn't make a home run, the pitcher on the other team was really good' or 'it's okay that the team lost, I think we should all go to Friendly's to celebrate a fun game', then the loss turns into a great outing. Okay... I am blathering, but my hammie parents were so positive that sometimes I think it is not a good thing. It was always, you can do whatever it is you want to do. Just give it a try. They would say things like, there will always be someone richer, thinner, smarter, etc., so be happy with what you have because you look great or are great or something along those lines.

 

Lauren, you are smart, pretty, have talent, a great sense of humor and are very insightful. I think you can accomplish great things in the world to the extent you wish to. Just believe in yourself and you can conquer the universe.

 

its not even my parents (who throughout the years have made me want to kill myself countless numbers of times)

but my brother who's made me feel like a failure since i have memories

i never had any friends really and only had lindsey.. thats probably where i devoloped my co-dependency stuff

idk and im shy

and im generally awkard.. like in body language and speech and everything.

i cant walk straight, never did..

idk i know im too hard on myself

but i feel like if im not, then ill let myself go.

 

for example.. i was like "i shouldnt try so hard to be skinny"

and i gained over 15 pounds!!

now im even madder at myself.

 

idk. i need to be uptight and stuff about that.

like i cant just be like.. my hair looks okay unstraightened.. cuz then i go like a week and my hair looks bad

 

idk.

but im curently living off of happiness of boys and friends.

 

and tryinnnng to loose that weight + more.

my friend lucy gained more then me. now were the same(but im shorter). i was never as much as her.. but she was less weight(then now and the begining of her anorexia) for longer.

 

idk. i wanna loose 35 pounds by summer. and STAY that weight.

i can do it. i need help but i can do it.

 

then i wont be so ashamed of myself

and i can walk and talk and dress and talk to guys with digity.

 

it all comes down to if i were thinner, id have more confidence and if i had more confidence id be happier.

*needs time to think*

[xMyOwnMindx]

wut is there to think about..

[Topazia]

I understand that.

haha, I've been soooo busy teaching myself Greek that I fell out of the loop.

 

Um.

The whole happy-confident bit? It's really just a state of mind. I mean, I've been downing myself for years because I'm short...too skinny...weak, that it took hold. Well, my NY Resolution (and so far it's working) this year was to stop downing myself, so I would have mroe confidence. And, well, I've gone in two weeks from an emotional wreck to almost ready to take on a boy-girl relationship again, where I thought I wouldn't be able to think about it until the fall. IDK I guess I just feel better because I'm not letting the negative get me down.

 

so...I get the uptight bit. I'm extremely uptight...not about the same things, but definitely uptight. Lighten up a little on the things you hate about yourself. You can lose some weight by summer. I think 35 pounds is a reasonable, reachable goal. Just keep in mind that no matter what you look like, you're still you. You are the only Lauren/MyxOwnxMind I know, and that makes you beautiful in your own way.

 

if this seems like I'm rambling about nonsense, just take it at face value. I'm really bored and feel like going back and seeing what I have forgotten to reply to in a while.

[xMyOwnMindx]

I understand that.

haha, I've been soooo busy teaching myself Greek that I fell out of the loop.

 

Um.

The whole happy-confident bit? It's really just a state of mind. I mean, I've been downing myself for years because I'm short...too skinny...weak, that it took hold. Well, my NY Resolution (and so far it's working) this year was to stop downing myself, so I would have mroe confidence. And, well, I've gone in two weeks from an emotional wreck to almost ready to take on a boy-girl relationship again, where I thought I wouldn't be able to think about it until the fall. IDK I guess I just feel better because I'm not letting the negative get me down.

 

so...I get the uptight bit. I'm extremely uptight...not about the same things, but definitely uptight. Lighten up a little on the things you hate about yourself. You can lose some weight by summer. I think 35 pounds is a reasonable, reachable goal. Just keep in mind that no matter what you look like, you're still you. You are the only Lauren/MyxOwnxMind I know, and that makes you beautiful in your own way.

 

if this seems like I'm rambling about nonsense, just take it at face value. I'm really bored and feel like going back and seeing what I have forgotten to reply to in a while.

 

mm.

im like.. bipolar ish somtimes.

i practically woke up crying today and had a pretty good day.

things are so up and down and itsa never been me not to notice that and try to adapt.. instead of just not care.

i dont know wut im talking about.

i think my finger is bleeding.

 

i was at justin's today and i was eating chinese food and i felt sick about it.

i was like.. oh no.. please no.

i felt terrible eating

even a little bit

i was like.. im not hungry... im horrible!!!

 

but i got over it

and it was okay.

 

i really hate eating

its hard for me

its scary

 

ive kinda been wishing for therapy lately.

just so i cancomplain and whine

hahah

.

-life's too hard

no, lifes too easy

-if life's too easy then why are you tired?

life is tiring,both ways.