Topazia Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 [DISCLAIMER: THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE, IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK, AND IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE PART OF MY LIFE VERSUS A FRIEND, SO DON'T GO ASSUMING ANYTHING!] I feel like crying... He hurt me so deeply today... Lying about something so serious How can I trust a lie? I'm so afraid to trust the truth, and he just made it harder to define... I wanted so badly to believe the lie, accept the broken law... But I knew. Somehow, deep in my heart, I knew he had done it to himself, not hurt it on a fence... I couldn't let him tell me. I kept bouldering, desperately running away in my own way... He wanted to tell me the truth, the reason he was upset, and not just because of urges... Because of a lie... I'm afraid of lies... What they stand for, what they might hide... What the secret behind the lies might do if I found out... I actually cried at the rick gym because of what he said and did... I am still so upset... I can't stop thinking of the knife in my mind running over that forearm, and it hurts! It hurts a lot! I kept moving so I wouldn't have to look at him. I kept on because I was afraid, because I knew with a horrible sick feeling in my chest that it was... I knew it wasn't an accident... I would have preferred he broke the law jumping fences, honestly. I don't want to think about it... I am afraid to accept it as anything but past... but he did it twice... HE DID IT TWICE!!! I'm so scared now, scared of what he was so ashamed of telling me... But what he doesn't realize, is that my empathy is so developed, I put myself in his shoes... But I still managed to accept the monster he still hides within... He can't accept it... Why is it he can befriend the biggest JERK there is and not accept himself? I'm so afraid... Afraid of what, though? Afraid of a severely insane boy? No... I must be afraid of the reason... I'm afraid because he didn't know why he did it. He doesn't know why he didn't stop. He doesn't even know what that did to me! Then again, how could he? I held in my emotions yet again. I let one tear of anguish escape, and he wasn't even looking when I did! He was so afraid to look in my eyes... I don't understand that... Had he seen my face... He would have noticed PAIN, FEAR, SADNESS, ANGER, and WEAKNESS in my eyes. I was hurt, but I also hurt for his sake I am still afraid, because I don't know why Sad, because he lied to me... He knows I could hardly trust him when I thought he was honest... Angry because he not only went against his principles, but because he lied to me about it Weak, because all I wanted was a hug, but he had pushed me away just minutes before... If you think you know what I mean, you don't. You know nothing. I say it not to sound mean, but to vent. Something happened today, and it hurt. So I may or may not have just told you something true, or could this just be one of my invisible poems? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 So I may or may not have just told you something true, or could this just be one of my invisible poems? This could be one of your invisible poems, but either way, there are some people who could relate to exactly what the person in the poem is talking about. If the person in the poem thinks they are alone, then they are very much mistaken. Other people have walked similar paths like they are on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 I know. I feel like crying today. I've somehow been launched deep into one of my fugues of depression, and I can only hope I don't blow up on someone before it goes away... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 [DISCLAIMER: THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE, IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK, AND IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE PART OF MY LIFE VERSUS A FRIEND, SO DON'T GO ASSUMING ANYTHING!] I feel like crying... He hurt me so deeply today... Lying about something so serious How can I trust a lie? I'm so afraid to trust the truth, and he just made it harder to define... I wanted so badly to believe the lie, accept the broken law... But I knew. Somehow, deep in my heart, I knew he had done it to himself, not hurt it on a fence... I couldn't let him tell me. I kept bouldering, desperately running away in my own way... He wanted to tell me the truth, the reason he was upset, and not just because of urges... Because of a lie... I'm afraid of lies... What they stand for, what they might hide... What the secret behind the lies might do if I found out... I actually cried at the rick gym because of what he said and did... I am still so upset... I can't stop thinking of the knife in my mind running over that forearm, and it hurts! It hurts a lot! I kept moving so I wouldn't have to look at him. I kept on because I was afraid, because I knew with a horrible sick feeling in my chest that it was... I knew it wasn't an accident... I would have preferred he broke the law jumping fences, honestly. I don't want to think about it... I am afraid to accept it as anything but past... but he did it twice... HE DID IT TWICE!!! I'm so scared now, scared of what he was so ashamed of telling me... But what he doesn't realize, is that my empathy is so developed, I put myself in his shoes... But I still managed to accept the monster he still hides within... He can't accept it... Why is it he can befriend the biggest JERK there is and not accept himself? I'm so afraid... Afraid of what, though? Afraid of a severely insane boy? No... I must be afraid of the reason... I'm afraid because he didn't know why he did it. He doesn't know why he didn't stop. He doesn't even know what that did to me! Then again, how could he? I held in my emotions yet again. I let one tear of anguish escape, and he wasn't even looking when I did! He was so afraid to look in my eyes... I don't understand that... Had he seen my face... He would have noticed PAIN, FEAR, SADNESS, ANGER, and WEAKNESS in my eyes. I was hurt, but I also hurt for his sake I am still afraid, because I don't know why Sad, because he lied to me... He knows I could hardly trust him when I thought he was honest... Angry because he not only went against his principles, but because he lied to me about it Weak, because all I wanted was a hug, but he had pushed me away just minutes before... If you think you know what I mean, you don't. You know nothing. I say it not to sound mean, but to vent. Something happened today, and it hurt. So I may or may not have just told you something true, or could this just be one of my invisible poems? you work is beautiful. i'm sorry you (or a friend) might (or might not) have delt with this :[ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2006 [DISCLAIMER: THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE, IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK, AND IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE PART OF MY LIFE VERSUS A FRIEND, SO DON'T GO ASSUMING ANYTHING!] I feel like crying... He hurt me so deeply today... Lying about something so serious How can I trust a lie? I'm so afraid to trust the truth, and he just made it harder to define... I wanted so badly to believe the lie, accept the broken law... But I knew. Somehow, deep in my heart, I knew he had done it to himself, not hurt it on a fence... I couldn't let him tell me. I kept bouldering, desperately running away in my own way... He wanted to tell me the truth, the reason he was upset, and not just because of urges... Because of a lie... I'm afraid of lies... What they stand for, what they might hide... What the secret behind the lies might do if I found out... I actually cried at the rick gym because of what he said and did... I am still so upset... I can't stop thinking of the knife in my mind running over that forearm, and it hurts! It hurts a lot! I kept moving so I wouldn't have to look at him. I kept on because I was afraid, because I knew with a horrible sick feeling in my chest that it was... I knew it wasn't an accident... I would have preferred he broke the law jumping fences, honestly. I don't want to think about it... I am afraid to accept it as anything but past... but he did it twice... HE DID IT TWICE!!! I'm so scared now, scared of what he was so ashamed of telling me... But what he doesn't realize, is that my empathy is so developed, I put myself in his shoes... But I still managed to accept the monster he still hides within... He can't accept it... Why is it he can befriend the biggest JERK there is and not accept himself? I'm so afraid... Afraid of what, though? Afraid of a severely insane boy? No... I must be afraid of the reason... I'm afraid because he didn't know why he did it. He doesn't know why he didn't stop. He doesn't even know what that did to me! Then again, how could he? I held in my emotions yet again. I let one tear of anguish escape, and he wasn't even looking when I did! He was so afraid to look in my eyes... I don't understand that... Had he seen my face... He would have noticed PAIN, FEAR, SADNESS, ANGER, and WEAKNESS in my eyes. I was hurt, but I also hurt for his sake I am still afraid, because I don't know why Sad, because he lied to me... He knows I could hardly trust him when I thought he was honest... Angry because he not only went against his principles, but because he lied to me about it Weak, because all I wanted was a hug, but he had pushed me away just minutes before... If you think you know what I mean, you don't. You know nothing. I say it not to sound mean, but to vent. Something happened today, and it hurt. So I may or may not have just told you something true, or could this just be one of my invisible poems? you work is beautiful. i'm sorry you (or a friend) might (or might not) have delt with this :[ Thank you for the empathy(or sympathy) for this that may or may not have happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted July 16, 2006 Report Share Posted July 16, 2006 [DISCLAIMER: THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE, IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK, AND IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE PART OF MY LIFE VERSUS A FRIEND, SO DON'T GO ASSUMING ANYTHING!] I feel like crying... He hurt me so deeply today... Lying about something so serious How can I trust a lie? I'm so afraid to trust the truth, and he just made it harder to define... I wanted so badly to believe the lie, accept the broken law... But I knew. Somehow, deep in my heart, I knew he had done it to himself, not hurt it on a fence... I couldn't let him tell me. I kept bouldering, desperately running away in my own way... He wanted to tell me the truth, the reason he was upset, and not just because of urges... Because of a lie... I'm afraid of lies... What they stand for, what they might hide... What the secret behind the lies might do if I found out... I actually cried at the rick gym because of what he said and did... I am still so upset... I can't stop thinking of the knife in my mind running over that forearm, and it hurts! It hurts a lot! I kept moving so I wouldn't have to look at him. I kept on because I was afraid, because I knew with a horrible sick feeling in my chest that it was... I knew it wasn't an accident... I would have preferred he broke the law jumping fences, honestly. I don't want to think about it... I am afraid to accept it as anything but past... but he did it twice... HE DID IT TWICE!!! I'm so scared now, scared of what he was so ashamed of telling me... But what he doesn't realize, is that my empathy is so developed, I put myself in his shoes... But I still managed to accept the monster he still hides within... He can't accept it... Why is it he can befriend the biggest JERK there is and not accept himself? I'm so afraid... Afraid of what, though? Afraid of a severely insane boy? No... I must be afraid of the reason... I'm afraid because he didn't know why he did it. He doesn't know why he didn't stop. He doesn't even know what that did to me! Then again, how could he? I held in my emotions yet again. I let one tear of anguish escape, and he wasn't even looking when I did! He was so afraid to look in my eyes... I don't understand that... Had he seen my face... He would have noticed PAIN, FEAR, SADNESS, ANGER, and WEAKNESS in my eyes. I was hurt, but I also hurt for his sake I am still afraid, because I don't know why Sad, because he lied to me... He knows I could hardly trust him when I thought he was honest... Angry because he not only went against his principles, but because he lied to me about it Weak, because all I wanted was a hug, but he had pushed me away just minutes before... If you think you know what I mean, you don't. You know nothing. I say it not to sound mean, but to vent. Something happened today, and it hurt. So I may or may not have just told you something true, or could this just be one of my invisible poems? you work is beautiful. i'm sorry you (or a friend) might (or might not) have delt with this :[ Thank you for the empathy(or sympathy) for this that may or may not have happened. always<3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2006 [DISCLAIMER FOR FIRST POST GOES FOR ALL OTHER RAMBLINGS AS WELL INCLUDING THIS ONE] HE BROKE MY HEART He has been yelling at me for two days, giving me the cold shoulder... HE BROKE MY HEART He finally opened up to Delaney, and she told me what was going on... HE BROKE MY HEART We finally talked tonight, and he told me something horrible HE BROKE MY HEART Victor broke his ankle and was really loopy last night from the pain HE BROKE MY HEART Sam was joking around and said it looked like we were flirting HE BROKE MY HEART Micheal told Rob what Sam said because he thought it was real HE BROKE MY HEART Rob believed him and thought he saw me flirt when I was just being myself HE BROKE MY HEART He yelled at me and dodged awhile until he finally blurted it out HE BROKE MY HEART He's been cheated on b4 and all the others said they'd never HE BROKE MY HEART We've only been dating for a year and two months almost HE BROKE MY HEART He commented on Vic and me and suggested he suspected me HE BROKE MY HEART I tried to tell him I'd never do that and that he knows I'm not like those girls HE BROKE MY HEART He didn't believe me and said I was flirting that that was flirting and he didn't like it HE BROKE MY HEART He said those others said I'm different you know I'd never do it HE BROKE MY HEART He's been cheated on b4 and I'm not different than the others HE BROKE MY HEART I couldn't breathe but I wanted to throttle him knock some sense into his head HE BROKE MY HEART I wanted to get up push him to the wall and shout in his face and make him cry while I screamed YOU BROKE MY HEART! You hurt me deeply! Deeply enough to want to die WOndering if we'll last the week Delaney said you want to cry Well now you made me want to die YOU JERK YOU KNOW I'D NEVER DREAM OF CHEATING ON YOU IN A MILLION YEARS YOU KNOW I'M NOT A BIT LIKE THEM JUST SUGGESTING IT IS A SHAME I"M NOT A SNIVELING SNOTNOSED WITCH THAT ONLY WANTS YOU FOR A NIGHT IN BED AND ONCE YOU BREAK ME I LEAVE YOUR LIFE AND LEAVE YOU WISHING FOR A KNIFE YOU LOW DOWN CREEP YOU KNOW I'M GOOD I'M NOT THE GIRL YOU USED TO DATE I'M NOT THE ONE YOU THINK YOU KNOW I'M HONEST BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO I WATN TO MARRY YOU AND LIVE WITH YOU FOREVER CHEATING DOESN'T SUPPORT THAT LOVE ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE ONLY YOURS BUT NOW I'M NOT SO SURE YOU DESERVE ME YOU THINK I'D CHEAT? YOU KNOW THAT'S A LAUGH AND VICTOR'S ABOUT AS HOT AS MY BROTHER TO ME YOU HURT ME ROB YOU HURT ME BAD NOW IT'S MY TURN TO SHOW I'M MAD YOU KNOW I'M HONEST YOU KNOW I'M TRUE YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART I'D NEVER HURT YOU I TOLD YOU A YEAR AGO THAT IF THIS ENDS YOU'LL BE THE ONE WHO SCREWS IT UP I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I JUST WANT A HUG BUT YOU STUPID FAT JERK YOU'VE BROKEN MY HEART AND NOW I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL EVEN MAKE IT PAST 14 MONTHS! All I wanted was to live in peace to love know live for you and now you've done it You've hurt me so deeply I don't know what to say Robert, please hug me and make it okay I need to know you love me I'll cry if you leave me hanging My heart is in shards because of what you've said And now, three days later, we're going to a movie. What is my problem that I can't stay upset? I have ADD I can't focus on much And pain is a part of life I can't handle well. My mind darts here and there I can barely stand to sit still When you break my heart by accusing me OF BETRAYING YOUR TRUST I'll try to look past it I'll try not to cry But moving on is hard when you make me want to die Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 guess what! My house is sinking! There are like, a hundred twenty four cracks in and around the house that an inspector is coming to look at on wednesday! all religioso's, pray for my house! Oh, yeah, and Ich is coming over tomorrow. I'm so happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 guess what! My house is sinking! There are like, a hundred twenty four cracks in and around the house that an inspector is coming to look at on wednesday! all religioso's, pray for my house! Oh, yeah, and Ich is coming over tomorrow. I'm so happy. Oh, this sounds serious. Your parents must be worried about this. Please let us know what the inspector says. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2006 guess what! My house is sinking! There are like, a hundred twenty four cracks in and around the house that an inspector is coming to look at on wednesday! all religioso's, pray for my house! Oh, yeah, and Ich is coming over tomorrow. I'm so happy. Oh, this sounds serious. Your parents must be worried about this. Please let us know what the inspector says. will do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 22, 2006 Report Share Posted July 22, 2006 guess what! My house is sinking! There are like, a hundred twenty four cracks in and around the house that an inspector is coming to look at on wednesday! all religioso's, pray for my house! Oh, yeah, and Ich is coming over tomorrow. I'm so happy. Oh, this sounds serious. Your parents must be worried about this. Please let us know what the inspector says. will do Thanks. I am sure this is a big concern for them. You all are in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2006 You all are in my prayers. horatio has a blatant opinion??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2006 horatio, did you know that when you are anonymous, it just puts an extra guest on the "last Click" link to find out where everybody is? I've noticed that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 22, 2006 Report Share Posted July 22, 2006 horatio, did you know that when you are anonymous, it just puts an extra guest on the "last Click" link to find out where everybody is? I've noticed that. I guess that I am not so anonymous after all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2006 You all are in my prayers. horatio has a blatant opinion??? I notice you didn't reply to this one *stitch voice* h-h-hiiii Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 26, 2006 Report Share Posted July 26, 2006 You all are in my prayers. horatio has a blatant opinion??? I notice you didn't reply to this one *stitch voice* h-h-hiiii LOL Sometimes I am smarter than I appear! *shows cute, fuzzy, furry blonde hamster-side with innocent eyes* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2006 [DISCLAIMER IN EFFECT] That's not the way it should have been! He should care! I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm craaaaaaazyyyyyyy *girl dances in circles with goofy smile on face* I'm loopy I'm loopy I'm totally-otally koooookkyyyyy I know it I'm sure of it I'm confident I'm insane Laughing laughing all the same Laughing guffawing crying lying shouting spinning giggling relaxing for nothing haahahaahhahhahahaha *girl collapses* breathing slow breathing fast never ending laffy taffy all the time goofing off never ending jump! fly meet my sky meet my horizon meet my wings hello wings meet my freedom long live freedom ayiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaa! scoop loopdeloop spin around 360` smile big you're about to die fly fly fly fly fly fly fly so high so low so long so slow so good so bad so what get Glad® I loooooooooooooooooooooove to fly so high so wide so narrow fly through a narrow gorge like on Star Wars EP1 turn sideways go straight smile big you're about to crash SMASH BASH MEET THE FLASH *girl jumps up grinning* I love the world I hate the world I can't live with libel liberty!!! god bless kukus LIKE ME (teehee) --~*-END-*~-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2006 You all are in my prayers. horatio has a blatant opinion??? I notice you didn't reply to this one *stitch voice* h-h-hiiii LOL Sometimes I am smarter than I appear! *shows cute, fuzzy, furry blonde hamster-side with innocent eyes* awwwww a sly hammie! how cccyyyyuuuuuuuuute! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 26, 2006 Report Share Posted July 26, 2006 You all are in my prayers. horatio has a blatant opinion??? I notice you didn't reply to this one *stitch voice* h-h-hiiii LOL Sometimes I am smarter than I appear! *shows cute, fuzzy, furry blonde hamster-side with innocent eyes* awwwww a sly hammie! how cccyyyyuuuuuuuuute! Every now and then I get one step ahead of you, but not very often! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2006 You all are in my prayers. horatio has a blatant opinion??? I notice you didn't reply to this one *stitch voice* h-h-hiiii LOL Sometimes I am smarter than I appear! *shows cute, fuzzy, furry blonde hamster-side with innocent eyes* awwwww a sly hammie! how cccyyyyuuuuuuuuute! Every now and then I get one step ahead of you, but not very often! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 27, 2006 Report Share Posted July 27, 2006 [DISCLAIMER IN EFFECT] That's not the way it should have been! He should care! I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm craaaaaaazyyyyyyy *girl dances in circles with goofy smile on face* I'm loopy I'm loopy I'm totally-otally koooookkyyyyy I know it I'm sure of it I'm confident I'm insane Laughing laughing all the same Laughing guffawing crying lying shouting spinning giggling relaxing for nothing haahahaahhahhahahaha *girl collapses* breathing slow breathing fast never ending laffy taffy all the time goofing off never ending jump! fly meet my sky meet my horizon meet my wings hello wings meet my freedom long live freedom ayiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaa! scoop loopdeloop spin around 360` smile big you're about to die fly fly fly fly fly fly fly so high so low so long so slow so good so bad so what get Glad® I loooooooooooooooooooooove to fly so high so wide so narrow fly through a narrow gorge like on Star Wars EP1 turn sideways go straight smile big you're about to crash SMASH BASH MEET THE FLASH *girl jumps up grinning* I love the world I hate the world I can't live with libel liberty!!! god bless kukus LIKE ME (teehee) --~*-END-*~-- Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2006 [DISCLAIMER IN EFFECT] That's not the way it should have been! He should care! I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm craaaaaaazyyyyyyy *girl dances in circles with goofy smile on face* I'm loopy I'm loopy I'm totally-otally koooookkyyyyy I know it I'm sure of it I'm confident I'm insane Laughing laughing all the same Laughing guffawing crying lying shouting spinning giggling relaxing for nothing haahahaahhahhahahaha *girl collapses* breathing slow breathing fast never ending laffy taffy all the time goofing off never ending jump! fly meet my sky meet my horizon meet my wings hello wings meet my freedom long live freedom ayiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaa! scoop loopdeloop spin around 360` smile big you're about to die fly fly fly fly fly fly fly so high so low so long so slow so good so bad so what get Glad® I loooooooooooooooooooooove to fly so high so wide so narrow fly through a narrow gorge like on Star Wars EP1 turn sideways go straight smile big you're about to crash SMASH BASH MEET THE FLASH *girl jumps up grinning* I love the world I hate the world I can't live with libel liberty!!! god bless kukus LIKE ME (teehee) --~*-END-*~-- Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!! thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowurm Posted July 27, 2006 Report Share Posted July 27, 2006 [DISCLAIMER IN EFFECT] That's not the way it should have been! He should care! I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm craaaaaaazyyyyyyy *girl dances in circles with goofy smile on face* I'm loopy I'm loopy I'm totally-otally koooookkyyyyy I know it I'm sure of it I'm confident I'm insane Laughing laughing all the same Laughing guffawing crying lying shouting spinning giggling relaxing for nothing haahahaahhahhahahaha *girl collapses* breathing slow breathing fast never ending laffy taffy all the time goofing off never ending jump! fly meet my sky meet my horizon meet my wings hello wings meet my freedom long live freedom ayiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaa! scoop loopdeloop spin around 360` smile big you're about to die fly fly fly fly fly fly fly so high so low so long so slow so good so bad so what get Glad® I loooooooooooooooooooooove to fly so high so wide so narrow fly through a narrow gorge like on Star Wars EP1 turn sideways go straight smile big you're about to crash SMASH BASH MEET THE FLASH *girl jumps up grinning* I love the world I hate the world I can't live with libel liberty!!! god bless kukus LIKE ME (teehee) --~*-END-*~-- Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!! thank you. Wonderful! 'get Glad®' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowurm Posted July 27, 2006 Report Share Posted July 27, 2006 I just realised I said exactly what Horatio said... Lmbo. Well, I meant it nevertheless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 27, 2006 Report Share Posted July 27, 2006 I just realised I said exactly what Horatio said... Lmbo. Well, I meant it nevertheless! Great minds think alike! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2006 eggs are good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted July 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted July 30, 2006 Report Share Posted July 30, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted August 2, 2006 Report Share Posted August 2, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Grounding for two weeks is not so bad. You will get through the grounding in no time. Please, if your parents give you rules for driving the car, please follow them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted August 4, 2006 Report Share Posted August 4, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. owch. that really stinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 4, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 4, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Grounding for two weeks is not so bad. You will get through the grounding in no time. Please, if your parents give you rules for driving the car, please follow them. no offense, but... DUH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted August 4, 2006 Report Share Posted August 4, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Grounding for two weeks is not so bad. You will get through the grounding in no time. Please, if your parents give you rules for driving the car, please follow them. no offense, but... DUH DUH yourself. You didn't follow the rules the first time, so why would I think you would follow them the second time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Grounding for two weeks is not so bad. You will get through the grounding in no time. Please, if your parents give you rules for driving the car, please follow them. no offense, but... DUH DUH yourself. You didn't follow the rules the first time, so why would I think you would follow them the second time. bc i learn from my mistakes, unlike some of my rl friends with no conscience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted August 6, 2006 Report Share Posted August 6, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Grounding for two weeks is not so bad. You will get through the grounding in no time. Please, if your parents give you rules for driving the car, please follow them. no offense, but... DUH DUH yourself. You didn't follow the rules the first time, so why would I think you would follow them the second time. bc i learn from my mistakes, unlike some of my rl friends with no conscience. You are fantastic to be able to learn and not repeat your mistakes. Not everyone has that ability. Are you still limited to the six months or did your parents up the time as part of your punishment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Grounding for two weeks is not so bad. You will get through the grounding in no time. Please, if your parents give you rules for driving the car, please follow them. no offense, but... DUH DUH yourself. You didn't follow the rules the first time, so why would I think you would follow them the second time. bc i learn from my mistakes, unlike some of my rl friends with no conscience. You are fantastic to be able to learn and not repeat your mistakes. Not everyone has that ability. Are you still limited to the six months or did your parents up the time as part of your punishment? they upped it a month Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted August 7, 2006 Report Share Posted August 7, 2006 *frets* I'm in so much truble when mom gets home... I have to tell her b4 ich gets here that I took him to BK last night. I'm not allowed. I'm so scared of what she's going to do to me... Maybe send him home, or even take away my car keys! Oh, I"m so worried... I should never have done that... Ever... *feels like crying* *gives Topazia a really, really big hammie bear huggle* Is this a parent requirement or state driving law that you cannot carry passengers for six months? If it is a parent requirement, then the punishment will not be as bad as if it were a state law and the police stopped you, so please don't worry too much. Yes, your mother will yell, scream and be upset and then she will tell your father, but after that is probably not driving for a bit. Of course, the good thing is, you will be given the keys probably sooner if your parents need you to run an errand for them. Remember, if they take away the car, they will now have to drive you to and from work, so this is in your favor. They will probably ask you why you took him, so be prepared. I don't know will probably not be an acceptable answer. Parents were kids once and they know what they did when they were your age, so understand your parents are just trying to protect you from making the same or similar mistakes. I wish there was some way I could help. nope just grounded for two weeks. Grounding for two weeks is not so bad. You will get through the grounding in no time. Please, if your parents give you rules for driving the car, please follow them. no offense, but... DUH DUH yourself. You didn't follow the rules the first time, so why would I think you would follow them the second time. bc i learn from my mistakes, unlike some of my rl friends with no conscience. You are fantastic to be able to learn and not repeat your mistakes. Not everyone has that ability. Are you still limited to the six months or did your parents up the time as part of your punishment? they upped it a month I'm sorry. I hope it goes fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] DARN YOU FAT JERK YELLING AND BLAMING ME THEN GETTING DEFENSIVE OVER NOTHING I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS TO ME I love you so much. You'll always be mine. No one else's. That's THAT STUPID EXCUSE IS GETTING REALLY OLD AND I HOPE YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH I'VE GIVEN UP FOR you are so sweet. I love it when you wrap me up in that big hug, and kiss me passionately in that special way of yours. It's so NICE JOB YOU DUMB LUNK NOW YOU'VE MADE ME CRY AGAIN AND THIS IS GETTING OLD! I KEEP HAVING TO TRY HARD TO FACE FEARS THAT ARE RESURFACING FOR NO GOOD REASON AND YOU DON'T WANNA STOP AND BACK UP TILL MY MEMORY BACKS OFF AGAIN SO JUST STOP fighting gets us nowhere. This is so much nicer. I love spending time alone with you. You're so wonderful. We need to set a time each week to spend TOGETHER IS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO MANAGE AND FOR SOME REASON YOU CAN'T GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD THAT I'M HAVING TROUBLE TOO YEAH I KNOW YOU HAD A BAD START TO LIFE, BUT DARNIT, KID, I'VE SEEN JUST AS MUCH CRAP AS YOU HAVE, THOUGH IN A DIFFERENT light moods are fun to get into with you around. It's so fulfilling to have you holding me tight, protecting me as we talk and enjoy each other's company ALONE DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE AND YOU KNOW IT YOU BIG BRAT! I'M TIRED OF SEEING YOU GET DEPRESSED FOR MYSTERIOUS REASONS AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND AND YELL AT ME WHEN I ASK YOU WHATS BOTHERING YOU AND I'M SO MAD I COULD SCREAM AT YOU FOR hours and hours could pass together, and it would see like an instant to me, my beloved. If only we could be together more often. But no, you have school, and I have to get that internship before I'm thrown out of the academy for being uprepared to WORK IT OUT? YEAH RIGHT, JERK, LET'S WORK IT OUT OVER THE PHONE! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED WHY DON'T we need each other. I need you, and you need me. It isn't by choice. I can't help but love you with my whole HEART WRENCHING TALE, THAT STORY YOU'RE WEAVING ABOUT HOW I'M CHEATING ON YOU OR HOW YOU SAY THINGS YOU DON'T REALLY MEAN GUESS WHAT THAT REALLY HURT AND YOU HAVE YET TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE THINGS right now, I just want to be with you, by your side, away from prying eyes. I just want to see your loving face, like I've longed so many nights without YOU POMPOUS FREAK CAN'T YOU EVER JUST LISTEN WITH MORE THAN YOUR EARS! I'M CRYING, CAN'T YOU HEAR MY VOICE CRACKING AND MY TONE WEAKENING WITH SORROW? YOU AREN'T DEAF, STUPID, USE YOUR EARS, COME on the way home, we'll talk a little about our hopes and dreams. You want to wrestle, I want to write. I can help you with your biography, and you can help me in self-defense. Wouldn't that be WONDERFUL DAY, MY PATOOTIE, KID! I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS WALK AWAY FROM me and you. You and me. Us. I like that. Us. We. Together. Forever. Eternity awaits for our hearts to be JOINED AT THE HIP WE USED TO BE AND NOW YOU'RE MORE DISTANT THAN EVER, JERK! I JUST WANT YOU! I DON'T WANT TO UPSET YOU OR HURT YOU BUT IT'S GETTING HARDER EACH TIME YOU BREAK MY HEART BY PUSHING ME AWAY FROM YOUR embrace me. Hold me tighter. Squeeze me till I can't breathe. I feel safe then. I feel safe in your warm presence, and I love feeling safe around you. I love YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME BUT NOW I'M NOT SO sure of your love, I can do anything and not be afraid you'll leave me for a little MISTAKE, YOU SAY! HAH! I'M NOT AFRAID OF MAKING MISTAKES ANYMORE! IF WE'RE MEANT TO BE, THEN YOU'LL TOLERATE MY SHORTCOMINGS AND ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM BUT YOU CAN'T CAN YOU BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU'D LEAVE ME IF I DIDN'T STOP PESTERING YOU WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING IF YOU'RE UPSET AND WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING THEN I'M GONNA PESTER YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR not so fast, sweetheart. You know how I like to take my time getting home. It gives us more alone time, REMEMBER THIS YOU STUPID INGRATE: I GAVE UP A LOT SO YOU COULD HAVE THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS, AND YOU GAVE UP A TINY PART OF YOUR PERSONALITY THAT IS ALL IN THE PAST MOVE ON IT'S HISTORY BUT YOU CAN'T MOVE ON, YOU'LL NEVER MOVE ON WILL YOU AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'LL HAVE TO BE ISN'T IT? I HATE that is so nice of you to say, that I'm beautiful. Of course, I barely believe you, but you know I didn't used to agree with you at all. Oh, my darling, I love you so much. And I know you love me too. You say it all the time, and I believe YOU SAY IT, BUT DO YOU EVEN MEAN IT ANYMORE? I STILL LOVE YOU BUT YOU MAKE IT SO HARD TO trust me. You know you can always trust me. I've always kept your secret, haven't I? Now, that is something worthy of the rambling title. I'm getting good at this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2006 nice properly furious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 10, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2006 kuku kuku kuku kuku i am crazy but i like my life I am loony but i like my energy it never ends it's always there energy forever hehehehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehehhehehhehe...... Ilove the sound of children's laughter. So innocent So pure So carefree I love it. It's the essence of peace. Of bliss. children are so wonderfully gentle in spirit. I love the way they fall in love with the world around them. That age is so wonderful... It's a shame that it's so short Short-lived I love the sound of children's laughter It reminds me of how sweet I used to be How innocent I used to feel How simple the world I saw was. I miss that time. I miss the giggles. I dream of little girls frolicking in the rain, gigging that perfect girl giggle, turning to you, gazing with such raw love it's astounding, and leaves me stunned. I wish I could be that girl again. I wish I could spin around in the wet fields, giggling and laughing at the sheer simplicity of it all, enjoying myself more than I have since I grew out of it. I wish I could see life for the first time again, feel that sense of wonder and reverence for little things again; I just want to be as innocent as a little girl one more time before I die. I wish I could. But it's so hard to make time for the play my inner gigglebox requires. I want to color in coloringbokks and not get stared at. I want to rediscover the ultimate joy of dried-out playdoh after it's been molded. I'd love, absolutely love a second chance at girlhood. It's such a shame that it can never happen, because I'm part of the present, not the future, now. And yet... Always... In my heart there will eternally be a small sliver of hope of childhood of laughter for the next chapter. I can become a child again through my daughter's eyes. When that time comes in my life, the motherhood deal, I have another chance. I can live the joys of childhood all over again. The hope of childish joy is often the only thing keeping me from giving up, next to my steadfast faith in the Lord. Oh child of the light Singing sweetly in the rain I want to hear your singing Softly in my ear again I love to hear your voice Laughing over little things Loving kittens dearly So softly, I also sing I'd love to join your peals of joy I'd love to join your wonderland Somehow I've lost my childhood And now I want to see again firsthand Oh child of the light I'd love to hear you say it, too I love to feel you tightly hugging Whispering "Mommy I love you" I love to feel your joy At simple parts of nature A butterfly lands on your nose And it's a grand adventure I'd love to join your peals of joy I'd love to join your wonderland Somehow I've lost my childhood And now I want to see again firsthand okay, I'm all done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] SPLITTING UP?! You jerk, you don't get it do you? I'm afraid to split up, even if we intend to get back together! You were hurt. You said that. You were hurt and needed a hug before you were ready for another relationship. I was hurt, too! I was "crawling into somebody's arms while I licked my wounds", too! What makes you think that if we split up, you won't get hurt again? What makes you think I won't get hurt again! I don't want anyone else! I don't want to wake up in the morning knowing I don't get to spend time with the man I love! I don't want to see someone I don't love! I don't want to know any other man! You don't understand, beloved. I know we are fighting, and I don't want to. I know that if we don't do something, this will die, and I don't want that. I want us to work but... I don't want to split up, even with the intention of getting back together! I want you. I don't want anyone but you. I don't want to get hurt. I've been hurt, beloved. I'm just like you. I entered this for the same reasons you did. I was looking for a pair of arms to hold me until I was healed. Not all boys are willing to wait. I don't want to get hurt, or worse. I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want you to get hurt again, strengthening your thoughts that all girls are the same witchy, coldhearted jerkette who just wants one thing from you and will dump you three days after you give it to her. I don't want you to be hurt. I want you to be happy. With me. -------- Okay. Rant's over. Eddie needs the pc now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] I promised you without thinking I just wanted to know your life story Now you feel bad I feel bad, too, though Yeah, you pressured me into it But I let you pressure me into it I'm the one who said you could I'm the one who bargained with you Sometimes you'll never understand me But somtimes you will know exactly what's wrong without even asking Like, as if you could possibly know the feeling when you promise someone something And when they try to take you up on it Your worst expriences come back to you In a violent flash of recollection Don't make me think You know not to make me think I shut down and can't make a decision I want to make you happy I want to try new things But I don't want my pleasure TAINTED with pain Flashes of hurt Flashes of fear anger hatred pain yearning discomfort betrayal victimization Flashes of visuals that I don't want Flashes of flashes that I didn't need That I didn't deserve Flashes of the horror that my life today hides The horror that made me hate sudden change But I still don't know how to plan ahead I don't know when to tell When to say stop To say no Because I'm not normal I'm not even close How can I know what normal is When you aren't normal You're not even close How can you know what normal is How can I trust your take on normality How can I trust my take on normality What is the normal level of comfort You say tell you when my comfort level is crossed My comfort level is crossed just past kissing you I say it You say tell you when my little red flags start giving off sirens I tried that today You kept trying to push it That "I don't know" meant I'm afraid I'm afraid to let you I don't want my past You brought it back You brought back pain And then you SLIPPED Bringing it back more I asked you to hold me You didn't even come close You let me sit there On your lap And you kept trying to push it I know I promised I know you wanted it I also know something else When I want to be held I want to be held Not given a pillow And maybe half an arm around me I want to be held That means holding me tight I feel safer then I feel secure I feel better I almost cried And I lied Said I wasn't about to cry You were smart not to believe me You were stupid not to press it You should have pressed it You should not have pressed it to begin with though But since you did I'm scarred You scarred me And now it will take time to heal And you want to try again in TWO DAYS?! I almost cried when you left I didn't because she came home from picking him up It's not your fault It's mostly your fault It's partly my fault It's entirely Al's fault You should feel guilty For bringing back this pain But you'll never know it Because you don't care enough to check Too bad Because this time You really need to see what you're doing to me ---------- Okay this was totally random and incongruous, but yeah. My brain is melting into a liquid state of insanity brought on by trying to write these ramblings off the top of my head with nothing backing them up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted August 26, 2006 Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Collecting all sanities! Come to Horatio's for a trip to Sanity Springs Spa! Rest, relaxation and rejeuvenation! Sign up for the helicopter ride to the secluded, beautiful spa, hidden from all those sanity stealers. Guaranteed totally safe and secure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowurm Posted August 26, 2006 Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Collecting all sanities! Come to Horatio's for a trip to Sanity Springs Spa! Rest, relaxation and rejeuvenation! Sign up for the helicopter ride to the secluded, beautiful spa, hidden from all those sanity stealers. Guaranteed totally safe and secure. ...As soon as I get nameless back from TGHL, I'll check him in there. He needs a break. (Read story to understand ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted August 26, 2006 Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] I promised you without thinking I just wanted to know your life story Now you feel bad I feel bad, too, though Yeah, you pressured me into it But I let you pressure me into it I'm the one who said you could I'm the one who bargained with you Sometimes you'll never understand me But somtimes you will know exactly what's wrong without even asking Like, as if you could possibly know the feeling when you promise someone something And when they try to take you up on it Your worst expriences come back to you In a violent flash of recollection Don't make me think You know not to make me think I shut down and can't make a decision I want to make you happy I want to try new things But I don't want my pleasure TAINTED with pain Flashes of hurt Flashes of fear anger hatred pain yearning discomfort betrayal victimization Flashes of visuals that I don't want Flashes of flashes that I didn't need That I didn't deserve Flashes of the horror that my life today hides The horror that made me hate sudden change But I still don't know how to plan ahead I don't know when to tell When to say stop To say no Because I'm not normal I'm not even close How can I know what normal is When you aren't normal You're not even close How can you know what normal is How can I trust your take on normality How can I trust my take on normality What is the normal level of comfort You say tell you when my comfort level is crossed My comfort level is crossed just past kissing you I say it You say tell you when my little red flags start giving off sirens I tried that today You kept trying to push it That "I don't know" meant I'm afraid I'm afraid to let you I don't want my past You brought it back You brought back pain And then you SLIPPED Bringing it back more I asked you to hold me You didn't even come close You let me sit there On your lap And you kept trying to push it I know I promised I know you wanted it I also know something else When I want to be held I want to be held Not given a pillow And maybe half an arm around me I want to be held That means holding me tight I feel safer then I feel secure I feel better I almost cried And I lied Said I wasn't about to cry You were smart not to believe me You were stupid not to press it You should have pressed it You should not have pressed it to begin with though But since you did I'm scarred You scarred me And now it will take time to heal And you want to try again in TWO DAYS?! I almost cried when you left I didn't because she came home from picking him up It's not your fault It's mostly your fault It's partly my fault It's entirely Al's fault You should feel guilty For bringing back this pain But you'll never know it Because you don't care enough to check Too bad Because this time You really need to see what you're doing to me ---------- Okay this was totally random and incongruous, but yeah. My brain is melting into a liquid state of insanity brought on by trying to write these ramblings off the top of my head with nothing backing them up. aw. i can like 1/9 relate. not for the same reasons though. i dont know.. i cant relate, its mean to even compare myself. but aw. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 I didn't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] I know you're afraid I'm afraid, too You might not always realize it But I am If you'll take the time to notice You'll see my eyes shining With uncertainty With fear hesitation The feeling that I'm being pushed into something You say you felt it today And you got away with your reward Without it Guess what I wanted you to go down that slide You gave me guilt trip for it AND STILL GOT AWAY WITH IT Yeah, I enjoy it But it's a matter of principle Let's see here You said you'd go down the Bullet with me We went twice (thank you) You said you'd hold your tongue And not blow up at my mom However much she bugs you You'd try harder to stop fighting You'd try harder not to curse around me I will hold this over your head If you slip up, you will regret it But on a lighter note WOW it's amazing How you can make me feel like I'm lower than crud For "forcing" you to go down a slide And then turning me around Like a top Swept off my feet Trapped in the world of blind bliss I still can't figure you out Caught in the whirlwind of emotion Kissing you passionately As you embrace me Promising with three little words that you'll never let me go You'll never hurt me on purpose You'll never try to cross me Never break a promise Never leave me hanging Never let me down Or let me fall You promise with these three little words None of them longer than four letters That you'll always be there You'll never ever leave me Or hurt me You say it like you mean it And I let myself believe you That you truly do And you're not lying Or kidding around In your words "I love you" "You are mine" "And you will be mine..." "For ever and ever..." "I hope you don't mind..." "Because it's true." I love these words coming from your mouth I love hearing that you love me And that you'll never let me go But sometimes Every once in a blue moon (I'm thinking de-pantsed Smurfs) I doubt you And I hate to admit it But I have to say it I'm afraid to lie But I lie everyday To save you I lie I'm not about to cry A rain drop just hit my eye (But it really did) Nothing is wrong I just have a stomacheache (But I really do) You aren't hurting me My past is in the past (But it's still coming back) (And I don't want it to) I can't shake the feeling That you brought om yesterday I almost cried But I could only lie The more I dwell on it The worse I get Don't force me to try I'll only cry And then you'll want to die And then so will I Because I made you this way Why can't I heal Why can't you just hold me sometimes I wish you could read my eyes like I can read yours I wish I could let go of my twisted pride and let you into my brain But it doesn't work You can never come in Because of what Al did to me And nobody knows about him What he did to me Except you And Bryan And my family Not even Mir Or Brian Or Leigh I want them to know But I'm afraid to tell them I'm afraid to trust them You said I've only faced one fear for you The fear of being touched Well, let me list them for you, my beloved The fear of being touched The fear of being touched by a member of the male species The fear of trusting another The fear of trusting myself The fear of trusting a member of the male species The fear of letting myself love The fear of letting myself love another The fear of letting myself love me The fear of letting myself love a member of the male species The fear of letting myself go The fear of letting myself go for a member of the male species The fear Al instilled deep inside my skull that all men will hurt me if I let them get too close The fear of falling The fear of falling in love The fear of rejection The fear of telling my secret to a member of the male species The fear of telling my secret to anyone The fear of losing myself in frivolous flirting with no destination The fear of saying yes to a ring The fear of standing up for my principles The fear of standing up for myself The fear of standing up period The fear of opening up The fear of opening up to a member of the male species The fear of others The fear of all men The fear I had of you when I found out you liked me The fear I had of myself The fear of finding myself The fear of saving myself for your sake The fear of expecting you to follow the same standards I follow The fear of actually following them The fear of letting them go every once in awhile The fear of letting myself fall into your arms The fear of letting myself feel so good The fear of letting you make me feel so good The fear of me The fear of others The fear of you I have let so much go for you And you still can't seem to show enough appreciation for the one fear you mentioned Show me some leeway And maybe you'll see me happier more often Instead of the mental breakdown patient I was yesterday ---------------------- I think that suffices to make you think I'm crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 I didn't get it. nevermind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowurm Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 I think that suffices to make you think I'm crazy. Nope. It was similar to Lauren's prose, and I like her prose and I don't think she's crazy. Yeah. 'Twas good. I likes it. You can have a poetic pirate award. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamster Luver Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 great poem... wow i always thought i wuz the only one that felt that kind of stuff... but i guess not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] Why can't I have just one smidgeon of privacy in my life?! I finally find a way to rant without blowing my beloved's ear off, and now I'm getting grief! Why can't I have just one smidgeon of privacy in my life?! I'm getting told that my beloved smokes, is a bad influence, and that we should break up! How do you think I feel? There's a reason I was crying, you know who! It's because you're attacking my life! He's the only one I feel safe around! I feel secure around him, and I trust him with secrets that you must never know! There are secrets that I hold from my convoluted past that no one must know! NOT EVEN YOU! And now I can't even think about slipping them into a rant because you're here, and you're not even supposed to be able to read the story forums! You're not registered! HK doesn't want you guests in the story forum bc we're afraid of plagiarism! Now I can't even rant anymore because you've pirated another secret life away from me! Darn it all, I just want one place I can type and let others see what I have to say! I just want one place! I thought this was it, but now you're reading it! Now you're jumping to conclusions that you know nothing about! Yes, this one is directed to you, youknowwho! I'm keeping you innocent because the disclaimer would be usurped! I hope you're happy! I've lost the only place I can let people read my thoughts! The only place I could write and not worry about being confronted About the things that I'm venting out through insane ramblings that have nothing to do with my life! I have nothing now! Yes, you'll be hurt, youknowwho, but I don't care! I'm tired of staying up late typing my brains out! I'm tired of knowing how badly I want people to read my works! But now I have to settle for my drive and only share it with my beloved! I can only share it with my beloved and he doesn't even read all of it! You attacked me today ands you didn't even see it in my eyes! Am I really that good at hiding from you, or are you just that BLIND?! A teenager needs space and room for mistakes! I appreciate your love and your want to protect me BUT WHAT IF I WANT TO MAKE A MISTAKE?! What if I WANT to walk astray Make a mistake Learn from my own problems Get hurt and stronger for it? Yes, I know you don't want me to get hurt BUT DARNIT YOU'RE MAKING IT HARD TO GROW UP! I'm not ready to be an adult! I want to be ready, but you won't leave me alone! I'm seventeen! Back off a little! I'm not a littel girl anymore! I'm not an angel anymore! I can still fool you into thinking it, but I'm not an innocent little girl! I'm a teenager! I'm almost an adult! I want room to breathe! I'm tired of holding back because you'll say I'm attacking you for no reason But I'm not! I'm not attacking you! I'm reacting defensively to your attacks on MY LIFE! You're the attacking one! Not me! I don't care if you get angry! You accuse my beloved of smoking because he smells of his mother's cigarettes And his dad doesn't Well Daddy dearest isn't near his mom as often as he is And it's not fair to accuse him of something so terrible! It's not fair to me to accuse him of being a bad influence! Even if he is, what if I WANT a bad influence?! What if I jsut want to fall every once in a while To make sure I'm still human? fWhat if I want to make mistakes So I can learn Stop sheltering me! I can take care of myself if you'll just give me the time to learn how! There's two schools of hard knocks! My beloved is going to one And I want desperately to get into the other so I can learn on my own what real danger is! I know what I do wrong! I do it on purpose to see if you'll leav me alone! I'd fix it if you'd just give me the chance! I'd find my way if you'd jsut give me the chance! Darnit all I JUST WANT SOME ROOM WHY CAN"T I HAVE ONE PLACE WHERE STRANGERS CAN READ MY WORK AND YOU NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY INSANE LIFESTYLE?! I want some breathing room Some margin of error A chance to recover from my mistakes IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY without guidance other than that of GOD (let it through I beg you H) Without guidance besides that of my instincts, the GOD of all (let it through), and my beloved! I'm almost an adult Let me try my hand at adulthood Please I'm begging you Let me fall Just once or twice A few times will knock some sense into my head And I even have a fallback incase I need help I have my beloved And I have you Please let me fall down Let my knees get a good scrape before panicking I need to know Or I'll never undersrtand I want to grow up my way Let me If I hurt your feelings, I'm not very sorry What you told me today didn't feel good I didn't like it I don't care about life anymore Let me revive my energy before it's all gone Because you love me And I love you But sometimes I need to be let loose Learn on my own From my own mistakes I love you I really do But I need to grow up And your wonderful wing has sheltered me long enough I admire you I want to turn out like you, only with some improvements Not many Just a little less protective A little more lenient I won't blow up I won't cuss when the strain of frustration gets too great I might scream a little But not a lot I'm not rejecting you I'm not running away Least of all from you I want to find myself Amidst the turmoil of my past My future My present I want to learn who I really am Beneath the blank stare I peer in the mirror And don't recognize myself Who am I? I'd liek to find out Will you let me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted August 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 horatio reads fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
___ Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 topazia u r gud riter i wish i cud rite lyk u u shud b a riter wen u gro ^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamster Luver Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 y cant a write like u? its not fair! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamster Luver Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 my writing is just like jfkeowjr82390u-qt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMyOwnMindx Posted August 31, 2006 Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 y cant a write like u? its not fair! i wish i could write like paz. everyone thinks im just as good but im really not.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted September 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 y cant a write like u? its not fair! i wish i could write like paz. everyone thinks im just as good but im really not.. yes you are The writer is always the harshest critic of her work. That's why I listen more to others than to myself when it comes to compliments on my work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted September 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 horatio check out my signature. I found a transparent html color code. [DISCLAIMER] Webster's Word of the Week Separate- 1, to withdraw or secede 2, to part, to come apart, or become disconnected 3,to part company, to go in different directions, to cease to be associated 4, to stop being together as a man and a wife 5, to become distinct, or disengaged, as in the cream separates from teh milk 1,2,confederate stew 3,4,please no more 5,6,there is no six 7,8,fill my plate 9,10,don't try again I quote from Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Deluxe Second Edition Dorset & Baber ©1983 ----------------------- I don't understand you Keeping secrets Feeling angry at my curious nature I wish I did But I can't ask you to explain Because you'll accuse me of pestering you Or smothering you Or intruding But my love, I must know If we are to succeed together I must know who you are All aspects All secrets Why are we fighting? I'll tell you why: We aren't communicating I can ask you about your past How amazing it is you are alive I can ask you about your family About your friends But not about you Why? I want to know you Not your family Not your friends You Y-O-U You're the one I'm in love with You're the one I promised to wait for You're the one I want to know You're the prize Not your past Not your future Not our future You I want you Nothing else If I am to have you, though I must know you If I am to know you I must know all of you Your secrets Your past Your dreams Your hopes and fears Your family Your friends Your limits Your principles Your whole life I want to know it all I'm curious, yes But it's about you Not for my satisfaction I want to know you because you're the only thing that matters anymroe Is that so hard to see in my eyes? You're what is keeping me going strong I would never quit on you I never will Unless you quit first It'll be your fault if we don't make it through Partly mine because I let you But it will be your doing If you don't tell me what's going on in your life We may as well stop seeing each other You say I'm not ready WHAT IN BLAZES IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??? I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU WITHIN MY BOUNDARIES YOU SAID YOU WOULD TALK TO ME YOU PROMISED GAVE ME YOUR WORD AND NOW YOU'RE PLAYING PUTSYFOOT WITH ME! STOP IT I WANNA KNOW I HAFTA KNOW IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'LL TELL ME BUT YOU WON'T TELL ME HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME FEEL HOW DO YOU THINK ANSWER ME THAT! I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! TELL ME! please! repeat yourself just one more time i'll listen, i promise i never break a promise i feel broken when i do you know this you found out the hard way i upheld my promise as long as i could because you deserve to have a girlfriend who will stay by her word for once i stayed my screams of torment because of my past because i couldn't help feeling the fear the fear that is etched in my memory forever haunting me haunting my dreams i can't sleep haunting my days i can't focus i just want it to stop i want the screams in my heart to subside i'm out of breath from it somehow you remind me of my past i don't understand you love me you've never hurt me you've never tried to do anything against my will you've always waited for my naive sense of insecurity to lessen you've always instilled confidence in me why is my memory bothering me now after so many years so many forgotten lies so many tears not worth the chemicals in them? i'm a mess i know it i wish i wasn't but shrinks don't help meds don't help only warmth love embrace comfort presence only simple things help simple things that many forget how to do oh the world is a crazy place hardly any love left and only a sliver comes to me i pour out so much into everything i like success i pour out my soul when i write though sometimes i stick meaningless junk around it to dilute it into oblivion so nobody really knows how bad i am how much is fake how much is real i pour out my life onto the page and nobody at leat not the important bodies reads it because they know how much it is they know how little i write of myself or how much depending on if i want to be honest and straight with you people teh important people don't really come here i copy+paste to them via email but i don't think they really read it i pour out so much love and caring into everything i do i don't have enough for myself anymore i need a break but i can't get one becasue i'm a perfectionist who loves control who has a bad body image who is deeply in love afraid to admit it to herself afraid to admit defeat when scared lost cold it doesn't matter i'm the person everybody adores but nobody admits it so i desappear i won't disappear you needn't worry but sometimes i feel like it i feel like curling closing my eyes and fading into nonexistence that's why i call you, my beloved that's why i depend on our phone calls because nothing else helps i tried praying i don't have the patience your voice helps your presence works miracles i wish you were here i wish i were here but i'm not all here up there, in my brain, i have no self i am a nonthing yes, a nonthing not a nothing because nothing doesn't exist it's a concept that can't be proven (negating any Big Bang theory you have, since thats somting coming from a nothing) i'm a nonthing that exists a nonthing (i just typed momthing on accident the momthing reads my hd and flipped out, btw but everything is good now) (i think) a nonthing is a thing that has no defining qualities and being such gives me an identity one i desperately need one i adore with all my heart even if it's not a real identity but a non-identity i am a wallflower i blend in i'm short; that helps but i can disappear in a matter of seconds when i want to i got very good at that it is what made me so smart i can disappear and listen to adult conversations and understand but that's just it i understand concepts not nonconcepts i don't get me oh, my beloved, why can't i jsut grow up already and take charge of my own life and see you when i want when i need i do need you it's not an obsession it's not an addiction though the momthing may disagree (to the momthing: it's funny so live with it. no offense or nuthin) it's just a thing like food water air blood there is a rule of 3s that tells when the average person will die 3wks without food 3days without water 3minutes without air 3seconds without blood 3yrs without a friend a confidant a love a care 3 years without a care will kill you maybe not physically emotionally, you die mentally, you shut down physically, you look sad but it's so much more than that i'd know i'm just now coming back to life from the years without a care in the world years without love in my heart i had shallow love like kittens and being nice everybody is like that deep down but i didn't care i didn't have a passion a confidant the shrinks weren't confidential the momthing was there somtimes (okay, that is now an official inside joke) the brainthing got in the way of passion the heartthing had no place to hide from the brainthing so the emotionthings withered away into nothings again, nothing doesn't exist it's a concept so the emotions disappeared into the world of conceptual thinking i could fake it i can fake anything except crying and be believable i have no identity and that is what makes me so adaptable with no identity i have to limits to who i am I am a Disciple of Christ but that isn't who i am note the punctuation there yes, i mean it look at it i have no I i only have what i see but i don't see the real me i weigh too little the belovedthing says otherwise the momthing says otherwise everbodythings say otherwise! they don't see me either they see the almost perfect girl with the almost perfect body and the almost perfect voice but i'm not almost perfect i'm irreparably flawed that's who i see in the mirror i see a haggard witch no beauty maybe some pretty skin a nice smile but no inner beauty i did for awhile then something changed i don't know what changed to make me so depressed all of a sudden why am i writing all of this? i've only used up 8675 characters out of the 102400 available wow too much the parentthings are home so the nonthing must go farewell, hampsterthings birdthings and cheddarthings (and the Laurenthing. definitely the Laurenthing. See? you even get capitalized!) Oh, and the glowurmthing. good nocturn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 You are amazing! Have a great night!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted September 9, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2006 You are amazing! Have a great night!!! good night to you too but why am i amazing? I'm only venting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted September 9, 2006 Report Share Posted September 9, 2006 You are amazing! Have a great night!!! good night to you too but why am i amazing? I'm only venting. Because you have an amazing way to word your venting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted September 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 thanks horatio. [DISCLAIMER] *numb* we did he need help i help i try at least and then we say goodbye but for how long? we are not dating anymore but for how long? how long until i see your handsome face? how long until I feel your warm embrace? How long, my love, until I'm in your arms? Until I can breathe, because I am not harmed? How long will it be until I can call you mine? How long does it take for you to turn back time? How long until your needs are under control? How long until I can trust you to have and to hold? How long do I have to be single until you agree? How long until you decide you're ready for me? How long will we be separate, detached, apart? How long until I can welcome you back in my heart? How long will I miss my perfect ring? How long until I have courage enough to take the sting? How long do I have to submit to your wanting to breathe? How long until I can let myself believe? Why did I let myself feel this way for you? Why did I consent to easing your mind? Why did I stop following my own rules for you? Why didn't I cry? Am I numb? Did you kill me? Have I lost my small sliver of self? I feel no love I feel no life I feel nothing No gladness No sadness No hope No despair Who am I? Why am I so distant from myself? Why have I let you do this to me? Why did we separate? Why did I have to do this the last day I'd see you for an eternity? Why couldn't you take me to one more movie? Heck, I'd treat. I'm so tired. I feel nothing. I wish I felt something. Anything. Even hatred would be better than this numb nonthing I've become. I want emotion. It's the best part of life. My chest hurts. My stomach hurts. Myself hurts. But I have no self. How can a nothing hurt? Do I still have myself? I itch. I have an itch to do something but I don't know what. What will I do? Fly? Drown? Explode? Implode? Dream? Fall? Float? Die? Talking about this makes me hungry. Hungry for what? I don't want food. I want you. My beloved. Am I addicted to you? Obsessed? I don't think I am. I think I'm just missing your embrace, smile, passion. I miss you. And we've only been apart for a day. I see you tomorrow evening. But can I still sit with you? Can I still look at you? I'll feel so awkward. That's an awkward looking word, itself. If only I had a name for this total lack of emotion. Numb buzzes. Empty is hollow. I'm full of nothing. I don't feel empty or numb. Just a nonthing with nothing in her heart. I can smile. I can enjoy life. But I'm not me. what now? i dying i feel it in bones but what do i really feel what have i become where did the real me go i think you stole it i think you have me locked away in a tower leaving only my shell to fake people out i good at faking have lots of experience i dyng numb wuh *exhale* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 *cries* its not here... i knew i couldnt be open on here... wah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 7, 2006 Report Share Posted October 7, 2006 *cries*its not here... i knew i couldnt be open on here... wah! Please don't cry. *gives Topazia a giant hammie bear huggle* Some things, although great works of art, are not suitable for everyone. My apologies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2006 *cries* its not here... i knew i couldnt be open on here... wah! Please don't cry. *gives Topazia a giant hammie bear huggle* Some things, although great works of art, are not suitable for everyone. My apologies. *cries anyway because I didn't save it and now it's gone* i suppose it's not your fault... At least I have my blogs... both places i use another name... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I'm SUPPOSED to be OVER YOU, PEST! Why can't I move on, get a guy! Why can't I stop yearning for you, For what you did to make me feel so giddy?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! I just want a guy to love, a guy to hold me! I just want a guaranteed hug when I'm down! I don't want hugs from Mom; I can't depend on her for more than MOTHERHOOD AND LECTURES!!! I want someone to love! I want someone to feel my passionate kiss! I want a god-forsaken KISS! I want a pair of sweet lips to come home to! I want someone who will love me for who I am! Someone I can love for himself! I want a young man who can carry his own weight! I want a beloved! I want to love someone! I want someone to feel the passionate desire I hide! I want someone to stir me, to sweep me off my feet! I want someone who will support me, push me on! I want someone who will help me perservere! I want someone who won't ask for anything BUT LOVE for his love!! I want someone who won't pressure me! I want someone who won't ask for that which he does not deserve! I don't want some nymphet jerk with psycho problems! I WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN STIMULATE MY MIND! I want a smart young man, my own age! I don't want some freakshow jerk who can't hold it in! I want a straight, kind, warm, funny, smart young man! I want someone worthy of my love! I want someone to love and cherish, to have and to hold! I want someone who will treat me as an equal, not condescend! I want someone to acknowledge my pained past, my secrets of today AND THE BLEAK DESERT OF MY FUTURE! I want someone to love me through my depression And love me all the same when I'm at a high point! I want a man, a REAL MAN, to keep me! I want someone who will keep his bloody promises! I want someone with fidelity and honor! I want someone who is okay with financial help WHEN HE'S POOR IN THE GUTTER! I want someone worth my time! I want someone who thinks I'm worth it! I want someone to accept me SO I CAN STOP FAKING IT! I'M NOT OKAY! I'M NOT FINE! I'M HURTING! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?! THAT'S THE TRUTH! I'M DYING INSIDE BECAUSE MY ONLY ESCAPE TREATED ME LIKE TRASH AND THEN CHEATED ON ME WITH MY BEST FRIEND! I'm breaking apart inside I'm depressed and I know it. I'm hallucinating about the past I never shared with HD I'm having moments of fear stemming from the past I did share! I'm filling up with fear because I CAN'T HANDLE IT! I CAN'T HANDLE LIFE ANYMORE! I NEED SOMEONE HERE BESIDE ME! I need someone who will love me. I need a man who will love me and cherish me. I need a man worth my time, one I can marry. I don't like being single, especially after a relationship lasting one week shy of 16 months. I need someone who can hold me, who can help me when I'm broken, who can keep me on firm ground when I'm hot with anger or giddy with desire. I need someone with a strong faith, one who can lead me closer to The One as I go through life. I need a man who can admit defeat, who can apologize when he's screwed up. I need him to be able to look at me when I'm down, see that I'm hurting, kiss me and say it's okay, he's here now, he'll hold me while I recover. I need someone who admits when he's wrong, and does all in his power to make right again. I need someone who will support me, who I can support, who can be himself around my parents so they support him, too. I need a lover who will keep me safe when I'm alone in myself, who will show me there's light when I'm lost in the darkness of my barrier-ridden mind. I need someone who can love me for who I am, for who I was, for who I am as a result of my past. I need someone who I can relate to, who I can love with all my heart as I so foolishly did with him, and not have to worry about having my heart twisted and torn! Is that so much to ask? Where have all the stars gone in this shadowy time of darkness? When did things change? When did my standards drop so far as to admit him into my heart? As Mom said, "You're a little social worker, even without the degree, Atwi. Don't date your patients." Thank you so much, mother. now I can relax in your STUPID TRUTH! Really: Are these qualities so much to ask from a boy? If so, why? If I can't have someone who will love me, really love me for everything I've done and had done that killed me, then I guess I'm going to die a single virge with no love in her life. If only life was okay... I could actually feel my fingers and toes. This water is freezing... -4771- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 22, 2006 Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 *gives Topazia a giant hammie bear huggle* Your mother is only trying to be helpful, not have to you face a truth. When you are not directly involved, it is so easy to see what is happening with someone else. Please go, give your mother a big hug, tell her just how much you love her and appreciate her. She is trying to save you from some hurt and pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2006 *gives Topazia a giant hammie bear huggle* Your mother is only trying to be helpful, not have to you face a truth. When you are not directly involved, it is so easy to see what is happening with someone else. Please go, give your mother a big hug, tell her just how much you love her and appreciate her. She is trying to save you from some hurt and pain. Well, yeah, I know... but... See, I actually have this thing where I can step back from myself and look at it. I knew full well what was going on. I just couldn't make myself say something. I did that this morning. I love her so much. She's the best mom I could hope for. I mean, I can improve on it, but hey, that just makes her even better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted October 23, 2006 Report Share Posted October 23, 2006 *gives Topazia a giant hammie bear huggle* Your mother is only trying to be helpful, not have to you face a truth. When you are not directly involved, it is so easy to see what is happening with someone else. Please go, give your mother a big hug, tell her just how much you love her and appreciate her. She is trying to save you from some hurt and pain. Well, yeah, I know... but... See, I actually have this thing where I can step back from myself and look at it. I knew full well what was going on. I just couldn't make myself say something. I did that this morning. I love her so much. She's the best mom I could hope for. I mean, I can improve on it, but hey, that just makes her even better. Glad to hear you did that. A great relationship between a young person and their parents is very, very important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2006 *gives Topazia a giant hammie bear huggle* Your mother is only trying to be helpful, not have to you face a truth. When you are not directly involved, it is so easy to see what is happening with someone else. Please go, give your mother a big hug, tell her just how much you love her and appreciate her. She is trying to save you from some hurt and pain. Well, yeah, I know... but... See, I actually have this thing where I can step back from myself and look at it. I knew full well what was going on. I just couldn't make myself say something. I did that this morning. I love her so much. She's the best mom I could hope for. I mean, I can improve on it, but hey, that just makes her even better. Glad to hear you did that. A great relationship between a young person and their parents is very, very important. You ain't kiddin', H! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted October 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] Hoping to Die by Atwi By Fire I could burn for hours, but the scorching heat wouldn't work. By Suffocation I could hold my breath, and the plastic bag wouldn't work. By Air I could withstand a lot of torture, but the burning plastic wouldn't work. By Water I could swim to the bottom, but the inhalation wouldn't work. By Cutting I could slice my neck, but the blood loss wouldn't do. By Smoking I could toke for hours, but the chemicals wouldn't work. By Letting I could leech for hours, but the leeches wouldn't work. By Heartbreak is another story. That's the one that works. I am impervious to death in this world. I can withstand a lot. I am drop-dead hot by the standards of this world. But I know I'm not. I am invincible to the traps of this world. Nothing can slip by me. I am weak in spirit and in heart as well. Death would let me see. I'm breaking inside and I can't handle it. Someone hold me please. I'm falling apart and I can't seem to stop. Someone show me I'm not diseased. I'm supposed to be strong, I'm over him now. But no, not I. I'm weaker than ever and I have no crutch. I honestly hope to die. But I won't. I have a purpose. I have to get on with life. Heckle, I'm in college as a senior. Life is awesome! But life's not awesome. I hide so much stuff from my family. I want to tell them but I don't trust them as far as I can throw myself. (By the way, I tried yesterday. It's physically impossible.) I'm throwing myself away inside and I can't stop. I want someone to hold me and kiss me when I'm down. Bryan said not for a year. But Bryan doesn't realize... I don't know if I can last that long without a young man's support. I lived for sixteen and a half years without a boy to call my own. Mike, although I was fifteen, was a dipstick so doesn't dount. TJ was an angel but an idiot, so barely counts. I first kissed him, like seriously kissed him, November 13, 2005. It was a Sunday and we were waiting for youth group to start. That's the story of my life to date. My life stinks majorly. I can't handle it. I need someone to hold me. Someone I can kiss. (That pretty much takes out my family and friends, right?) Someone help me. Save me. Save me from myself. Okay, I'm done. Have to go clean my car, now. -4771- -L.O.S.T.- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchwork Posted November 3, 2006 Report Share Posted November 3, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] Tired of Being attacked by freinds I don't even now if I have Tired of feeling broken becase I'm trying to save a friend from the same fate I suffered Tired of feeling tired bc i stayed up all night on my computer Tired of spending hours doing absolutely nothing at work and when I'm bored enough com ehere Tired of feeling sick as a dog because I can still taste what Robert did to me Tired of breaking in two because nobody believes me because they all side with him Tired of havgin no one to turn to becuase I cn't be held by someone I cant kiss Tired of doubting myself and my faith evven as I evangelize to the nations through a separate website account Tired of hurting inside for the wrongs an idiot has done me Tired of falling apart because I'm remmebering more Tired of screaing inside from drems i cant descrbe Tired of being depressed for the third time in a year Tired of denying my heartbreak by drawing pictures of hearts Tired of changing my behavior to suit a couple of people Tired of losing my mind from the stress I've put on myself Tired of lying to myself even as I vow to tell the truth Tired of cussing at my freinds' freinds whe nthey tell me i'm not caliber Tired of fighting with my only real friend left Tired of ignoring Jerry eventhough I want deperately for him to be here for me Tired of lying and pretending to be five people at once Tired of hearing the one song that breaks me over and over Tired of holding onto what I dont even know if I have Tired of fighting the inevitable yet knowing I must if I'll live Tired of being tired of being tired of being tired I'm tired. I want it to end. But it can't, because I'm a Christian, and Christians don't kill themselves. I fantasize so vividly it sccares even me But I won't cut I won't drink Or let a guy play with me I'll stay strong by God Now I have to find the way home. I'm tired of being lost. I'm tired of playing gmaes I just want someone to hold me. That can't happen, so what am i supposed to do for a year? Suffer? Die? I might as well... ttyl (i promise) 4771 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted November 3, 2006 Report Share Posted November 3, 2006 I am sorry to see you in so much pain. You are going to hear what I tell Lee... you must start loving yourself. You do not need a guy to validate who you are. Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated. Give yourself a hug. When you love yourself first, people will be drawn to you. Please try and be nice to yourself, do something you enjoy doing and perhaps ask your mother or father to help you do something you like. They are there for you if you give them the chance. You are a talented, wonderful, kind, considerate person with a terrific mind and a big heart... give yourself a hug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchwork Posted November 13, 2006 Report Share Posted November 13, 2006 I am sorry to see you in so much pain. You are going to hear what I tell Lee... you must start loving yourself. You do not need a guy to validate who you are. Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated. Give yourself a hug. When you love yourself first, people will be drawn to you. Please try and be nice to yourself, do something you enjoy doing and perhaps ask your mother or father to help you do something you like. They are there for you if you give them the chance. You are a talented, wonderful, kind, considerate person with a terrific mind and a big heart... give yourself a hug. Um, I have a few words for you to ponder, and that's all I'll say. Hallucination Brokenness Death Guilt Disbelief Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted November 13, 2006 Report Share Posted November 13, 2006 I am sorry to see you in so much pain. You are going to hear what I tell Lee... you must start loving yourself. You do not need a guy to validate who you are. Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated. Give yourself a hug. When you love yourself first, people will be drawn to you. Please try and be nice to yourself, do something you enjoy doing and perhaps ask your mother or father to help you do something you like. They are there for you if you give them the chance. You are a talented, wonderful, kind, considerate person with a terrific mind and a big heart... give yourself a hug. Um, I have a few words for you to ponder, and that's all I'll say. Hallucination Brokenness Death Guilt Disbelief Hallucination: Nothing to reply at the moment... I need to think Brokenness: You are not a broken person. You do not need to be fixed. What you do need is to stop placing guilt on yourself, start loving yourself and start accepting yourself exactly as you are. You are an incredibly wonderful person and friend and you may have some things that resurface from your past, but so does everyone. This is what makes you the person you are. Death: Death of ??? Guilt: Release this. Throw it away. We all do something that we are feel bad about after the fact. Did you kill someone? No. Did you do something so horrendous that you need to be locked behind bars? No. If you had committed a crime that dictated you be removed from society, then I could see the guilt. You have just shown yourself that you are human. Please let go of this guilt. It is not productive. Disbelief: Disbelief in ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted November 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2006 I am sorry to see you in so much pain. You are going to hear what I tell Lee... you must start loving yourself. You do not need a guy to validate who you are. Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated. Give yourself a hug. When you love yourself first, people will be drawn to you. Please try and be nice to yourself, do something you enjoy doing and perhaps ask your mother or father to help you do something you like. They are there for you if you give them the chance. You are a talented, wonderful, kind, considerate person with a terrific mind and a big heart... give yourself a hug. Um, I have a few words for you to ponder, and that's all I'll say. Hallucination Brokenness Death Guilt Disbelief Hallucination: Nothing to reply at the moment... I need to think Brokenness: You are not a broken person. You do not need to be fixed. What you do need is to stop placing guilt on yourself, start loving yourself and start accepting yourself exactly as you are. You are an incredibly wonderful person and friend and you may have some things that resurface from your past, but so does everyone. This is what makes you the person you are. Death: Death of ??? Guilt: Release this. Throw it away. We all do something that we are feel bad about after the fact. Did you kill someone? No. Did you do something so horrendous that you need to be locked behind bars? No. If you had committed a crime that dictated you be removed from society, then I could see the guilt. You have just shown yourself that you are human. Please let go of this guilt. It is not productive. Disbelief: Disbelief in ??? omg u replied on the one year anniversary of my first kiss! lol hal: ok howbout now? broken: yes i am. my emotions are malfunct. that's kaput. death: of inner life and vitality guilt: no but i did let him convince me to do something i never want to do again disbelief: his influence made me Q my belief in God Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted November 28, 2006 Report Share Posted November 28, 2006 I am sorry to see you in so much pain. You are going to hear what I tell Lee... you must start loving yourself. You do not need a guy to validate who you are. Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated. Give yourself a hug. When you love yourself first, people will be drawn to you. Please try and be nice to yourself, do something you enjoy doing and perhaps ask your mother or father to help you do something you like. They are there for you if you give them the chance. You are a talented, wonderful, kind, considerate person with a terrific mind and a big heart... give yourself a hug. Um, I have a few words for you to ponder, and that's all I'll say. Hallucination Brokenness Death Guilt Disbelief Hallucination: Nothing to reply at the moment... I need to think Brokenness: You are not a broken person. You do not need to be fixed. What you do need is to stop placing guilt on yourself, start loving yourself and start accepting yourself exactly as you are. You are an incredibly wonderful person and friend and you may have some things that resurface from your past, but so does everyone. This is what makes you the person you are. Death: Death of ??? Guilt: Release this. Throw it away. We all do something that we are feel bad about after the fact. Did you kill someone? No. Did you do something so horrendous that you need to be locked behind bars? No. If you had committed a crime that dictated you be removed from society, then I could see the guilt. You have just shown yourself that you are human. Please let go of this guilt. It is not productive. Disbelief: Disbelief in ??? omg u replied on the one year anniversary of my first kiss! lol hal: ok howbout now? broken: yes i am. my emotions are malfunct. that's kaput. death: of inner life and vitality guilt: no but i did let him convince me to do something i never want to do again disbelief: his influence made me Q my belief in God Hallucination: Was causes these? Broken: Your emotions are not malfunctioning. Your heart has received a blow. Injuries take time to heal. Death: When someone hurts your heart, it takes time to feel better. Your life and vitality did not die, they are just hiding for a bit. Guilt: If he violated your trust, and the thing you do not want to do again is something that may happen in the future, with someone else, then never say never. To beat yourself up over an action that is past, will not help you heal. Please let it go. You will have the opportunity to make decisions in the future where you can take charge of your life. This one is past. Please do not dwell on it anymore. Your trust was taken advantage of and that is hard. Disbelief: There is nothing wrong with questioning. This is a form of learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted December 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 I am sorry to see you in so much pain. You are going to hear what I tell Lee... you must start loving yourself. You do not need a guy to validate who you are. Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated. Give yourself a hug. When you love yourself first, people will be drawn to you. Please try and be nice to yourself, do something you enjoy doing and perhaps ask your mother or father to help you do something you like. They are there for you if you give them the chance. You are a talented, wonderful, kind, considerate person with a terrific mind and a big heart... give yourself a hug. Um, I have a few words for you to ponder, and that's all I'll say. Hallucination Brokenness Death Guilt Disbelief Hallucination: Nothing to reply at the moment... I need to think Brokenness: You are not a broken person. You do not need to be fixed. What you do need is to stop placing guilt on yourself, start loving yourself and start accepting yourself exactly as you are. You are an incredibly wonderful person and friend and you may have some things that resurface from your past, but so does everyone. This is what makes you the person you are. Death: Death of ??? Guilt: Release this. Throw it away. We all do something that we are feel bad about after the fact. Did you kill someone? No. Did you do something so horrendous that you need to be locked behind bars? No. If you had committed a crime that dictated you be removed from society, then I could see the guilt. You have just shown yourself that you are human. Please let go of this guilt. It is not productive. Disbelief: Disbelief in ??? omg u replied on the one year anniversary of my first kiss! lol hal: ok howbout now? broken: yes i am. my emotions are malfunct. that's kaput. death: of inner life and vitality guilt: no but i did let him convince me to do something i never want to do again disbelief: his influence made me Q my belief in God Hallucination: Was causes these? Broken: Your emotions are not malfunctioning. Your heart has received a blow. Injuries take time to heal. Death: When someone hurts your heart, it takes time to feel better. Your life and vitality did not die, they are just hiding for a bit. Guilt: If he violated your trust, and the thing you do not want to do again is something that may happen in the future, with someone else, then never say never. To beat yourself up over an action that is past, will not help you heal. Please let it go. You will have the opportunity to make decisions in the future where you can take charge of your life. This one is past. Please do not dwell on it anymore. Your trust was taken advantage of and that is hard. Disbelief: There is nothing wrong with questioning. This is a form of learning. hal: memories plus stress broken: i hear that but it's taken me this long to recover from something that happened when I was two? death: yes i know, just liek the trees in the winter. trust me. some genius called saveafriend the other day. i got to go to a "mandatory emergency suicidal evaluation" and wasted two hours of everybody's time. i'm glad they cared enough, but I had to skip english AND work! I AM NOT SUICIDAL!!! guilt: I'm over him. But in my session today, i took a test, and it explained that my mind runs like my little brother's dvds. It replays crud over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and torments me. It's how I'm wired. disbelief: as in seriously questioning the reality of what I proclaim so fervently to whole-heartedly believe in? it's not good! I do ministry around the owrld with IMVU and to question what I preach is hypocrisy and I'm tired of beign a hypocrite. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend, Horatio. For caring about all of us, for listenign and offering advice, and for jsut being the moderator and keeping us safe from crazy posts like some of mine >.< I really do thank you. --4771 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted December 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 I need to rant now. [DISCLAIMER] I'M SORRY OKAY? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY? I'M SORRY! WHAT AM I SORRY FOR YOU ASK? I'LL TELL YOU! I'M SORRY I'M WEAK AND I'M SORRY I CAN'T BREATHE! I'm sorry I can't always handle life as well as you can! I'm sorry I make mistakes and I'm sorry I stifle myself! I'm sorry I'm a failure! I'm sorry you love me! I'm sorry I don't feel like I'm worth it! I'm sorry I'm breaking in half like a twig! I'm sorry I'm losing weight faster than I can eat to maintain it! I'm sorry I've lost 10lbs in the last month because I'm so scared to live! I'm sorry I'm depressed and broken! I'm sorry I write such horrible things as to make someone think I'm suicidal! I'm sorry I have to vent out through writing because humans are not trustworthy! I'm sorry I can't afford to trust anyone everagain because of the pain I feel! I'M REALLY SORRY! I hate that I can't bring myself to do my work! I hate that I can't force myself to love me! I hate that I can't sing a note anymore because I'm too busy screaming at myself in the safety of my car! I hate the fact that you care enough about me to panic! I hate that I have more friends than I think when I start counting! I hate being single! I hate wanting a boyfriend! I hate wondering if I'm bipolar like Robert or depressed or just another angsty teen! I hate questioning my beliefs! I hate wondering if God is really there even as I provide an ear and a shoulder to everyone around the world in the name of Jesus Christ! I hate thinking "when will it end" when I just want to take a nap! I don't want help but a the same time I do and it isn't fair that I should be required to endure counseling sessions with a man who although he seems quite cool, IS NOT MY SHOULDER! I'm too strong to accept anything except a shoulder! I need an ear, and I'll take whatever kind of ear I can get, but I want a shoulder, too! I don't have a shoulder! I'm so tired of life that I'm not suicidal, but jsut hopeless! I'm TIRED!!! I want a nap. It's so cold lately... 4771 Does that make me crazy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted December 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 [DISCLAIMER] So, Zack, how are you today? I'm fine, thanks, Jo. Um, remember last night on IM when I was getting riled about going both ways? Yeah... And how you said 'ask and I'll answer you'? Yeah... And how I was afraid to ask because I don't want it to backfire because I think you're really cool and I don't want to see you in a different light that's somewhat scary to think about let alone experience? Uh, yeah. Are you? -----------------------NO Hey Zack, what's up? Hi, Jo! Wow it's great to see you again! Great to see you too, Zack. um.... What's up, Jo? Oh, nothing, I'm jsut thinking about last night on IM... What about? sigh.... Well, remember I was getting riled about swinging both ways and how I didn't want to ask you because I didn't want it to backfire like it did with Luke? Yeah, what about it? Are you? ----------------------NO Gee whiz, there is no way to ask this without sounding like a wierdo or a weakling. Sometimes I hate life. But suicide is stupid so you have nothing to worry about. I'm afraid to ask a question that will haunt me if I dont' ask it. But I'm afraid that, if I do ask, he'll say he is, because it backfired with Rob like that. I found out through a friend on the way home from a bithday party. I called him on it he next night, and he said he was. I wanted him to laugh ad joke about hitting Jerry.... But he said "Yeah", not "Yeah right! Jerry said that?! I'll show him!" That really hurt me. I told him to stay away, and then he guilt tripped ME for breaking HIS heart! I still hate myself for it because he said it wasn't very Christian of me. He is such a manipulative jerk. He convinced me to want to go out with him still.... And then he tricked me with more than I could chew... And then broke the promise that I so depended on. It nearly killed me. Then I started writing my thoughts out, writing my emotions out... And someone assumed I was suicidal so they called the suicide hotline. Stupid of them really, considering Stephen King (we hope) isn't the monster he writes about. So now I get counseling (yay) and talk to David on Mondays. I like it, because he can't judge me; he's a counselor. Then I find Zack on a web site. Zack sat next to me in TA last year and we haven't really seen each other since. He had a crush on me then and I can tell he still does. I told him what happened to me out of desperaion for an ear and found out more than I bargained for. Then tonight we somehow get on the topic of orientation. He didn't see a problem with abnorm. I showed him Scripture, and it took a little bit to get him to get the point. Then we got onto the choice/by birth issue. He said "well i'll admit it was a bit of a choice 4 me" and that broke me inside. It broke me because I knew. But there's something of a chance because he didn't outright say it! And he said "ask and i'll tell you" after saying "my answer may surprise you". Now what am I supposed to do? All of my guy friends who have even the slightest potential are removing themselves from the picture. I liked Zack slightly last year because he was one of the few who were genuinely nice. I don't want to be wrong about him, too. Rob, Leigh, and a few internet friends are bad enough.... Why Zack, too? I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't. I don't do well when I find out my friends go against every single thing I believe about orientation. That's why I don't hang out with people of different orientation very often. They scare me because I love them as humans and they are condemning themselves. I hate life. I hate it because I feel worthless when life is great. I hate it because I see crud and can't do anything. I hate it because I don't want to say what I really hate... myself. I am weak. I am useless. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am worthless. I am flawed beyond repair. I am crazy. I am different. I am ditzy. I am brainwashed from what Al and TBITYR did. I am lost in my own pain. I hear the opposite of these everyday but that doesn't mean I believe it. That just means that you people see something I don't. I question my faith but I still profess what I know to be true. I don't eat right. I lost 12 lbs in a month. I've gained back about 5 or 6. Does this make me wrong? Incompetent? Daft? Naiive? Who have I become? Is it worth fighting for? Am I worth it? I don't know anymore. Goodnight. It's 4:11am here. I'm going to bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Tuesday, January 02, 2007 Afraid Not to Smile Current mood: scared Category: they don't have terrified grr Writing and Poetry Her grin was wide and glowed like the sun But her eyes carried no glee They, instead, carried fear and secrets Trying escape captivity Her energy bubbled like a violent volcano And her movements were almost genuine But little Josly was forcing the lie She didn't want them to find So she kept the lie and never frowned Even when it got hard It cost too much to show herself That, Josly couldn't afford To reveal meant to bare herself let them see That she was weaker than that She was afraid to let them know That she couldn't get over the facts Josily hated it with all her heart Yet still could not let it known That it wasn't her heart she hated the most It was the fact that her heart was bone That is, of course, to mean it was hard Harder than she could fathom She pushed those away who she knew could help It hurt her more than one can imagine Josly fought to retain control Never stopping to rest Soon the exhaustion took its toll And she grew short of breath Josly smiled out of reflex But this time it wasn't the same For the smiles she'd kept as her saving grace Had become her greatest shame Josly tried to keep the smile The vitality and energy But soon it faded into dust She felt it disappear Her heart kept locked for so long a time Finally broke out of the cage But in doing so, Josly died inside For the secrets had forced her to age Afraid not to smile, she stood up straight Not letting her pain show again But it was too late, for they had seen She knew it was over then But she noticed as they asked her condition That nobody rejected her Could it be that they're not the ones Who grew so cold and bare? Josly realized with a start That it was her all along She finally smiled a real, true smile And began to sing her song Josly forced the notes at first But it became easier after a while And her song was all about being afraid Afraid, of course, not to smile Atwi Stedmind --------- Good news is I don't feel like that anymore! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Tuesday, January 02, 2007 Afraid Not to Smile --------- Good news is I don't feel like that anymore! Your good news is great news. And this poem is one of the best ones you have ever written. It is lyrical with a great musical flow. *hands Topazia The Platinum Moon Award* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchwork Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Tuesday, January 02, 2007 Afraid Not to Smile --------- Good news is I don't feel like that anymore! Your good news is great news. And this poem is one of the best ones you have ever written. It is lyrical with a great musical flow. *hands Topazia The Platinum Moon Award* ^^ yay! *builds a shelf and puts it there* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] ouch my fingers hurt maybe that batting cage should require gloves or something because my fingers really hurt from the squishing after many years of no baseball. wow! I feel great! maybe I won't have to wait very long, after all. see, I use some other site to meet peole around the world, and I've been using it to meet guys my age in Florida. Well, by a fluke, I met a guy who lived an hour or so north of me but is going to be moving soon to go to school here! And see, he's only a few days older than I am. SOOO, we got to no each other, and see, he likes me and I like him and we finally met today (yes I know...my life, my mistakes. tough) and had a lot of fun laughing and wishing there was something to do in this city I live in (which STINKS in the way of activities for teens, but there is a batting cage and the mall ^^) so yeah and after talking to him for these past few weeks, I don't feel so depressed, and haven't actually been depressed since New Year's, and so I don't think I have to wait until fall to start anew anymore, in fact, when I first started liking him, I found myself thinking more...May or something, and now, I dont' really think I have to wait even that long! like... maybe a month at most? yay! I'm so happy! haha I laughed so hard today, and it was great because I was even allowed to drive him to my house and all over town bc Mom finally lifted the passenger ban! ^^ so giddy right now! ...he's a good hugger, too. YAY! I'm so glad I can brag about my friend somewhere! haha! I loved today so much! yippee! [/DISCLAIMER] ok so it's your choice to accept that as reality or imagination from trying to cheer myself up from this lonely depression I may or may not be in. good night, everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] ouch my fingers hurt maybe that batting cage should require gloves or something because my fingers really hurt from the squishing after many years of no baseball. wow! I feel great! maybe I won't have to wait very long, after all. see, I use some other site to meet peole around the world, and I've been using it to meet guys my age in Florida. Well, by a fluke, I met a guy who lived an hour or so north of me but is going to be moving soon to go to school here! And see, he's only a few days older than I am. SOOO, we got to no each other, and see, he likes me and I like him and we finally met today (yes I know...my life, my mistakes. tough) and had a lot of fun laughing and wishing there was something to do in this city I live in (which STINKS in the way of activities for teens, but there is a batting cage and the mall ^^) so yeah and after talking to him for these past few weeks, I don't feel so depressed, and haven't actually been depressed since New Year's, and so I don't think I have to wait until fall to start anew anymore, in fact, when I first started liking him, I found myself thinking more...May or something, and now, I dont' really think I have to wait even that long! like... maybe a month at most? yay! I'm so happy! haha I laughed so hard today, and it was great because I was even allowed to drive him to my house and all over town bc Mom finally lifted the passenger ban! ^^ so giddy right now! ...he's a good hugger, too. YAY! I'm so glad I can brag about my friend somewhere! haha! I loved today so much! yippee! [/DISCLAIMER] ok so it's your choice to accept that as reality or imagination from trying to cheer myself up from this lonely depression I may or may not be in. good night, everyone. Did that really happen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] ouch my fingers hurt maybe that batting cage should require gloves or something because my fingers really hurt from the squishing after many years of no baseball. wow! I feel great! maybe I won't have to wait very long, after all. see, I use some other site to meet peole around the world, and I've been using it to meet guys my age in Florida. Well, by a fluke, I met a guy who lived an hour or so north of me but is going to be moving soon to go to school here! And see, he's only a few days older than I am. SOOO, we got to no each other, and see, he likes me and I like him and we finally met today (yes I know...my life, my mistakes. tough) and had a lot of fun laughing and wishing there was something to do in this city I live in (which STINKS in the way of activities for teens, but there is a batting cage and the mall ^^) so yeah and after talking to him for these past few weeks, I don't feel so depressed, and haven't actually been depressed since New Year's, and so I don't think I have to wait until fall to start anew anymore, in fact, when I first started liking him, I found myself thinking more...May or something, and now, I dont' really think I have to wait even that long! like... maybe a month at most? yay! I'm so happy! haha I laughed so hard today, and it was great because I was even allowed to drive him to my house and all over town bc Mom finally lifted the passenger ban! ^^ so giddy right now! ...he's a good hugger, too. YAY! I'm so glad I can brag about my friend somewhere! haha! I loved today so much! yippee! [/DISCLAIMER] ok so it's your choice to accept that as reality or imagination from trying to cheer myself up from this lonely depression I may or may not be in. good night, everyone. Did that really happen? that's for me to know and you to wonder. that's what the disclaimer says. I said that on page one. But I will say this: I'm NOT depressed, and don't expect to be for a while, if ever again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] w00t! Oh, life, you do have a way of playing around with my head. My friends have issues, and so do I, yet I'm seeing how many people truly are decent at heart, and it warms me. YAY!!! AOEIMAOEURAPOSMPOAWEUTNPOAumlxiaumRAEPIAOPEIXFaskjdhfxaOAUFPOIAUkldshfoiahucDFAD fjaSJflia ok I'm over it lol I'm LOOPY!!! and GIDDY!!! yay [/DISCLAIMER] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted January 15, 2007 Report Share Posted January 15, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. You coult try to let us know what is going pn without making it a mystery as to wether or not any of this is happening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. You coult try to let us know what is going pn without making it a mystery as to wether or not any of this is happening. the question, my dear cheese, is why are you analyzing my writing? I know it's a drastic change from before, but perhaps I am depressed and am cheering myself up. Perhaps I'm not lying and I really am in love with a young man named Athanasios. This topic is purely speculation on your part. The only person who knows the value of truth in these posts is me. Besides, if you knew whether this was true or not, it would kill my fun! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted January 16, 2007 Report Share Posted January 16, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. You coult try to let us know what is going pn without making it a mystery as to wether or not any of this is happening. the question, my dear cheese, is why are you analyzing my writing? I know it's a drastic change from before, but perhaps I am depressed and am cheering myself up. Perhaps I'm not lying and I really am in love with a young man named Athanasios. This topic is purely speculation on your part. The only person who knows the value of truth in these posts is me. Besides, if you knew whether this was true or not, it would kill my fun! lol *watches a tortured cheese* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. You coult try to let us know what is going pn without making it a mystery as to wether or not any of this is happening. the question, my dear cheese, is why are you analyzing my writing? I know it's a drastic change from before, but perhaps I am depressed and am cheering myself up. Perhaps I'm not lying and I really am in love with a young man named Athanasios. This topic is purely speculation on your part. The only person who knows the value of truth in these posts is me. Besides, if you knew whether this was true or not, it would kill my fun! lol *watches a tortured cheese* *watches with Horatio, then adds another Rambling* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] I love you! your smile your gaze your kiss your embrace your hair your eyes your face my surprise I miss you! your laugh your voice your call your choice your kindness your hugs my heart it all tugs I want you! your humor your wit your joy all of it your grin your jokes this is no hoax you are mine I am yours I wish you were here my dreams disappeared but I want them back Tom! Athanasios! my Greek hero! <3 [/DISCLAIMER] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. You coult try to let us know what is going pn without making it a mystery as to wether or not any of this is happening. the question, my dear cheese, is why are you analyzing my writing? I know it's a drastic change from before, but perhaps I am depressed and am cheering myself up. Perhaps I'm not lying and I really am in love with a young man named Athanasios. This topic is purely speculation on your part. The only person who knows the value of truth in these posts is me. Besides, if you knew whether this was true or not, it would kill my fun! lol I'm analyzing your writing because I care about what is going on in my friends lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. You coult try to let us know what is going pn without making it a mystery as to wether or not any of this is happening. the question, my dear cheese, is why are you analyzing my writing? I know it's a drastic change from before, but perhaps I am depressed and am cheering myself up. Perhaps I'm not lying and I really am in love with a young man named Athanasios. This topic is purely speculation on your part. The only person who knows the value of truth in these posts is me. Besides, if you knew whether this was true or not, it would kill my fun! lol I'm analyzing your writing because I care about what is going on in my friends lives. Thank you for caring. Perhaps if you read mine and Patchwork's signatures you would have a bit more insight as to the level of truth I have posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted January 21, 2007 Report Share Posted January 21, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] so, like, ths makes me really happy. I'm in love... He wasn't love..That's not what I felt. That was infatuation. But you! You are warm and smart and funny and you bring parts of my mind out that nobody's ever been able to! You care about me, are in love with me! You make me feel safe. I've never felt this safe before. The war going on inside my brain disappears when even we just chat online, let alone when you're here! Oh, you truly are...amazing. Words cannot describe what I feel. Oh, I love you so dearly, so much! I love you. I do. I'm in love with you! I have no doubt! Why am I learning Greek but because of you, Athanasios! You are my true love, and I know this because nobody else but my true love could have brought me out of my funk so quickly so soon. Oh, God truly blessed me when he brought me to you. I love you! I can't describe this feeling in any language on earth! Not Greek, Swahili, Spanish, no...not Macedonian, nor Latin; neither Irish Gaelic nor Scottish Gaelic! Nothing can describe it except to feel it. Holding me, holding you... I never felt that safe in a boy's arms before. I never took refuge in anything like that before. Oh, you really are amazing. There are only three words that can contain it, and even then, it's only partially touched before even these three powerful words are filled! I love you. I love you, I do! I never meant it so much in my life and I mean it when I say, Athanasios, that I truly love you with all my heart. The only one you are second to is God. I love you. [/DISCLAMER] the disclaimer still has reign. it's your choice to believe in it or not. You coult try to let us know what is going pn without making it a mystery as to wether or not any of this is happening. the question, my dear cheese, is why are you analyzing my writing? I know it's a drastic change from before, but perhaps I am depressed and am cheering myself up. Perhaps I'm not lying and I really am in love with a young man named Athanasios. This topic is purely speculation on your part. The only person who knows the value of truth in these posts is me. Besides, if you knew whether this was true or not, it would kill my fun! lol I'm analyzing your writing because I care about what is going on in my friends lives. Thank you for caring. Perhaps if you read mine and Patchwork's signatures you would have a bit more insight as to the level of truth I have posted. I'll do that next time, when I have time. Cause I have to get off da compy now. >.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted January 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] You're upset. You're scared and won't admit it. You feel weak, like you can't go on. Your father said something to you, and I want to know. You've become painfully aware of your parents' mortality within only a few weeks. My darling, I want to be near you, to hold you, to care for you. I don't want you to feel sad or scared or broken inside. I wish I could do more. I love you just doesn't seem to be enough, yet it's all I can say when you're 60 miles away. [/DISCLAIMER] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted February 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] Ya know, I think I could spend my life with him... I love him, I'm in love with him, and I'm still reeling in the fact that he's mine! He's amazing; he's smart and funny and wonderful! We believe in the same basic things, and we're both careful because of past broken hearts. I miss him... He's coming tomorrow!! He's nothing short of amazing...and nothing can keep me from him or him from me. It's been a month and a half since we even met, but... This is so perfect. [/DISCLAIMER] good mood right now...been smiling since 230 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 2, 2007 Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 [DISCLAIMER]Ya know, I think I could spend my life with him... I love him, I'm in love with him, and I'm still reeling in the fact that he's mine! He's amazing; he's smart and funny and wonderful! We believe in the same basic things, and we're both careful because of past broken hearts. I miss him... He's coming tomorrow!! He's nothing short of amazing...and nothing can keep me from him or him from me. It's been a month and a half since we even met, but... This is so perfect. [/DISCLAIMER] good mood right now...been smiling since 230 He might be there tomorrow, but he is on HampsterDance now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted February 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 [DISCLAIMER]Ya know, I think I could spend my life with him... I love him, I'm in love with him, and I'm still reeling in the fact that he's mine! He's amazing; he's smart and funny and wonderful! We believe in the same basic things, and we're both careful because of past broken hearts. I miss him... He's coming tomorrow!! He's nothing short of amazing...and nothing can keep me from him or him from me. It's been a month and a half since we even met, but... This is so perfect. [/DISCLAIMER] good mood right now...been smiling since 230 He might be there tomorrow, but he is on HampsterDance now. hehe good eye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsanitysCaptive Posted February 2, 2007 Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 Yes, he is ^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 2, 2007 Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 [DISCLAIMER]Ya know, I think I could spend my life with him... I love him, I'm in love with him, and I'm still reeling in the fact that he's mine! He's amazing; he's smart and funny and wonderful! We believe in the same basic things, and we're both careful because of past broken hearts. I miss him... He's coming tomorrow!! He's nothing short of amazing...and nothing can keep me from him or him from me. It's been a month and a half since we even met, but... This is so perfect. [/DISCLAIMER] good mood right now...been smiling since 230 He might be there tomorrow, but he is on HampsterDance now. hehe good eye Glad you like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted February 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 3, 2007 Report Share Posted February 3, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted February 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted February 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted February 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 * this topic is so off... [DISCLAIMER] what on earth?! alas, last night was amazing...surprising...enjoyable. agh and now this insane curious streak I've been blessed(and somtimes cursed) with is going hAyWiRe!! I miss him. If home is where the heart is, I'm only home on Saturdays...I want to go home. okay, farscape is a stupid show. you can't know what trust means to me, he says. you could never know what it means to me, though, ayape mou. What is trust? Trust is a feeling of contentment, a feeling of security. When one trusts another, they feel calm near that person. Trust is the firm believe that someone will not cross a line. Trust is fragile, easy to lose, and difficult to regain...like a glass ballerina. Trust is the most important thing in my mind, and one of the most important in my heart. I shut down from the inside out if trust isn't there. That's the third worst feeling I can imagine, second only to broken trust and separation from God. and that's the truth. or is it? only two know the extent of truth in this one. [/DISCLAIMER] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Exactly the reason for 'friendly' arguments/debates. You are friends before and after, but not during. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Exactly the reason for 'friendly' arguments/debates. You are friends before and after, but not during. LOL Yeah, I guess. But I think we remain friends while arguing, cause that is mostly what we do. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Exactly the reason for 'friendly' arguments/debates. You are friends before and after, but not during. LOL Yeah, I guess. But I think we remain friends while arguing, cause that is mostly what we do. xD What did you say your career choice was going to be... attorney? LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Exactly the reason for 'friendly' arguments/debates. You are friends before and after, but not during. LOL Yeah, I guess. But I think we remain friends while arguing, cause that is mostly what we do. xD What did you say your career choice was going to be... attorney? LOL Nah, compy progger. xD Besides, she is the only one I actually argue with. >.< It isn't a constant thing with other people. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Exactly the reason for 'friendly' arguments/debates. You are friends before and after, but not during. LOL Yeah, I guess. But I think we remain friends while arguing, cause that is mostly what we do. xD What did you say your career choice was going to be... attorney? LOL Nah, compy progger. xD Besides, she is the only one I actually argue with. >. Ohhhhhhh...... I thought I was on to something. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Exactly the reason for 'friendly' arguments/debates. You are friends before and after, but not during. LOL Yeah, I guess. But I think we remain friends while arguing, cause that is mostly what we do. xD What did you say your career choice was going to be... attorney? LOL Nah, compy progger. xD Besides, she is the only one I actually argue with. >.< It isn't a constant thing with other people. xD Ohhhhhhh...... I thought I was on to something. LOL nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 ...no disclaimer this one... The water washes away, and the fire burns clean. Both are good, and yet can be disastrous each in its own way. Such is the way of passion. The joy of living is not in the present or future, but in the making of a strong past. For those who have dark paths behind them, the future holds this potential, and the present makes way for it. Who but a child can be fascinated by fire and water? It is the youngest at heart who will show the most will to succeed, and only the child can interpret both danger and wonder from the same object of fascination. I actually said that. I'm listening to really pretty music right now. It's kinda Native American, like flutes behind rain, a creek, the ocean, a bonfire (very soothing), light crickets and light seagulls. It's so beautiful and soothing...It's like my mind, the maze, was provided the map, and I can think very clearly now. It's really something. I mean, if I wanted to I could think clearly around Ich but I prefer paying attention to him than to perusing through my pondering psyche when he's around. But this music...so powerful yet so simple. It's very strong. I'm in a very good mood. Sounds like you are in a great place. Please tell us the name of the CD, it sounds like one I would like to hear. it's a website.... So you can tell me. LOL not cool, horatio. Not cool. xD Are you talking to me? *very innocent face appears* No, that is why I said horatio. I obviously meant sheena. That's who I thought you meant. LOL you two are hilarious to watch. xD thanks. I get that a lot with my friend Melissa in school. Y'see, we are almost always arguing over something. And it seems that our main goal is to make each other mad. xD But, in a friendly way? I'm not sure exactly how it works, but there aren't any ill feelings towards each other, or anything, and we are good friends. But we just constantly argue. xD Friendly aruments/debates are great. They stimulate the mind. Not exactly friendly. "Hey, lissa, I decided that you are a lesbian." "WHY?" "Well, you like them emo kids and they are feminine enought to count as girls, so..." And now she is trying to find out a way to prove that I am gay. xD (not that I am, y'all know that. But, you know what I mean.) Y'see, she loves emo kids, and I am always making fun of them (and her.) xD There aren't many lunches I have where she doesn't end up screaming at me. xD Those are what I call friendly arugments. Where you both can debate and not hate each other... or do you? We don't hate each other. We might say something along the lines of "I hate you!" but that is while laughing and smiling and such. xD Exactly the reason for 'friendly' arguments/debates. You are friends before and after, but not during. LOL Yeah, I guess. But I think we remain friends while arguing, cause that is mostly what we do. xD What did you say your career choice was going to be... attorney? LOL Nah, compy progger. xD Besides, she is the only one I actually argue with. >. Ohhhhhhh...... I thought I was on to something. LOL nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* whoops, need to change that. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* whoops, need to change that. xD *watches* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* whoops, need to change that. xD *watches* *changed* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* whoops, need to change that. xD *watches* *changed* OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My absolute favorite of all times cheese!!! Are you the Mimolette, baby or aged? *falls over in shock at the sight of the most wonderful cheese every* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* whoops, need to change that. xD *watches* *changed* OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My absolute favorite of all times cheese!!! Are you the Mimolette, baby or aged? *falls over in shock at the sight of the most wonderful cheese every* aged. With a nice tangerine colored inside. *wants some* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* whoops, need to change that. xD *watches* *changed* OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My absolute favorite of all times cheese!!! Are you the Mimolette, baby or aged? *falls over in shock at the sight of the most wonderful cheese every* aged. With a nice tangerine colored inside. *wants some* *grabs all the mimolette and runs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 nope. Sorry. xD The only thing you are on to right now is an exercise program. xD *sprays a mouth full of plain yogurt all over Adam Zapple!!!* ROFOCLH!!!!!!!!!! Plain yogurt? Bluh. Sorry about A.Z, there. xD Right! I think you enjoy catching me off guard! Of course I do. xD :ninja: :ninja: :ninja: *calls in reinforcements* *poses as a reinforcement* *immediately smells the cheese and calls in my hammie buddies for dinner, sniffing out the stinky cheese* Nah, I am currently in a non-smelly cheese form. Good luck with this one! You think zamorano is not stinky??????? *rolls over with all my paws in the air laughing* whoops, need to change that. xD *watches* *changed* OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My absolute favorite of all times cheese!!! Are you the Mimolette, baby or aged? *falls over in shock at the sight of the most wonderful cheese every* aged. With a nice tangerine colored inside. *wants some* *grabs all the mimolette and runs* Cause I am sure that that is good for you. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchwork Posted February 8, 2007 Report Share Posted February 8, 2007 [DISCLAIMER] what did you expect from that date in time (11/6/6)??? I WAS DEPRESSED I WAS UPSET I WAS TRYING TO FIND THE FAITH I'D REJECTED FOR AN IMBECILE DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE ANGRY WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE DATE OF THAT MESSAGE! YOU'RE NOT STUPID, YOU'RE BLINDED, SO DON'T CLAIM YOU'RE STUPID OR WORTHLESS OR ANYTHING THAT YOU KNOW I'D CLAIM YOU AREN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SO JUST STOP IT! grr! so there. now I feel better. [/DISCLAIMER] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted March 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2007 hmm haven't posted in a while <disclaimer> you think you can control me you think you can smother my spirit you want me to be strong yet you snuff out my will I'm bullheaded and proud of it and you want that gone I might be wrong yea but this is my battlesong I'M TIRED OF LIVING UNDER A TYRANT I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING TO GET A SMALL CONTROL I'M TIRED OF HEARING YOU YELL OUT THE WINDOW I'M TIRED OF BEING UNDER YOUR RULE you think you can tell me off you think you can boss me around you think you can accuse me of this disrepectful, mine and his I respect him more than you do me I don't take crud from boys anymore [Heck] I don't date boys only men you don't know my inner war I'M TIRED OF DEALING WITH YOUR BULLCRUD I'M TIRED OF HEARING YOU CALL DISRESPECT I'M TIRED OF HEARING YOU TRASH HIS NAME I'M TIRED OF FEELING LIKE AN INSECT (SO BACK OFF) hmph now I feel better. </disclaimer> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted March 25, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 yay nothing like chatting religion with a man whose thoughts are hidden until you press hard enough I love Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchwork Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I can't believe she had the nerve to say that! Now I fear for my brother's and my safety! grr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted March 31, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2007 [disclaimer] Saving "It's nice having something most girls don't" "I like it" "Stop saying sorry" "There's no use getting upset" "I'm not angry" "Define that" "I choose my reactions" "Stop talking and hug me, dangit" "Being a...means...yet" "Have I?...No....Okay" "I knew...and I said...so stop" "Look at it this way" [/disclaimer] I always have fun when I'm near Tom. Again, it's up to you to decipher the meaning or lack thereof in this rambling XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 [disclaimer]Saving "It's nice having something most girls don't" "I like it" "Stop saying sorry" "There's no use getting upset" "I'm not angry" "Define that" "I choose my reactions" "Stop talking and hug me, dangit" "Being a...means...yet" "Have I?...No....Okay" "I knew...and I said...so stop" "Look at it this way" [/disclaimer] I always have fun when I'm near Tom. Again, it's up to you to decipher the meaning or lack thereof in this rambling XD *head explodes* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted April 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 [disclaimer]Saving "It's nice having something most girls don't" "I like it" "Stop saying sorry" "There's no use getting upset" "I'm not angry" "Define that" "I choose my reactions" "Stop talking and hug me, dangit" "Being a...means...yet" "Have I?...No....Okay" "I knew...and I said...so stop" "Look at it this way" [/disclaimer] I always have fun when I'm near Tom. Again, it's up to you to decipher the meaning or lack thereof in this rambling XD *head explodes* hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topazia Posted April 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 [disclaimer] you want me to speak to you let me speak MY way you want me to communicate let me do it MY way the phone is not my friend in person is slightly better the written page is all mine if only you could see my truths when I did is it my fault that I think too much? is it my fault I forget things until they're lost? is it my fault my brain thinks too quickly for me to keep up? is it my fault I'm me? I want to tell you I want you to know I want this to work but how can I if my thoughts are funnelled into a path that doesn't work?! stop trying to find out and have the patience to wait, or let me write it for you. [/disclaimer] hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchwork Posted April 5, 2007 Report Share Posted April 5, 2007 [disclaimer] coward she lost her drive for debate she lost her love for argument she's afraid to screw up again stupid girl so young, took on a challenge and was ridiculed too ambitious maybe? or is it too immature? knowledge no match or those who've had classes introspect no help throw herself on the masses encourages others to take heart, fight on yet lacking the gusto to take her own word to action silly girl so young to think she could actually do anything getting herself in a hole painted in a corner foolish girl and now she is a coward not trusting her own words not to end it just expressing her opinion with the reputation she's developed when it comes to controversial topics she knows it could hurt her so she backs up refusing herself the enjoyment of a debate knowing answers, but not saying anything for fear of what? insecure brat afraid of rejection from the same ones who bring smiles why so fearful? she's been backstabbed before doesn't want that anymore those she trusts most are the same the same ones who she fears stupid child juvenile in strength foolhardy confidence gone from her veins at what cost? [/disclaimer] hehe up to you again sorry cheesieman o.o hasn't Asagio been your cheese for a while? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Posted April 5, 2007 Report Share Posted April 5, 2007 o.o hasn't Asagio been your cheese for a while? Too long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesus Posted April 7, 2007 Report Share Posted April 7, 2007 [disclaimer]coward she lost her drive for debate she lost her love for argument she's afraid to screw up again stupid girl so young, took on a challenge and was ridiculed too ambitious maybe? or is it too immature? knowledge no match or those who've had classes introspect no help throw herself on the masses encourages others to take heart, fight on yet lacking the gusto to take her own word to action silly girl so young to think she could actually do anything getting herself in a hole painted in a corner foolish girl and now she is a coward not trusting her own words not to end it just expressing her opinion with the reputation she's developed when it comes to controversial topics she knows it could hurt her so she backs up refusing herself the enjoyment of a debate knowing answers, but not saying anything for fear of what? insecure brat afraid of rejection from the same ones who bring smiles why so fearful? she's been backstabbed before doesn't want that anymore those she trusts most are the same the same ones who she fears stupid child juvenile in strength foolhardy confidence gone from her veins at what cost? [/disclaimer] hehe up to you again sorry cheesieman o.o hasn't Asagio been your cheese for a while? I get the meaning of the poem. And I think that this is how you actually feel. Which really stinks, because I like debating as much as you do. xD We shouldn't discourage it. Except for religious debates, cause those never go anywhere. and I ge the hint, 'Raishey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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