xMyOwnMindx Posted September 29, 2006 Report Share Posted September 29, 2006 im just gonna talk. cuz i feel horrible i have vomit in my nose i was horrible today im gonna do crunches and then freeze some calories off i feel like im gonna explode i feel like i have BED.. but i dont cuz i was good yesterday and i FELT good and i LOST weight and then today i had to stuff myself to suffication WHY? why do i do this to myself? im starting the strictest diet for myself i cannot fail myself i dont want to be like this im sick of fat i know im better then this why, lauren, why hurt yourself this way cuz skinny is everything but its not... you wont be happy stop making me fat, your worthless if i am, then you are. thats true maybe were both a little crazy yea, lets meet in the middle will you let today go if we hurt tomorrow thats a good plan today was most horrible but this is who we are and i accept that of course we'll be happy what else in life is there to wish for we will be his tiny little angel we'll fly and be free and be beautiful too bad i feel so sick yea.. theres vomit in my nose and the smell is everywhere i taste it in my mouth i wanna burn burn, burn,burn to death we dont need life not this one, not any one life is oh,so pointless but we move on and we pain and we obess while i walked home alone i hummed the songs i heard the words hitting me too close i wished i didnt feel so bad running on 320, which is alot by 5pm and i knew it would be 220 when i got home i got home quickly i wished the walk was longer i thought about the times it didnt matter and how i was going crazy and i could hurt people then i thought about my goals and how id feel theres no way i could give up. im almost 1/2 way there 1/2 way towards a life ive wanted forever im not diseased im just bettering myself i will become.. me.. but great i will control my intakes, exercise, perfect my skin, get into shape, get new clothes, organize my life and then figure out wut im gonna do for the rest of it i will learn to drive stay in love or find new love mature my thoughts live, love, grow, do some drugs get high get low and then ill be complete we'll be amazing superhuman one thing at a time sit up, walk straight, head up educate, grow and learn theres nothing left to say one step, two steps perfect. ill never be the same i feel this now.. it runs me. but i need it i will use this to make everything right whats one more thing anyway, right? :] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted September 29, 2006 Report Share Posted September 29, 2006 ;'.' i cant say anything. powerful just doesnt seem to cut it this time... you sound so desperate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted October 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2006 ;'.' i cant say anything. powerful just doesnt seem to cut it this time... you sound so desperate. i am. i.. dont know why im alive. not that anyone does i just.. feel so sick right now.. but tomorrow is a school day so i know i can control myself just dont know how to deal with the fatigue life is so meaningless.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 ;'.' i cant say anything. powerful just doesnt seem to cut it this time... you sound so desperate. i am. i.. dont know why im alive. not that anyone does i just.. feel so sick right now.. but tomorrow is a school day so i know i can control myself just dont know how to deal with the fatigue life is so meaningless.. *hugs you* ok now i wish i had someone to hug me when i feel like that. Like now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 ;'.' i cant say anything. powerful just doesnt seem to cut it this time... you sound so desperate. i am. i.. dont know why im alive. not that anyone does i just.. feel so sick right now.. but tomorrow is a school day so i know i can control myself just dont know how to deal with the fatigue life is so meaningless.. *hugs you* ok now i wish i had someone to hug me when i feel like that. Like now! *gives Topazia the most gigantic hammie bear huggle and gets everyone to join in on a group hug* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 im just gonna talk.cuz i feel horrible i have vomit in my nose i was horrible today im gonna do crunches and then freeze some calories off i feel like im gonna explode i feel like i have BED.. but i dont cuz i was good yesterday and i FELT good and i LOST weight and then today i had to stuff myself to suffication WHY? why do i do this to myself? im starting the strictest diet for myself i cannot fail myself i dont want to be like this im sick of fat i know im better then this why, lauren, why hurt yourself this way cuz skinny is everything but its not... you wont be happy stop making me fat, your worthless if i am, then you are. thats true maybe were both a little crazy yea, lets meet in the middle will you let today go if we hurt tomorrow thats a good plan today was most horrible but this is who we are and i accept that of course we'll be happy what else in life is there to wish for we will be his tiny little angel we'll fly and be free and be beautiful too bad i feel so sick yea.. theres vomit in my nose and the smell is everywhere i taste it in my mouth i wanna burn burn, burn,burn to death we dont need life not this one, not any one life is oh,so pointless but we move on and we pain and we obess while i walked home alone i hummed the songs i heard the words hitting me too close i wished i didnt feel so bad running on 320, which is alot by 5pm and i knew it would be 220 when i got home i got home quickly i wished the walk was longer i thought about the times it didnt matter and how i was going crazy and i could hurt people then i thought about my goals and how id feel theres no way i could give up. im almost 1/2 way there 1/2 way towards a life ive wanted forever im not diseased im just bettering myself i will become.. me.. but great i will control my intakes, exercise, perfect my skin, get into shape, get new clothes, organize my life and then figure out wut im gonna do for the rest of it i will learn to drive stay in love or find new love mature my thoughts live, love, grow, do some drugs get high get low and then ill be complete we'll be amazing superhuman one thing at a time sit up, walk straight, head up educate, grow and learn theres nothing left to say one step, two steps perfect. ill never be the same i feel this now.. it runs me. but i need it i will use this to make everything right whats one more thing anyway, right? :] I wish I had your determination to lose weight. I need to get down to at most 205. I'm 5'6', and 220. I hate it. X( at least a good bit of it is muscle, though. =D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted October 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 ;'.' i cant say anything. powerful just doesnt seem to cut it this time... you sound so desperate. i am. i.. dont know why im alive. not that anyone does i just.. feel so sick right now.. but tomorrow is a school day so i know i can control myself just dont know how to deal with the fatigue life is so meaningless.. *hugs you* ok now i wish i had someone to hug me when i feel like that. Like now! *bigger hugs you!* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 ;'.' i cant say anything. powerful just doesnt seem to cut it this time... you sound so desperate. i am. i.. dont know why im alive. not that anyone does i just.. feel so sick right now.. but tomorrow is a school day so i know i can control myself just dont know how to deal with the fatigue life is so meaningless.. *hugs you* ok now i wish i had someone to hug me when i feel like that. Like now! *bigger hugs you!* aw, thanks, Lauren. Actually, I needed that. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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