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i'm not consumed. im happy.


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i wanna sink inside my clothes

i wanna feel all my bones

 

i dont care what it takes anymore

i've seen enough things to do this

i wont starve

i know how to do this right

ive got help, support and hope

ive never had hope for much

but i want this bad enough

i really do

i guess i'm feeling so happy at the moment

cuz im at my lowest since a while

not by too much,

not unhealthy,

but a good ammount

its probably been 3 months since i weighed so light

i'm happy

im happy when i workout

i know im doing myself good

im happy when i see the numbers drop

cuz as they do i'm more comforted by wut i see when i look down

"nothing tastes as good as thin feels"

doesnt mean food is evil

it means limit yourself

everything ive never done

everything ive never felt

always wanted this

cried myself to sleep countless number of times

"he says im perfect, but i wont be perfect till i see my hipbones"

i wanna be perfect for him

i wanna be beautiful on the outside

inner beauty is for fat people.

when i cry and i feel small i wanna BE that small.

i wanna hide in lockers

and be picked up

i wanna wear a bikini

and feel like gold

this isnt ana.

this is happiness

i know to limit myself

i know the risks

i wont be unhealthy

i'll just be free.

 

<33 :]

please support me.

i mean myself no harm

plus i have nothing to lose anyway.

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i wanna sink inside my clothes

i wanna feel all my bones

 

i dont care what it takes anymore

i've seen enough things to do this

i wont starve

i know how to do this right

ive got help, support and hope

ive never had hope for much

but i want this bad enough

i really do

i guess i'm feeling so happy at the moment

cuz im at my lowest since a while

not by too much,

not unhealthy,

but a good ammount

its probably been 3 months since i weighed so light

i'm happy

im happy when i workout

i know im doing myself good

im happy when i see the numbers drop

cuz as they do i'm more comforted by wut i see when i look down

"nothing tastes as good as thin feels"

doesnt mean food is evil

it means limit yourself

everything ive never done

everything ive never felt

always wanted this

cried myself to sleep countless number of times

"he says im perfect, but i wont be perfect till i see my hipbones"

i wanna be perfect for him

i wanna be beautiful on the outside

inner beauty is for fat people.

when i cry and i feel small i wanna BE that small.

i wanna hide in lockers

and be picked up

i wanna wear a bikini

and feel like gold

this isnt ana.

this is happiness

i know to limit myself

i know the risks

i wont be unhealthy

i'll just be free.

 

<33 :]

please support me.

i mean myself no harm

plus i have nothing to lose anyway.

 

 

and please dont get mad... this is the only place i can express any of this.

the way i feel about it, my goals etc.

i dont need more therpy and people breathing down my neck. that all makes me feel SO much worse.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

...And lose 7 minutes of their life every cigarette. =D

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

...And lose 7 minutes of their life every cigarette. =D

Not good.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

...And lose 7 minutes of their life every cigarette. =D

 

that doesnt phase me.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

...And lose 7 minutes of their life every cigarette. =D

 

that doesnt phase me.

Does it phase you that you could possibly die around age 30 with some disease smoking may give you? =D

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

...And lose 7 minutes of their life every cigarette. =D

 

that doesnt phase me.

Does it phase you that you could possibly die around age 30 with some disease smoking may give you? =D

 

 

no. not really.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

 

none of that matters anyway. thats just a part of me.

and maybe it will hold me back from going overboard with this weight stuff

cuz im getting addicted to calculating calories and walking every 3 seconds i get bored.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

 

but it's gross.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

Exactly

 

that doesnt phase me.

 

it should

Does it phase you that you could possibly die around age 30 with some disease smoking may give you? =D

 

 

no. not really.

 

what about gaining all that weight when you're stuck in a wheelchair looking 80 when you're forty and nobody is willing to give you the time of day?

none of that matters anyway. thats just a part of me.

and maybe it will hold me back from going overboard with this weight stuff

cuz im getting addicted to calculating calories and walking every 3 seconds i get bored.

But at least you realize it. That means you can still hold back.

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i'll support you to an extent. Just like I say to all of my best friends.

thanks.

 

i had 234 calories today.

i think thats cute.

okay, it WAS 234 till i had to decide to have a tent party and ate madd food and drank.

it was like 788 approx by the end of the night which really never fell.

so i was very hungry.

and i had a huge breakfast

and i gained.

:[

ohhh

 

i wish i could gain... yeah, drinking makes you gain weight more than anything except vegetating like terry schaivo (I mean that in the nicest way)... So does smoking just about anything... (Not an attack, I promise)

 

i know it does.

but i like getting messed up.

 

i know thats not an attack. but smoking makes you loose your appitite.. thats why skinny girls smoke so much.

 

but it's gross.

And get cancer, emphysema and all sorts of other diseases.

Exactly

 

that doesnt phase me.

 

it should

Does it phase you that you could possibly die around age 30 with some disease smoking may give you? =D

 

 

no. not really.

 

what about gaining all that weight when you're stuck in a wheelchair looking 80 when you're forty and nobody is willing to give you the time of day?

none of that matters anyway. thats just a part of me.

and maybe it will hold me back from going overboard with this weight stuff

cuz im getting addicted to calculating calories and walking every 3 seconds i get bored.

But at least you realize it. That means you can still hold back.

 

i dont think its gross.

i deserve dieases and i know it.

 

yea, but how long till i dont realize it?

i dont wanna be 70 pounds and crying over it

im scared ana will take me

but nothing makes me happier then when i see myself lighter

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i dont think its gross.

i deserve dieases and i know it.

 

yea, but how long till i dont realize it?

i dont wanna be 70 pounds and crying over it

im scared ana will take me

but nothing makes me happier then when i see myself lighter

you don't deserve diseases. You deserve the life you have. Well, if you're that worried, just stop, and diet right. Eat 2000 cal a day and burn off 2200. You should not lose more than 3.5 lbs a week. That's a pound every other day. Don't excerise more than 1800 cal away, otherwise your metabolism will slow and you won't lose the weight. That, and metabolism automatically burns a fixed amount on its own. You can increase your metabolism somewhat by exercising with intelligence. Which does NOT mean seeing the scale and rushing to a treadmill so you can burn off 1800 cal that instant. Take your time. You will reach a healthy weight. When you get there, ease up to where you're only burning slightly less than what you eat. Metabolism will take care of the rest. I promise.

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i dont think its gross.

i deserve dieases and i know it.

 

yea, but how long till i dont realize it?

i dont wanna be 70 pounds and crying over it

im scared ana will take me

but nothing makes me happier then when i see myself lighter

you don't deserve diseases. You deserve the life you have. Well, if you're that worried, just stop, and diet right. Eat 2000 cal a day and burn off 2200. You should not lose more than 3.5 lbs a week. That's a pound every other day. Don't excerise more than 1800 cal away, otherwise your metabolism will slow and you won't lose the weight. That, and metabolism automatically burns a fixed amount on its own. You can increase your metabolism somewhat by exercising with intelligence. Which does NOT mean seeing the scale and rushing to a treadmill so you can burn off 1800 cal that instant. Take your time. You will reach a healthy weight. When you get there, ease up to where you're only burning slightly less than what you eat. Metabolism will take care of the rest. I promise.

 

i cant do 1800.

i was on the scale a few minutes ago.

im up 6 pounds from 2 days ago.

i cant bear to workout tho. that made me slightly die inside.

i dont wanna "reach a healthy weight."

REACH implies taking time

and i dont care about my health very much

like im not horribly bad to myself

i just dont care if i have to risk a little unhealiness for my ultimate goal

and i want to do it now

ive been SO horrible about how i ate. yesterday i ate like 1090 calories

thats gross.

i only had a smoothie and this amazingly good steak.

so i hope i didnt go over 1000...

its just so stressful

everything i think about and see makes me upset.

a second ago i was happy.

now im crying

i dont know what is going on inside my head

i think im gonna go on the tredmill.

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i dont think its gross.

i deserve dieases and i know it.

 

yea, but how long till i dont realize it?

i dont wanna be 70 pounds and crying over it

im scared ana will take me

but nothing makes me happier then when i see myself lighter

you don't deserve diseases. You deserve the life you have. Well, if you're that worried, just stop, and diet right. Eat 2000 cal a day and burn off 2200. You should not lose more than 3.5 lbs a week. That's a pound every other day. Don't excerise more than 1800 cal away, otherwise your metabolism will slow and you won't lose the weight. That, and metabolism automatically burns a fixed amount on its own. You can increase your metabolism somewhat by exercising with intelligence. Which does NOT mean seeing the scale and rushing to a treadmill so you can burn off 1800 cal that instant. Take your time. You will reach a healthy weight. When you get there, ease up to where you're only burning slightly less than what you eat. Metabolism will take care of the rest. I promise.

 

i cant do 1800.

i was on the scale a few minutes ago.

im up 6 pounds from 2 days ago.

i cant bear to workout tho. that made me slightly die inside.

i dont wanna "reach a healthy weight."

REACH implies taking time

and i dont care about my health very much

like im not horribly bad to myself

i just dont care if i have to risk a little unhealiness for my ultimate goal

and i want to do it now

ive been SO horrible about how i ate. yesterday i ate like 1090 calories

thats gross.

i only had a smoothie and this amazingly good steak.

so i hope i didnt go over 1000...

its just so stressful

everything i think about and see makes me upset.

a second ago i was happy.

now im crying

i dont know what is going on inside my head

i think im gonna go on the tredmill.

relax. Stress produces cortisol, and cortisol produces belly and buty fat. If you try too hard, you'll just make it worse.

 

Don't worry. I'm pulling for you, as long as you take time to rest. Otherwise, you'll hurt yourself, and that's not cool.

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i dont think its gross.

i deserve dieases and i know it.

 

yea, but how long till i dont realize it?

i dont wanna be 70 pounds and crying over it

im scared ana will take me

but nothing makes me happier then when i see myself lighter

you don't deserve diseases. You deserve the life you have. Well, if you're that worried, just stop, and diet right. Eat 2000 cal a day and burn off 2200. You should not lose more than 3.5 lbs a week. That's a pound every other day. Don't excerise more than 1800 cal away, otherwise your metabolism will slow and you won't lose the weight. That, and metabolism automatically burns a fixed amount on its own. You can increase your metabolism somewhat by exercising with intelligence. Which does NOT mean seeing the scale and rushing to a treadmill so you can burn off 1800 cal that instant. Take your time. You will reach a healthy weight. When you get there, ease up to where you're only burning slightly less than what you eat. Metabolism will take care of the rest. I promise.

 

i cant do 1800.

i was on the scale a few minutes ago.

im up 6 pounds from 2 days ago.

i cant bear to workout tho. that made me slightly die inside.

i dont wanna "reach a healthy weight."

REACH implies taking time

and i dont care about my health very much

like im not horribly bad to myself

i just dont care if i have to risk a little unhealiness for my ultimate goal

and i want to do it now

ive been SO horrible about how i ate. yesterday i ate like 1090 calories

thats gross.

i only had a smoothie and this amazingly good steak.

so i hope i didnt go over 1000...

its just so stressful

everything i think about and see makes me upset.

a second ago i was happy.

now im crying

i dont know what is going on inside my head

i think im gonna go on the tredmill.

relax. Stress produces cortisol, and cortisol produces belly and buty fat. If you try too hard, you'll just make it worse.

 

Don't worry. I'm pulling for you, as long as you take time to rest. Otherwise, you'll hurt yourself, and that's not cool.

 

teehee buty.

i stress about everything. its hard not to.i try.

 

im not gonan hurt myself.

i feel really good about today so far,

i had a 210 cal breakfast

and worked off 150 already.

 

and i checked this thing and it said my bmr is 1503.35 .

i had a few bumpy days. and a few hours ago i was sobbing

but im fine now and ready to LOOSE. :]]]]]

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i dont think its gross.

i deserve dieases and i know it.

 

yea, but how long till i dont realize it?

i dont wanna be 70 pounds and crying over it

im scared ana will take me

but nothing makes me happier then when i see myself lighter

you don't deserve diseases. You deserve the life you have. Well, if you're that worried, just stop, and diet right. Eat 2000 cal a day and burn off 2200. You should not lose more than 3.5 lbs a week. That's a pound every other day. Don't excerise more than 1800 cal away, otherwise your metabolism will slow and you won't lose the weight. That, and metabolism automatically burns a fixed amount on its own. You can increase your metabolism somewhat by exercising with intelligence. Which does NOT mean seeing the scale and rushing to a treadmill so you can burn off 1800 cal that instant. Take your time. You will reach a healthy weight. When you get there, ease up to where you're only burning slightly less than what you eat. Metabolism will take care of the rest. I promise.

 

i cant do 1800.

i was on the scale a few minutes ago.

im up 6 pounds from 2 days ago.

i cant bear to workout tho. that made me slightly die inside.

i dont wanna "reach a healthy weight."

REACH implies taking time

and i dont care about my health very much

like im not horribly bad to myself

i just dont care if i have to risk a little unhealiness for my ultimate goal

and i want to do it now

ive been SO horrible about how i ate. yesterday i ate like 1090 calories

thats gross.

i only had a smoothie and this amazingly good steak.

so i hope i didnt go over 1000...

its just so stressful

everything i think about and see makes me upset.

a second ago i was happy.

now im crying

i dont know what is going on inside my head

i think im gonna go on the tredmill.

relax. Stress produces cortisol, and cortisol produces belly and buty fat. If you try too hard, you'll just make it worse.

 

Don't worry. I'm pulling for you, as long as you take time to rest. Otherwise, you'll hurt yourself, and that's not cool.

 

teehee buty.

i stress about everything. its hard not to.i try.

 

im not gonan hurt myself.

i feel really good about today so far,

i had a 210 cal breakfast

and worked off 150 already.

 

and i checked this thing and it said my bmr is 1503.35 .

i had a few bumpy days. and a few hours ago i was sobbing

but im fine now and ready to LOOSE. :]]]]]

what's a bmr?

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

isnt it wonderful knowing i dont have to do ANYTHHHING and i burn like (at least)double wut i eat?

that plus working it off too makes me wanna smile like an annyoing anime girl! :D

(idk WHY i am so happy)

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

oh. I wonder what mine is? probably much higher than 1503.35... probably something like 2000 something, knowing how active I am.

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

oh. I wonder what mine is? probably much higher than 1503.35... probably something like 2000 something, knowing how active I am.

Hamsters are somewhere along the bottom of the scale.

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

oh. I wonder what mine is? probably much higher than 1503.35... probably something like 2000 something, knowing how active I am.

 

it doesnt judge by activeness.

just height and weight and age.

if you tell me your info i could find out for you since i cant send you the link..

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

oh. I wonder what mine is? probably much higher than 1503.35... probably something like 2000 something, knowing how active I am.

 

it doesnt judge by activeness.

just height and weight and age.

if you tell me your info i could find out for you since i cant send you the link..

17, 100, 5'2''

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

oh. I wonder what mine is? probably much higher than 1503.35... probably something like 2000 something, knowing how active I am.

 

it doesnt judge by activeness.

just height and weight and age.

if you tell me your info i could find out for you since i cant send you the link..

17, 100, 5'2''

 

it say: You have a BMR of 1301.5

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

oh. I wonder what mine is? probably much higher than 1503.35... probably something like 2000 something, knowing how active I am.

 

it doesnt judge by activeness.

just height and weight and age.

if you tell me your info i could find out for you since i cant send you the link..

17, 100, 5'2''

 

it say: You have a BMR of 1301.5

I know that's wrong... I know my met is higher than it should be. that's just the average for all 17yrold, 5'2'', 100lbs girls.

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what's a bmr?

Basal Metabolic Rate. The number of calories you burned if you stayed in bed all day.

oh. I wonder what mine is? probably much higher than 1503.35... probably something like 2000 something, knowing how active I am.

 

it doesnt judge by activeness.

just height and weight and age.

if you tell me your info i could find out for you since i cant send you the link..

17, 100, 5'2''

 

it say: You have a BMR of 1301.5

I know that's wrong... I know my met is higher than it should be. that's just the average for all 17yrold, 5'2'', 100lbs girls.

 

 

um k

so why r u different?

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I know that's wrong... I know my met is higher than it should be. that's just the average for all 17yrold, 5'2'', 100lbs girls.

 

 

um k

so why r u different?

i dunno. I just feel my body literally burning off calories while doing nothing. I bet you can't feel that. It's really annoying.

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I know that's wrong... I know my met is higher than it should be. that's just the average for all 17yrold, 5'2'', 100lbs girls.

 

 

um k

so why r u different?

i dunno. I just feel my body literally burning off calories while doing nothing. I bet you can't feel that. It's really annoying.

 

well.. 1300 or wutever it said for you is alot to burn doing nothing..

i guess in our piggish society thats nothing compared to the 2500 digusting the average person shovels into their mouth.

 

im still doing pretty bad with my calorie intake tho..

today i ate mcdonalds and when i got home i cried and ran most of it off.

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