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thinking too much alone in a cold room


xMyOwnMindx

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so i kinda just need to type some stuff out. ask some stuff to noone. smile and write this and pretend like anyone cares.

if you wanna read it, great

wanna respond, awesome.

dont care, beautiful,

i love you too.

 

have you ever felt like you werent alive

the time is moving but your staring at nothing

and you feel yourself drooping down

and you look at things and smile and feel like theyre pretty

but cant get yourself to snap out of it and pick it up or go to it

like the world has forgotten you and there you sit

not part of reality

or any of them

for that matter.

when you feel the itch but cant care enough to raise your limb to strach it

the light is in your face as you sleep but you feel to old to turn over

and the phone is ringing but you wont move your eyes to read the caller ID

like your half alive and cant seem to breathe right, yet you feel physical pain everywhere

when your crying just looking at yourself in the mirror

or thinking about tomorrow

when theres so much to do

but noone around to help

and so much lack of emotion's left you bringing everyone else down

and that knowledge makes it worse

and the neverending fights and arguments

and poems and diarys

and notes to you

just make you think

and think and think.

when your friend lives your past

your november

but gets the missing piece

the therepy

so pesimistic though

never trust a word theyve said to me

lies on lies on lies

for a salery

then she tries to hit me with the truth

that lies are fake

and this isnt real anymore

but im right

prideless or not

i know i am deep down.

its all about pride now i guess

i can lower mine,

it rips me apart to know

they cant and everything i wanted more than life

can come crumbling down in my face

begging for me to cut when i know i cant

i dont want to be followed and harassed

and deep down i want to spear my mother that tear

the selfish or the willing

i'll save her that heartbreak

even though it isnt quite fair to me

everything i know has changed and i cant deal with it

crying gets you nowhere

but here i am again

and its stupid

i can tell you that

pointless

worthless

and stupid

just like the aim thing

and your caption for a response

for attention

you're sick

but i love you

and i wish youd come back

lower what you know and tell what happened

to the girl i called best friend

the girl that read my mind, my heart

the girl i shared more than friendship for in all those confusing days together

we found out

now we broke and yet were still confused

this is normal

you both say

well maybe i'm not then

cuz this is heartbreak to me

murder

####

torture

amd what have i asked for

far too much but not from you

not from this

all ive asked for was smiles

happiness

but nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to i guess

they say it's be boring

i cant help but agree

but wouldnt yopu pray that

for just a moment

to erase the scars and start again

you saw horror

i saw beauty

this isnt fair

im stuck inside a mind icant control

in a family that makes me insane

but i know in my heart its not so bad

which makes me question myself once again

which what i guess ill be doing until the backend of foever

yes, thats a coheed line

and a very good song.

i'm cold and broken now

chilche and angry

frezzing and numb

i cant describe how i feel

i feel everything

but nothing is good

i feel like im going blind

and i feel like screaming and crying

oh, how i hate to feel

i wish i was as numb inside as i was outside

somtimes i am

somtimes im happy to

somtimes doesnt happen as much as it should

as much as it would for them

with emotions passing

nothing to fill the gap

just thoughts

and pain

on the outside too.

everlasting evergoing thoughts

of how wrong this is and how theres so much to do

of how tomorrow will start, when it will end

of school and facing the demons

and the things id rather not remember come creeping to my mind again

how much does he know

does he think

will he take final revenge before he leaves forever

will he take my life?

for her, he would

on her command, i lay breathless

still

its doubtful

murder isnt one of his hobbies

at least no one told me

he fits the type

still makes me nervous though

a reason to fret

wish i wouldnt

wish i didnt

friction

i miss it

should i go back

let him need me

i never want to be codepent like that

and i dare lose my soul, my body to a pro

disgusting

your tugues been too many places for me

i think i'd tell him/

if he ever tried me again

so cold

but i cant turn off the fan

to feel somthing

is awesome

i love the way my fingers feel when they brush the keys

i think my mind is shutting down

cuz who prays at feelings of temperatures and keyboards

thats never been me

am i changing like she is?

cant be

this isnt somthing that is a change

this is a state of mind

no, im not, before you ask

im quiet sober

i have flashes of feelings

and movement

and my eyes twitch though

i cant explain it

i can only say that

and that its like being in a movie

being alone in a mental hospital

or so im told

i wana live it first hand

i need that for my life to complete itself

no one seems to understand that some things must be done

and said and experienced

as souls sisters once said around 4 in the morning

'lets live to feel new things and for the experiences'

not for love, power, sucess

expierience

and wutever comes with it

free spirits, id say so.

i have a list

mentally

i think she does too.

run away, move out, burn my posessions

we should have been born in the 70s or 60s or somthing

i think so

i wanna be go to sleep

but im nto tired

and i will most likely cry becuase of lack of sucess

and need to buckle down

these things dont go good with me

im not kind to stress

stress is not kind to me

we really should stay away

like cats and dogs,

or some rather

i have amazing cats

even the scarrdy cat is semisortaalittle okay with the dogs

wouldnt it be kinda kool to cover youself in fishnets..

like even your face/.. and just wear things over it all

for just a day?

i'd do it.

i wish i could

i wish i could think

snap out

get away

breathe

but im stuck

in my head

brain cells

clashing

and tell me wut to do

once i figured out feelings

it was really kool

my friends told me it was one of the smartest things ive ever said

it really made perfect sense

it was kool

but its gone.

far.

this song is awesome... the no seatbelt song... brand new

 

take me and break me strong liek you...

 

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

its only beautiful i dont want anyone if i cant choose, its only you.

 

i wish someone would feel that way about me

everyone poped it

the real way

not me

ive been there

scary

if i do say so myself

im too naive

my hearts too big

but i need somebody

someone crazy

someone beautiful

 

3am... i wish i could remember when i started this..

im cold and tired

so im gonna try to sleep

and end crying and laying awak for a while.

 

no need to say anything

it really doesnt matter

honestly.

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:mellow:

wow.

 

just...

wow.

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  • 4 weeks later...

:mellow:

wow.

 

just...

wow.

 

wow in a good way?! ... or what?

good way, i promise!

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glad you appreciated the compliment

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glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

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  • 5 weeks later...

glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

so um all my topics die young.. its so sad :[

wow. a whole month.

 

*forces a smile*

I'm in so much trouble... I have to tell my mom that I drove my boyfriend to the BK last night, and I'm not allowed to have ANYONE in my car for @LEAST six months. :(

*frets*

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glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

so um all my topics die young.. its so sad :[

wow. a whole month.

 

*forces a smile*

I'm in so much trouble... I have to tell my mom that I drove my boyfriend to the BK last night, and I'm not allowed to have ANYONE in my car for @LEAST six months. :(

*frets*

:unsure: Oh my. :unsure:

Even though it will be tough, it will be much better if your mother hears it from you.

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glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

so um all my topics die young.. its so sad :[

wow. a whole month.

 

*forces a smile*

I'm in so much trouble... I have to tell my mom that I drove my boyfriend to the BK last night, and I'm not allowed to have ANYONE in my car for @LEAST six months. :(

*frets*

 

she'd get mad about that?

is BK far?cuz if i told my mom that she'd be like "you could get in trouble" and that would be all.

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glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

so um all my topics die young.. its so sad :[

wow. a whole month.

 

*forces a smile*

I'm in so much trouble... I have to tell my mom that I drove my boyfriend to the BK last night, and I'm not allowed to have ANYONE in my car for @LEAST six months. :(

*frets*

 

she'd get mad about that?

is BK far?cuz if i told my mom that she'd be like "you could get in trouble" and that would be all.

that's not the point. It's a mile from where we were, if that, but the fact is, I disobeyed her three days after I got the stupid license.

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glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

so um all my topics die young.. its so sad :[

wow. a whole month.

 

*forces a smile*

I'm in so much trouble... I have to tell my mom that I drove my boyfriend to the BK last night, and I'm not allowed to have ANYONE in my car for @LEAST six months. :(

*frets*

 

she'd get mad about that?

is BK far?cuz if i told my mom that she'd be like "you could get in trouble" and that would be all.

that's not the point. It's a mile from where we were, if that, but the fact is, I disobeyed her three days after I got the stupid license.

oh. well dont tell her face then. ha.

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glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

so um all my topics die young.. its so sad :[

wow. a whole month.

 

*forces a smile*

I'm in so much trouble... I have to tell my mom that I drove my boyfriend to the BK last night, and I'm not allowed to have ANYONE in my car for @LEAST six months. :(

*frets*

 

she'd get mad about that?

is BK far?cuz if i told my mom that she'd be like "you could get in trouble" and that would be all.

that's not the point. It's a mile from where we were, if that, but the fact is, I disobeyed her three days after I got the stupid license.

oh. well dont tell her face then. ha.

already did. I'm grounded for two weeks since sunday.

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glad you appreciated the compliment

mmm always,.

:)

so um all my topics die young.. its so sad :[

wow. a whole month.

 

*forces a smile*

I'm in so much trouble... I have to tell my mom that I drove my boyfriend to the BK last night, and I'm not allowed to have ANYONE in my car for @LEAST six months. :(

*frets*

 

she'd get mad about that?

is BK far?cuz if i told my mom that she'd be like "you could get in trouble" and that would be all.

that's not the point. It's a mile from where we were, if that, but the fact is, I disobeyed her three days after I got the stupid license.

oh. well dont tell her face then. ha.

already did. I'm grounded for two weeks since sunday.

 

gey.

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

"frequented"?

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

 

somehow i doubt thats the case.

but a smilie face or like "good poem" is always nice to know people were there or wutever...

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

Thank you. You and Lauren both think the same way. A mellow face or smilie face would be enough to show you appreciated the poem.

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

Thank you. You and Lauren both think the same way. A mellow face or smilie face would be enough to show you appreciated the poem.

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

Thank you. You and Lauren both think the same way. A mellow face or smilie face would be enough to show you appreciated the poem.

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

Please! :D

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

Thank you. You and Lauren both think the same way. A mellow face or smilie face would be enough to show you appreciated the poem.

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

Please! :D

wuwut? i was refering to the award.

i get them like wateeeeer

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

Thank you. You and Lauren both think the same way. A mellow face or smilie face would be enough to show you appreciated the poem.

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

Please! :D

wuwut? i was refering to the award.

i get them like wateeeeer

Well, you could always give them to me. :lol:

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

Thank you. You and Lauren both think the same way. A mellow face or smilie face would be enough to show you appreciated the poem.

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

yes

 

you are right, Horatio

 

 

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

Please! :D

*obliges*

 

wuwut? i was refering to the award.

i get them like wateeeeer

what are you annoyed?

 

what's wrong, horatio? are you envious?

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LALALALAAAAAAAAAAALLLLAAAAA

 

 

hmm im listening to a song and im pretty sure its in a movie..

skeleton jar by youth group.

 

im not sure how it got on my computer.. but i like it.

 

im gonna google it.

 

hmm well i cant find if it was on a soundtrack.

maybe i dreamed that or somthing.

 

i had a dream i smoked something that begins with c.

can i say that?

im not trying to break rules today

i seriously had a dream.

 

i was skinny too.

haha.

 

i'm going to seaside with rob today.

in 5 minutes actually.

wow this forum isn't frequented... aug 8...

 

 

nevermind. i think i get it.

 

yea, only like 3 people ever answer me.

ha

you included. :rolleyes:

The problem is that some of the poems you write touch people so deeply that it is hard to find the right words.

that's what the faces are for. Especially the mellow face. I use that one.

 

*hands Lauren a KUDOS award*

*hands one to Horatio too just bc*

Thank you. You and Lauren both think the same way. A mellow face or smilie face would be enough to show you appreciated the poem.

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

yes

 

you are right, Horatio

 

 

 

indeed.

 

ANOTHER? :P

Please! :D

*obliges*

 

wuwut? i was refering to the award.

i get them like wateeeeer

what are you annoyed?

 

what's wrong, horatio? are you envious?

If I could write poetry like you do, that would be fabulous!!! :lol:

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If I could write poetry like you do, that would be fabulous!!! :lol:

i meant the awards

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If I could write poetry like you do, that would be fabulous!!! :lol:

i meant the awards

Oohhhhhh those...

*changes the subject*

Well, how is the weather where you are?

well i dont go out in the day..

but it was good before..

I thought the weather up there is beautiful... why not go out in the day? :huh:

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If I could write poetry like you do, that would be fabulous!!! :lol:

i meant the awards

Oohhhhhh those...

*changes the subject*

Well, how is the weather where you are?

well i dont go out in the day..

but it was good before..

I thought the weather up there is beautiful... why not go out in the day? :huh:

i sleep thru some of it and then im inside for the rest of it.

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If I could write poetry like you do, that would be fabulous!!! :lol:

i meant the awards

Oohhhhhh those...

*changes the subject*

Well, how is the weather where you are?

well i dont go out in the day..

but it was good before..

I thought the weather up there is beautiful... why not go out in the day? :huh:

i sleep thru some of it and then im inside for the rest of it.

:wacko::blink::wacko:

Get out!!!

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If I could write poetry like you do, that would be fabulous!!! :lol:

i meant the awards

Oohhhhhh those...

*changes the subject*

Well, how is the weather where you are?

well i dont go out in the day..

but it was good before..

I thought the weather up there is beautiful... why not go out in the day? :huh:

i sleep thru some of it and then im inside for the rest of it.

:wacko::blink::wacko:

Get out!!!

 

last time i was outside for a good amount of time was when me and luc walked to 7-11 for whip cream and then back (4.2 miles)

it was dark and scary and we were next to a main road.

lol.

were not smart

but whippits(sp?) are so FUN.

and whip cream was like.. lunch and dinner :]

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