xMyOwnMindx Posted December 17, 2006 Report Share Posted December 17, 2006 i put on this face that says i dont care but deep down i do and its not fair i can walk through the halls in the shadow, in the light dirty and bruised and bloody and act like all i see is the inside of myself but its not true just even when i cared so much it never measured up so i gave up and id be such a liar to say that when i hurt them i feel okay cuz ive cried for their pain and i am ashamed things never came up the way i planned and i felt that i never desevred things good or bad the way they came out but i moved on knowing i had a fighting chance ive betrayed them all with my choices and im not going to stop cuz sometimes they deserve those tears as do i, when i get mine i keep somthing things near things i havnt given away im more whole then her and i know it she does too but its just cuz im shy and i keep myself inside but if i could break free id be so reckless, never living for tomorrow always living for today and ill never see last week as somthing to care about anymore ive given up on trying so many times before but i feel ive reached a place inside ive never seen untill now ill keep my head up high even on the inside and ill try to make things work as i show you a little more i used to lie to them knowing it was all a game but i think you'll give me answers if you think im insane ill tell you about sleepless nights and panic attacks and phyical fights but you'll just tell me i make things wrong and make bad choices ill laugh at you and tell them truths of girls that know the reasons to of the things to come and things to do and not just the statistics ill think today ill starve tomorrow life is such a game pop pills last week and drive the train tomorrow ill fly away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload You are most welcome. As for the smilies... they made my day! Mushroom_king was having trouble uploading, so I have asked HampsterKing about the images not attaching. One quick question, after you choose file, then click UPLOAD, did you know that you must go to the left side and drop down the Manage Current Attachments and then click on the green plus sign in order to get them into the post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload You are most welcome. As for the smilies... they made my day! Mushroom_king was having trouble uploading, so I have asked HampsterKing about the images not attaching. One quick question, after you choose file, then click UPLOAD, did you know that you must go to the left side and drop down the Manage Current Attachments and then click on the green plus sign in order to get them into the post. that didnt process... k now it did. i would do that but it just says "uploading file" for like.. a year. lol ill try it tomorrow i guess.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload You are most welcome. As for the smilies... they made my day! Mushroom_king was having trouble uploading, so I have asked HampsterKing about the images not attaching. One quick question, after you choose file, then click UPLOAD, did you know that you must go to the left side and drop down the Manage Current Attachments and then click on the green plus sign in order to get them into the post. that didnt process... k now it did. i would do that but it just says "uploading file" for like.. a year. lol ill try it tomorrow i guess.? I will have HampsterKing check the file size again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload You are most welcome. As for the smilies... they made my day! Mushroom_king was having trouble uploading, so I have asked HampsterKing about the images not attaching. One quick question, after you choose file, then click UPLOAD, did you know that you must go to the left side and drop down the Manage Current Attachments and then click on the green plus sign in order to get them into the post. that didnt process... k now it did. i would do that but it just says "uploading file" for like.. a year. lol ill try it tomorrow i guess.? I will have HampsterKing check the file size again. kayyy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload You are most welcome. As for the smilies... they made my day! Mushroom_king was having trouble uploading, so I have asked HampsterKing about the images not attaching. One quick question, after you choose file, then click UPLOAD, did you know that you must go to the left side and drop down the Manage Current Attachments and then click on the green plus sign in order to get them into the post. that didnt process... k now it did. i would do that but it just says "uploading file" for like.. a year. lol ill try it tomorrow i guess.? I will have HampsterKing check the file size again. kayyy Please try it again. HampsterKing was working on the boards today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 20, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload You are most welcome. As for the smilies... they made my day! Mushroom_king was having trouble uploading, so I have asked HampsterKing about the images not attaching. One quick question, after you choose file, then click UPLOAD, did you know that you must go to the left side and drop down the Manage Current Attachments and then click on the green plus sign in order to get them into the post. that didnt process... k now it did. i would do that but it just says "uploading file" for like.. a year. lol ill try it tomorrow i guess.? I will have HampsterKing check the file size again. kayyy Please try it again. HampsterKing was working on the boards today. nope. didnt work lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 This is your best work yet!!! Lauren, this is phenomenally outstanding!!! *thinks of a very special award for this poem* really? i like it but i didnt think it was that good. As you could tell, I really liked it. yeah. i wish i could say more then thanks. maybe ill add a slew of smilies?.. AND A KITTY. maybe not a kitty.. it wot upload You are most welcome. As for the smilies... they made my day! Mushroom_king was having trouble uploading, so I have asked HampsterKing about the images not attaching. One quick question, after you choose file, then click UPLOAD, did you know that you must go to the left side and drop down the Manage Current Attachments and then click on the green plus sign in order to get them into the post. that didnt process... k now it did. i would do that but it just says "uploading file" for like.. a year. lol ill try it tomorrow i guess.? I will have HampsterKing check the file size again. kayyy Please try it again. HampsterKing was working on the boards today. nope. didnt work lol I will let him know. Thank you for telling me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 20, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 I will let him know. Thank you for telling me. np. _^____^__^_ school stinks :[ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 I will let him know. Thank you for telling me. np. _^____^__^_ school stinks :[ Yup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2006 ughhh. so depressed. everyone thhink im bulimic cuz i got sick (and ate too much) yesterday and threw up alot and cuz ive been covering mona's bulimic butt she pukes like 3 times everytime i hang out with her. she leaves puke piles everywhere. sometimes i gag when i see/hear her. anyway, pretty bummed out. and its sad cuz if i was skinnier id see the concern but i really do have an average body. (i LOOK really bad though. idk i cant stand it. i think half the girls in my school make me wanna throw up just by their big saggy stomachs all over the place. i know i should loose some weight to be healthy. ugh wutever so today was a pretty good day. after school i went with mona and her dad to get her mint chocolate phone. its pretty sweet. shes lucky. then we walked from her house to a spot near brookside and smoked again. gets me mad messed up. i love it. anyway, then we went to DnD and got bagles and shared a muffin. they were mad good. then we went to khols and looked for clothes. i found mad cute stuff. we tried stuff on and i stole this pink love shirt/hoodie thing thats pink and cut off so the shoulders show and its got ppart of a white tank top under it (pics later) and a black sweater thing. i couldnt get any rings and was BEYOND paranoid. i was so bad everything i saw and heard i thought was cuz they all knew we were high and stealing. but they werent. and he dad came and i got styuff. i never get clothes. that was such a rush. i really liked it. but im gonna keep that to a minimum cuz ive been busted before.. anyway, so i had a pretty good (and crazy and upsetting) day. mona told me yesterday that she talked to matt but i was too high to really aknowledge it at the time he said he likes some girl he has no chance with and he'll get over her. theres no me in that sentence. i dont mind i guess. we can be chill friends. andrew in video and film turned to me and was like "what you do feel about hooking up? think its fun? weird? gross?" and i was like "well i deff dont get enough *****" and he was like shocked. hahaha. of course hooking up is fun im a free spirited kind of person im all about just doing wutever as long as its fun. anyway, let me explain this before i start talking.. keith ion of my best friends keith is also lindsey's boyfriend lindsey is my BEST friend. me and lizz told lindsey we were getting some stuff. lizz had done it a few times and i had once. lindsey tried it and used to be a heavy smoker. lindsey told keith. keith hates me hates when lizz smokes hates when im with lizz and i cried one day to lindsey.. i was like "you dont feel that way now to do you?" she was like NOOO and like all huggy supportive. idk cuz loosing lindsey would be such a shot to the head. ive know lindsey since i was two years old. i have no memory of that but i basically just completely grew up with her.. like a sister. im mad scared shes starting to hate me. my bro is like "i pissed on your hoodie cuz your such a blumic wh***" i cried. my parents are concerned about the money and the being messed up. everything is metiphorically blurry. it kinda stinks. im pretty bummed. but thats my life right now. i feel alot of weight on me. i coeverd like everyone in all that. erveryone but megan and lucy and stuff. who are all kinda concerned and i dont understand they all smoke(d) keith did lindsey did alot megan did my dad did probably my mom, cuz she smoked ciggs for a while (in like the 70's and 80's) and im sure thats not all she smoked lucy did my brother did. everyone does. my brother smokes ALOTTTT. hes insane about it. im sick of everyone being so messed up about it. ugh. yey free clothes. i realized im like the ultimate horrible person:: i drink i smoke i do drugs i steal i lie i cheat i skip school i lie to 'important' people but at the same time: i try to be nice to my rents i care about the world and other people and i wanna change things me and matt and brian and jon and mona and everyone we want peace and were all just peaceful kids together but idk. i have so much fun being "bad" and doing "wrong" things im such a depressed person and i feel so good when i do everything i want. i dont even lie that often about wut im doing. or where i am i called my mom from DnD today and i was like: just checkin in, were at dunkin donuts, we got mona's phone with her dad and my mom was like are you wish him now. and im like no, and shes like oh, did you walk there (its across a highway thing) and i was like yea. and shes like can you get a ride home by 7:30 and i just said i coukld then we walked to khols and mona's dad picked us up at like 7:15. it was perfect cuz when you tell the truth theres no stories to remember. the truth will set you free<3 brian H always said THATS WHY YOU DONT LIE TO YOUR PARENTS. and he's right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted December 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2006 thank you. i needed that out. thats like my whole life and every problem in it. idk wut to do. everything seems to simple till you move closer.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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