Mushroom_king

Mushroom and PMM ran out of the Kitchen, and back into the main area of the restaurant. The giant Monster-whatever it was-had driven out every other customer. The two didn't know where the monster came from or why, and knew that if it came from where they thought it came from, their lives were about to get much more complicated. "Alright. Remember how we do this," MK whispered. She grabbed her guitar off her back. "I hope I do." She muttered to herself. She slung the leopard-print strap of the tye-dye patterned guitar (she never really asked why her guitar was so odd-looking, since she secretly really liked it) and began to pluck at it. "God **** it," She muttered, "The thing hasn't tuned in forever. I was told it never needed tuning." "So I gotta take this thing on while you **** around with that?!" PMM said, desperate and irritated already. "Please," She said. He heaved angrily. "Fine then," He said, raising his keyblade triumphantly into the air, and then swinging it towards the monster as a strange blue series of magical numbers flew out of it. "Code 404!" He shouted. MK tugged a the tuners of her guitar, which for some odd reason were shaped like flames. And green. But no matter; she had done this many times before and was ready to fight in no time, just as PMM sliced at the monster with his keyblade. "Hurricane rock!" Shouted MK, as she played a familiar riff on her guitar. A medium-sized storm flew out of it and hit the monster, causing it to scream from the pain; and the two of them decided to finish it off right away. The two launched their Sound Voyage attack, too which the monster died-and for one reason or another, vanished. The damage to the building was still there though. MK and PMM sighed, and their costumes melted away into their normal clothes; they ran outside as discreetly as possible, where the crowd was wondering where the monster went and Roger & Glowurm were lamenting the property damage. MK knew Horatio would be more than happy to help out, but in the chaos it didn't cross anyone else's minds. MK was so busy examining the crowd that she didn't notice at first Cheesemaster calling her name, and then wrapping his arms around her (and PMM, in a minute) in relief. "Mushroom, Mushroom, I'm so glad you're alright. Edna was sound asleep but his food was gone, he must have eaten it and then gone to bed again." He slowly pulled his arms off of her, his face slowly turning a soft pink. He looked down at PMM and was about to hug him too but knew PMM would not be happy about it. "Ugh, this is just terrible. We were having a good time, everyone was, until that happened. Where did it even come from?" He said, looking over at where the monster had been. Kat was sitting on the ground, dazed; her claymore was out of its holder, and she stumbled as she tried to get up. The combination of the events of the night, the gambling, the TV shows she had watched, and of course the alcohol was taking its toll, and no one was really sure if it was a good thing or bad thing. She stumbled past a group of shocked people who were about to head back to their homes, and walked over to MK and Cheesemaster. She held up her arm, which a red sleeve had covered; the sleeve of her trench coat fell down, revealing a stump on her arm. Cheesemaster gasped and MK nearly fainted. "K-K-K-K-Kat!!! What happened to you?!" Cheesemaster said, his voice shaking. Kat looked at the stump where her paws had once been, and her eyes grew enormous in a split second. "WHERE THE **** DID MY HAND GO?!" She screamed, turning it over as though doing so would conjure up a new paw. "That monster must have cut it off," MK said, her face shocked but her voice nonchalant. Kat's face suddenly brightened. "SWEET! Now I can get that hook hand I've always-" And just as suddenly as it had vanished, her paw popped out of her wrist. Kat made no change of expression, although her three friends were completely shocked. "Kat!!! You just re-grew your hand!!!" Cheesemaster said, shocked and amazed at the same time. Kat sighed sadly. "No hook hand for me, I guess..." "Do you know what this means?!" "Yea," Kat said, looking at her hand. "It means I'm a starfish!!!!" She said, happy, but then became sad again. "Still not as good as a hook hand." MK sighed and was about to fall down due to exhaustion, if Cheesemaster had not caught her; he noticed PMM was tired as well, and picked him up. "Mushroom, do you need me to take you back?" "That's nice of you, but I can do it myself." She said, picking up PMM, despite his objections. "I'm really tired, so good night." Cheesemaster looked sadly at the wreckage. "Don't Roger and those others live there? Where are they going to go?" He whispered. "Horatio will more than likely give them rooms at the Club," Said Kat, yawning. "I'm gonna retreat to my BoxPartment." Cheesemaster sighed, and decided it would be good to remind the Planet Horatio employees that they were welcome at the club while the restaurant was being repaired-a process that was already underway, and then headed back up to the club to make sure Edna would be alright. -------------------------------------- Cheesemaster woke two hours later. It was Three in the morning. His breath was heavy and his nightmare still heavy in his brain. The sounds of Dead Deep's gunshot had haunted him like an old, bad memory, and had reminded him of one. One only himself knew about. He put on his glasses, grabbed a flashlight and a book, and began reading until he was tired and felt he could go back into a peaceful sleep. --------------------------------------- Cheesemaster awoke the next morning to find Edna already up, smiling a smile that told him he was up to something. "Good morning, Edna," Cheesemaster said very sleepily as he put on his glasses and climbed out of bed. "Good morning, Mr. Cheesemaster." He said, and Cheesemaster glared at him, smirking. "Well Edna, what are you up to this morning?" He sighed. "Nothing. Just heard you thrashing about in your sleep last night," Said Edna, still smiling. "What?!" "I'm the one who should be asking that, what were you having a bad dream about?" Cheesemaster gulped. "I heard you say something about your mother, and 'Don't Shoot'. Was your mom shot?" "Certainly not!" Cheesemaster snapped. "My mother was never harmed as far as I know!!" "At least you knew her," Edna murmured quietly so Cheesemaster couldn't hear him. He paused. "Why don't you ever talk about your mother and father?" Edna said, as Cheesemaster got his clothes on and prepared to meet Arkcher and MK later. "Because I don't like to talk about them," Said Cheesemaster bluntly. Edna heaved. "At least you have some to talk about so why don't you take advantage of it!" He said, near-yelling, and Cheesemaster, trying to keep his cool, threw himself down on the couch. "Edna, I'll tell you someday when you're older-" "No! I want to know now! I'm not going to wonder anymore! I'll just look you up on the Universal Database should I have to!" "No, Edna, don't-" He paused, and then, to change the subject, asked "Edna, did you wake up sometime last night before I came back? I saw your food was gone." Edna stopped. He turned around and was smiling that smile again. "I wasn't really tired, you know," Said Edna, walking towards him. "Y-You weren't?" "Nope," Said Edna. "Then why did you pretend you were?" "I wanted to go back to the Club." Cheesemaster looked at him, confused. "But why? You could have just said you wanted to go back, and why would you want to come back here? Weren't you having fun? Did you sense the monster attack? If you did, why did you not tell us?" "I didn't, promise. I wanted to go because I felt like I was ruining your date and because I felt you deserved some alone time with Mrs. Ahrroww." "EDNA!!!" "But that's the truth!" Cheesemaster sighed. "Never mind. I'm going down to Planet Horatio to see if everyone's OK. You coming?" "No, I'm really tired, for real this time." "Alright then, I'll be back in a little bit." ------------------------------------------------ Cheesemaster walked downstairs to the lobby, outside, and across the street, where construction to rebuild the restaurant. Everyone was talking about the monster attack last night-except Kat. There was a surprise. She stood in front of a large cardboard box with all sorts of buttons and levers drawn on with a Sharpie. Cheesemaster didn't particularly want to know what Kat's latest genius plan was, as it would more than likely end up in massive carnage, explosions, things being destroyed, and other things that Kat did in her free time. But he was dragged over there anyway, when attempting to walk over to the restaurant's performers, she clutched his arm and literally dragged him towards her to show him the box. "Cheesemaster! Cheesemaster!" She was shouting the whole time, and was only stopped by him answering "What is it?" "I built a Time Machine," She said nonchalantly. She pointed to the box, which was big enough for about five people. "It's powered by solid Plutonium and Garnets, runs at 88 Miles Tops, which is quite excellent, but your safety isn't exactly guaranteed when you ride it. Have I made enough time travel-related references yet?" He nodded, and Kat was about to say "I see you do not believe, let me test it out-" when he shouted "NO!!", loudly enough for the others to turn and look. "What's goin' on?" Roger shouted as he lit up a cigarette, and Who are You smiled. "Looks like Kat built something." "A Time Machine, to be specific!" Kat replied. Schimmi grinned. "That sounds like something relevant to my interests," He said. "Mine, too..." Sighed Graf von. Cutie Puppet was with him as well, and the puppet patted him on the back and told him to forget the past. Schimmi ran over and literally slid when he almost past the 'time machine'. "So, Kat, gonna try it out for us?" Kat nodded excitedly. "I sure am." Cheesemaster looked concerned. "To where?" "I was thinking that I could go to last night to see what destroyed that big Lovecraft monster thing, or to Biblical times and meet Jesus, or to the beginning of the world to see how that #### went down, but instead I'm going to travel to ten minutes ago." "I see you're taking the fact that you invented a supposedly working Time Machine that could do wonders for the world very seriously and that you are putting it to good use," Cheesemaster sighed, his glasses beginning to slip off his face as he placed his head into his hands. "I sure am," Kat said. Kat opened the cardboard door of her time machine, and sat on a very thick cardboard bench. She 'flipped' and 'pressed' the Sharpie buttons and levers, and Schimmi and Cheesemaster were both shocked when, as Kat shut the cardboard door, the 'machine' began to shake. Cheesemaster suspected Kat might be shaking the box herself, but before he could even finish the thought, the box vanished. "Where did it go?!" Schimmi yelled, as the others came over and looked. Cheesemaster was stunned. "That's impossible," He muttered, shaking his head, and his legs gave out and he fell to his knees. "That's impossible! It was-it, card-it was made of cardboard!!!" "And marker," Roger said, lighting up a new cigarette after his old one had fallen out of his mouth. "Cardboard and marker! Those levers-the buttons-were pictures! How could this-?" A giant flash appeared and the box re-appeared. Kat climbed out, with a photograph in hand. She showed it triumphantly and smugly to everyone. The picture was of her and herself, from ten minutes ago. "Shopped," Roger said, turning away. "I don't even know how to use Photoshop, stupid," Kat said bluntly. "I know, I just felt like being a killjoy." Roger said, smiling. He glanced over at the picture. "I demand a ride in the Time Machine," Cheesemaster said, with a smile so wide you'd think it'd go off his face. "OK, I'll tell you how to use it and you can go by yourself." Cheesemaster frowned for a moment, but then lit up again. "Uh, I guess that's fine." But the scene was interrupted when Kat, in a fit, took out a lighter and lit the box on fire. No one questioned why; they knew Kat more than likely didn't have a reason for it. But Cheesemaster wanted to know. "Kat!! What the-" He stopped and cleared his throat, to keep himself from swearing, but it failed-"What the **** did you just do?! You built a working time machine! Out of CARDBOARD! Why did you destroy it?!" Kat stared at him blankly. "I can build another," She said softly. Cheesemaster's legs quivered beneath him. He'd just woken up and something extraordinary, yet somehow familiar oddly enough, had happened to him. "Kat," He said, his voice no longer in a yelling tone, "How did you do it." Kat shrugged. "I dunno. I was bored, and I was watching the Time Travel channel (where they play nothing but shows and movies about Time Travel). They were playing 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure' and I thought that was one cool fricking phone booth. I wanted one. I searched all through town but couldn't find a phone booth like it to mod into a spiffy time machine, so I built my own out of cardboard and drew a Flux Capacitor and stuff on it, and I went inside it, and I did some make-believe play, and...well, it just worked." Cheesemaster stood in disbelief. He couldn't believe that was the whole story-even though it was. Kat shrugged and told him she couldn't put it any other way. He nearly choked with excitement, but he decided to hold his astonishment in. For Kat, this was completely, 110% Normal. You could see the confusion in her eyes as she was questioned. Kat was completely unaware that the things she did were strange to others, and she now seemed very much unaware that she had just traveled through time simply by make-believing. Like a child, Cheesemaster thought, She was just playing make-believe like a kid but what she made up was real. That's a dangerous power if I ever saw one. "So you just made-believe like a child would, but it happened?" "Guess so, unless I hallucinated it." "You couldn't have hallucinated something that we saw in your photograph." Kat shrugged, and took the photo out of her pocket. "I swear I didn't shop it. I really can't use Photoshop." "I believe you, Kat." "Thanks, no one seems to believe me about anything, and it sucks. Like this morning, for instance. I got up, and for once in my life I didn't get stuck in an alternate dimension or the 50th Level of #### like I usually do on my way to the bathroom. But when I opened up my box of Watchmen Crunch, an enormous nuclear explosion came out of the box! It left behind a ton of nuclear powder, which tasted really good in my milk. I didn't tell anyone because no one would believe-" She cleared her throat by this point-"That Watchmen Crunch really exists. I edited it out of my story to everyone else." Cheesemaster sighed, but smiled at her anyway. She was a good friend, and he tended to believe what she did, no matter how ridiculous it was. He sighed and re-adjusted his glasses. "I wonder how Mushroom is doing. Probably still sleeping." "Her Birthmas is today, isn't it?" Kat wondered. "Yea, it is. She's going to dinner tonight with Arkcher at Eyeferghat, that weird fancy restaurant that just opened up. Then she's...well, she was supposed to come to Planet Horatio for cake and gifts, but the way things are going that seems unlikely." Kat brightened up. "Fried Dragon Palace?" Cheesemaster smiled warmly at her, but her momentary happy expression suddenly vanished. "Oh, NO! Now that I don't have a Time Machine anymore, I can't go back to last night and watch the Gilligan's Island marathon I missed! Oh well, I have the series on DVD." "I'm gonna go check on Mushroom," Cheesemaster said; "I'll come back in a little bit, I may want to help with the construction." ----------------------------------------------------- Cheesemaster walked back up to the second floor of the Club and knocked on MK's door, to which she swiftly answered, PMM limply clinging to her shoulders. She looked like she had just rolled out of bed. MK stood on her toes and stretched, followed by PMM doing the same (while still on her shoulders, making it rather awkward and uncomfortable). "Uh, did I come at a bad time?" Cheesemaster asked, pulling the sleeves of his shirt closer to his body. "No no, it's fine, we just woke up..." MK said sleepily. "You sound really tired. You should probably go back to bed." "No, no, let me get a soda and I should be fine." "Mushroom, if you don't get enough sleep you'll get sick, and you can't have that happening on your birthday." MK's eyes shot open. "Bon Jovi, I forgot it's my birthday today! I have to get ready, Arkcher's supposed to be here at least around ten." "Mushroom-" "Sorry Cheesie, I have to get ready. I'll take a nap later or go to bed early." "Mushroom-!" But the door was shut in his face before he could wonder what she was going to do about the wreckage that Planet Horatio had become. He sighed, and walked back to his own room to check on Edna. He walked inside, where he found Edna laying down on the couch, fully dressed. His eyes were open, and when he saw Cheesemaster come in he sat up and looked at him. "Good Morning Mr. Cheesemaster. Did you wish Mrs. Ahrroww a nice Birthday?" "I was going to, but she seemed to have forgotten that today was her birthday and went to get ready for when Arkcher comes here." "I woke up about an hour ago," Said Edna, getting up, "And I've been waiting for you since. I wanted to read a book but I forgot to bring any and the ones you brought are too hard." Cheesemaster laughed. "Well, hopefully when we get back home we can go look around for some books for you." Edna smiled and gasped. "You really mean it? That'd be great?" Cheesemaster nodded as he pulled off his sweater and coat and hung them up on a coat rack. "I'm going to go see if there's anything I can do to help them rebuild the restaurant. Are you coming, Edna?" Edna nodded. "It's better than just sitting in here bored, I guess." "Alright, then. You've already cleaned up, right?" Edna nodded. "Come along, then." The two ran downstairs, Edna chasing Cheesemaster, only to have Cheesemaster run into Arkcher, who had just arrived, suitcases in each hand. Cheesemaster backed away, only to have Edna come to a screeching halt behind him. He cleared his throat, smiled, and said, "Hi there, Arkcher, Mushroom was looking for you." Arkcher brushed away something from his jacket and smiled back at him. "Nice to see you, too. I finally finished the present I'm gonna give her," He said, and sat down at a couch that was in the lobby. Cheesemaster remained standing up. "She said she was getting ready-" Arkcher whipped his head around and glared at his best friend. Cheesemaster gulped. "I went up to her room-" Arkcher's glare only became dirtier at this statement. "I went up there to wish her a happy Birthday, and she came to the door and she was really tired." Arkcher slowly stood up. Cheesemaster knew he was suspicious, and he also knew he had to keep it a secret that he and Mushroom had gone to Planet Horatio last night. "Why would she be tired? She doesn't stay up that late, she stays up till eleven at the latest." Cheesemaster glared back at Arkcher from over the rims of his glasses. Arkcher finally cracked a smile that instantly ridded his voice but not his expression of the impending paranoia. "Well, I'm sure it's no big problem. She should be upstairs, right?" Cheesemaster nodded. "Alright, well, I'm going to go see her. Where were you going off to?" "I was going to go help with the construction over at Planet Horatio-you saw the damage, right?" Arkcher nodded. "Horatio told me what happened. It's terrible-we might not be able to go have cake and presents there tonight." Cheesemaster smiled shyly. "There's always Fried Dragon Palace," He said.

Rockstar Games-The L33tstr33t Boys

Walrus. Belts or Suspenders/Braces?

I can't find the new posts either, though I think "View New content" is kinda the same thing.

'Good choice. Um, um, um.....both? bottles or cans? Bottles. This one is totally random. Solid Print or Pattern (on a couch)? Solid Print. Woods or Desert? Woods. Billie Jean or Beat It? Beat It. 2001: A Space Odyssey or 1984? 1984. Chicken Marsala or Chicken Parmigiana Chicken Parmigiana. Linguine or Spaghetti? SPAGHETTI Sharks or Bears?

How To Kill a Mockingbird. "And then some of the Ninjas turned into dinosaurs, fireballs, and presidents. Wait, not presidents, I meant volcanos. They turned into volcanos."

QUESTION: Which Character Story should be written next in Invision? Choices: Arkcher Edgar Alan King Another Rabbitt family member Hoops

-ahem- FUN FACT CORNER: -Vento is Italian for Wind -Drewno Lucznik is Polish for Wood Archer -Stom Konijn is Dutch for Stupid Rabbit -Usagi is Japanese for Rabbit -Can't translate Cody and Logan's names, it'd be a spoiler...

'Good choice. Um, um, um.....both? bottles or cans? Bottles. This one is totally random. Solid Print or Pattern (on a couch)? Solid Print. Woods or Desert? Woods. Billie Jean or Beat It? Beat It. 2001: A Space Odyssey or 1984?

Eating Ice Cream with Boom Headshot and singing along to L33tstr33t Boys songs.

HEY HORATIO I felt this question was too trivial for its own tawpeek in the Questions Forum place, so I'm asking here. Would it be alright to make a tawpeek (Tall Peak?) where people can post humorous pictures they they either made themselves or found on the internet, as long as the pictures are appropriate and have no links on them?

Little Girls-Oingo Boingo

t-shirts waltz or tango? Tango. In ground pool or above ground pool? In ground for sure. Unless you're talking about paying for one.... parsley or oregano? ...parsley? (not sure) Google or Bing? Google, partially because it knows everything and is one of the Holy Saints of the Internets, partially because I don't know what the other thing is. BATTLE OF THE ADAMS: Douglas or Richard?

this chapter supplied to you by Portal. Jeff got up and got out of bed, shaved, and put on his usual attire, a black suit. He went down, ate what could barely be considered food, let alone breakfast, and looked down at the address he was given on his way out of the White House. What? He thought to himself, This cannot be right, this is in the warehouse district. He shrugged and hailed a taxi, which brought as far as a large concrete wall in front of the address. Two MP's marched to the taxi, helped him out, and leaned over to the taxi driver and stuck a needle in his neck. "What did you do to him?" Asked Jeff with mild interest. "Sir, we injected a special formula that inhibits the memory of this address, what we do here is top secret and nobody can ask questions." "Very well then, lead the way," King said and the three men marched towards a huge warehouse. Jeff realized that this was no ordinary warehouse as soon as he stepped inside and let his eyes adjust. The two MP soldiers led him to a computer console that appears to be deserted, "Sir, this is Professor Webb, head scientist and special physics expert," apparently waving at nothing. "Umm, who are you talking about?" asked Jeff, thinking the man had stood too many shifts. "I AM DOWN HERE, MORON!" shouted a childlike woman half his height. "Oh, I did not see you there," Said Jeff, immediately worrying that he had offended her. "Oh, that's fine I guess," she muttered "I am Webb, and you had better not act insulting again or I might ACCIDENTALLY send you to the wrong time and place!" she suggested, her eyes glinting like those of Jack Nicholson in THE SHINING. Webb led Jeff to the center of the warehouse where there was a huge something covered in army mesh and netting. "Um, what is this?" asked Jeff, fearing the answer. "This, is the time machine you will be using." Webb answered and signaled to a crane that lifted the cloth and mesh. Before Jeff stood a long vehicle that resembled a Model T converted to a limo. Webb stepped forward and opened the door, "The machine is equiped with a full Amory for four people even though only you will be traveling in this machine, it's also equipped with a stocked kitchen and supplies to feed you for two years. Finally it is equipped with a shower, four hammocks, and a whole closet full of black suits." she finished with a smirk. She led him to the cockpit, and wished him luck. "Wait, don't I need a preliminary report or something?" Jeff asked nervously, "Nope, I only have one request, my boyfriend Leon A. Mort was sent before you and never returned, there was an error with the machine. If you see him, help him out." She asked him with a serious look. She leaned over him and flicked on the music player which began blaring the BILL AND TED soundtrack. She jumped out, ran to her computer and typed in commands. The vehicle moved forward to face a ramp over-looking the river. "SEE YA SUCKER!" she yelled into the mike and hit enter on the computer. The Time Machine leaped towards the ramp, launched across the river and disapeared into thin air! Jeff then saw a post-it note on the radio, it said "Oh by the way, you will have to wait about a week to reach the destination, which is about 20 years from now." He rolled his eyes and moved to the restroom located next to the shower when it rattled. He pulled a gun from his inner jacket, moved forward slowly, and renched open the the curtan to the shower, to reveal what could only be described as a female paper boy. "WHO THE **** ARE YOU!" He exclaimed, and she replied, "I am Clyde Gordon."

I will tell them. I could shout it! *puts this movie on my list of 'must do' things* bhkcbdslifajsdv WHAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SOYLENT GREEN YET WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

Mushroom_king, you always come up with the greatest things. *hands MK The Double Gold Star Award* I'd like to thank The Internet, for helping me find so many lulzy images...

Thought he might need that.

You gotta tell them, Horatio! You gotta tell them!!!! SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! as well as a really awesome movie

We Didn't Start The Eighties-YouTube

Reading.

[My friend L.B. (Portal) is co-writing this with me, he is supposed to write the next chapter with me proofreading and posting it here.]

His name was Jeff King, or at least that is what everyone believed. No one really knew if Jeff King was his real name or if it was just the name he had taken, that the government had given him. Jeff King was a government-hired assassin; that is, hired by the U.S. government to take out jobs for them because they didn't want to do it themselves. It paid alright, but if anyone had known Jeff at the time, there'd be mixed feelings about whether he enjoyed it or not. Jeff was an eternal pessimist, and some called him insane; perhaps dangerously so. But Jeff was happy enough to carry out the jobs he was told to carry out. Jeff had, like most people at the time, had never seen the higher-ups in the government face to face, and didn't even know what they looked like. He only knew the president's name-which was, or so he was told, to be Enon. Or maybe it was Anon. He didn't really know. But Jeff had only seen the lower, less important members of the expansive government, had heard the vice-president's voice and the voices of some of the secretaries over the phone when told to do a job; but he'd never seen or heard the President, Anon or Enon as he was called. Anon or Enon, thought Jeff, either way it's a stupid name. It was because Jeff, and indeed no one, had seen or heard the President before that had him very nervous for the first time. Jeff was not a nervous man by nature; certainly not, given his occupation, which took a great deal of nerve to do. The President never spoke on the radio nor the television; rather just the Vice President did, while the President controlled everything. The Vice President would go on the radio, and you would hear his voice tell what the President had done recently; Jeff thought the Vice President, whose name also escaped him at the moment, sounded like a slimy businessman. The television was another matter; on the television, when the Vice President was broadcasted, you never saw his face; you only saw his body. Sometimes his back was turned. But you never saw his face. This must have, Jeff mused, caused a bout of paranoia in more than one American, wondering if the Vice President was someone they knew-or if the Vice President was a criminal. Even more people thought this about the President. Jeff didn't care. Jeff was on a high-speed airplane to the capital; he'd been called there by the Vice President, as the President wanted something very important from him, a very important job he must tell no one about. Not like Jeff had anyone TO tell things to. No friends, for his occupation, as well as his nature, had made him a loner and made it hard for him to get along with others. His family was either missing or dead. He didn't care either way. Jeff rode the plane, though he'd been careful with hiding his weapons; the security was so tight you could barely get even your clothes on. Jeff hadn't brought anything, as he half-expected this to be a normal job. The other half was the part wondering why the #### the President, who no one had seen, wanted to see him. Jeff wondered this for a long time, and eventually fell into a deep sleep. ------------------------------------------ Jeff was awoken hours later, when the plane landed in the airport of the Capital; he had no luggage, so he slowly rose out of his seat, still very tired and bitter about being woken, and even more bitter when he knew he would not be sleeping for several hours as he was to go to the President right away. So no sleep for a great many hours, depending on how long this meeting was and how urgently the job must be carried out. Jeff slowly walked, sandwiched between two slow-moving masses of flesh also coming off the plane. He breathed a sigh of relief when he got into the airport and was finally freed from the tightly packed crowd of people. He walked through the airport, to security, and waited calmly as he went through. His weapons were undetectable. He had long wished that he had a government badge so he didn't have to go through these security checks, which had gotten increasingly stricter over the past few years. But no matter, he was experienced at getting his weapons through, and he succeeded per usual. He left the airport and found himself in the Capital, a place he knew all too very well; he'd never exactly been in the White House before, but still been there before, to speak with the Vice President on more than one occasion. But he knew where the White House was, and he made his way to it, as if he knew the path by heart. He found it not too long after trudging his way through the city; trudging being the perfect word for it. He trudged through the grime of the city sidewalks and streets, which were littered with garbage and homeless people. Jeff marveled at how the Capital was even less well-kept than any hick town Jeff had been to. He was genuinely curious why, but he didn't let the thought plague him for very long. Jeff found himself in front of the White House; where The President, the Vice President, and all of the President's cronies lived and worked. He'd never been inside. The building was surrounded by a fence; a fence that Jeff was seeing more and more often around buildings, a fence with incredibly heavy security. He had often wondered if these high-security fences were electric fences. He would not be surprised one bit if they turned out to be. He walked up to the gate of the house, careful not to touch the fence, not wanting to test and see if the fence was electric. He looked around for a way inside, and noticed one of those security things that he didn't know the name of-where you talked into a box to say who you were, put your hand to it, the whole ordeal. He walked up to it carefully, and was only slightly taken aback when a voice came quietly cracking over it. He didn't recognize the voice. Probably just someone in the low ranks. "Who is it?" The gruff voice whispered. "Jeff King," He replied, and was about to say he was there to see the President when the gate opened slightly. "Enter," The voice said. Jeff did so, walking across the lawn of the White House and up into the large doors. Before he could knock they were opened just a crack, and the same voice, now less gruff, ordered him inside. Jeff did so, and the door slammed shut behind him. "I will lead you to The President's Office," Said the doorman. "The Oval Office?" Jeff asked. The man said nothing, but motioned for Jeff to follow him. Jeff did so, if reluctantly. ------------------------------------------------ Jeff was led to the Oval Office, where he presumed he would be meeting The President. "He will be waiting for you, Mr. King." Said the man, who unlocked the door and left. Jeff hesitated for a moment, and reached for the doorknob as though it would shock him should be touch it. He clutched the brass knob, slowly turned it, and pushed it, hearing the door click. What he saw before him was a room almost entirely dark, save for two shafts of light which came from the small area where the blinds did not cover the windows. <i>How cliche,</i> Jeff thought sourly. <i>Meeting a man no one else has whose office is entirely dark from covering the windows.</I> Jeff shut the door behind him, and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he made out a wooden desk and a spinning chair, which the back of faced him. "Greetings, King. Have a seat." Jeff looked and saw a seat was in front of the desk. He sat down; the large chair he believed held The President still did not turn around. "Greetings, Mr. President." The President turned his chair slightly, so Jeff could make out a suited sleeve in the darkness. He could see most of The President's body, and a head, but no face. A faceless government, Jeff observed, nearly scoffing. "You must find it odd I called you to see me." "Odd is an understatement," Jeff said, his teeth gritting. "You are the only person in the entire country who has ever heard me speak." "I understand that, sir, just please tell me why I am here. What do you want me to do?" "This is no ordinary assassination job, Jeff." "I think I realize that considering who I'm talking to," Jeff replied, growing impatient. "Now tell me who the #### I'm going to find and kill." He heard a noise that sounded like a small laugh; this enraged Jeff, though he didn't make it known. "Don't talk like that, King. You are assassinating a man, not merely killing him. A murderer would be killing, killing for no purpose whatsoever, a man like that is the kind of man you take out. You are to assassinate someone, you are giving him something akin to the death penalty!" "Whatever, Mr. President, I understand. Tell me why this case is so unusual." "King, what I am about to tell you may seem unbelievable, but you must believe me for the sake of your country, and perhaps the rest of the world." "Stop making it sound so mystical and tell me already, Anon or Enon or whatever they call you." The President scoffed again. "Just call me Mr. President, King." The President's chair rolled back so the back faced Jeff and he no longer saw the well-tailored sleeve. The President suddenly stood up, his back facing Jeff, his hands behind his back. "King, you have heard that history repeats itself. Correct?" Jeff said Yes. "Indeed. Good. That is essential for your understanding. Now, as I was saying." "History repeats itself, or so they say; and it is true in what I am about to tell you. Once again I order you to keep an open mind about what I am to tell you." <i>I order you?</i> "Twenty years from now, in Russia, a country we are currently under good terms with, a man will rise to power. This man is thought by my Cabinet, The Vice President, and my Secretaries to be a descendent or distant relative of Joseph Stalin." Jeff thought for a moment as The President paused. He wasn't too keen on History, but he was mostly sure Stalin had no descendent after he died. But he hadn't studied the matter in years, so what did he know. "In this time, this man will quietly rise to power and reform the Soviet Union, and successfully turn many countries of the world under Communist control." The President walked closer towards the windows, reached for them, and pulled the blinds up. He put his arms back behind himself. "You, Mr. King...must go and Assassinate this man." Jeff was baffled and confused, though his face did not show it. "Excuse me?" "Do you wish for me to repeat myself, Mr. King?" "No, Mr. President, it's just that..." "Just what, Mr. King?" Said The President, his voice suddenly growing deep and threatening. "How the #### am I going to twenty years from now to kill a second Stalin? How do you even know about this?" The President scoffed. "My Secretaries and Cabinet have a way of learning things, Mr. King; such is how we learned of your great assassination skills and such is why you work for us." Jeff was still confused, but he had the idea that The President was no longer going to answer that question. "How am I getting there?" "By Time Machine, of course." Jeff's mouth hung agape. For the first time he showed genuine shock. "A Time Machine?!" "Precisely, Mr. King." "As in HG Well's 'The Time Machine' Time Machine." "Precisely, Mr. King." There was a long silence. "I ordered you to keep an open mind about this, Mr. King." "I did, but it's unbelievable-" "I am ordering you to believe, Mr. King." Jeff was about to object to it-it was far too insane. But The President seemed dangerous enough to him, and he merely replied "I am, Mr. President." "Good, King. Now. I want you to travel forward in time, to twenty years in the future, to assassinate Stalin II. It will not be simple. Time Travel is not as simple as the books would like you to believe. Time is unstable. It can be lost, gained, killed, and wasted, Mr. King. And time-traveling is dangerous, dangerous business. I have lost a number of men and women who tested the machine, who may have gotten stuck in a dangerous period of time." "They were killed in another time?" "Not in that time, Mr. King. They all came back." Jeff paused. "What happened to them?" He whispered. The President said nothing for some time. "I do not tolerate failure, Mr. King. Failure angers me. Failure is not an option when you are working for me, when you are working with me. Failure angers me, Mr. King, and when one of the Cabinet, or one of my Secretaries, angers me, I may or may not keep them. I never kill them, Mr. King. I am not a murderer, nor an assassin. That is why we have you, after all. No. I do something far worse in response to failure. When my Cabinet or Secretaries fail, it makes me angry, and the one who made me angry has their reputation slowly but surly taken apart until no one, not even their dearest family and closest friends, will stand to be around them. And this in turn, Mr. King, will slowly but surely seriously damage their sanity. I do not forgive, Mr. King, and I especially do not forgive failure. This includes you, Mr. King. I do not expect you to fail. You do not want to fail. If you fail you will not be able to hide it from me, for I have my ways of finding out things, and I will find out sooner or later. But I expect you to succeed in your mission, Mr. King." Jeff sat in shock. He wanted to get up and run, but he was paralyzed by fear-a fear he had never felt from any horror movie, from any assassination job he had been assigned, nothing. And he knew, should he get up and run now, The President would have him in his iron, unforgiving grip. \ "Do you agree to take on this job, Mr. King?" It was the first time he had ever been asked that. Jeff tried not to scream, not to sweat, not to shake, not to do anything. The President could smell your fear. The thought that this man controlled his country now terrified him. "Yes, Mr. president." "Good. Now let me explain your mission. As I said it is not as simple as you going twenty years from now, going to Russia, finding him, and killing him. There is a 1/1000000 chance you will actually get to the future on your first try at time travel, and the chance is even lower of even getting to Russia." "Are you implying the Time Machine can change where I am physically?" "Judging by how unstable it is. You could end up anywhere from New York to Tokyo, in any time period in History. It is a dangerous machine." Jeff continued to hide his fear. "But this does have a slight bonus. Stalin II also knows Time Travel, and there is an enormous chance he is out in history somewhere, looking for us, to kill you and I. It is hopeful you may find him or some clue to his hiding places from some Spy whom Stalin II has planted in Time. I have done the same with a select few Cabinet members. Each Cabinet Member has been given one of these," Said The President, motioning towards an object on the table. It looked like a watch. "Another groundbreaking piece of technology," Said The President as Jeff fumbled with the device and attempted to put it on his wrist, "Is that. We like to call it the Chrono Communicator; a device that allows two or more people to communicate if they are in different times." "How do you do it?" "That, I can't tell you, Mr. King." Said The President, his voice growing low and secretive. "But what I can tell you is that you shall be using that to communicate with us. Do not lose it." "I won't, Mr. President. I'm not a clumsy man." "Good. That's why I hired you, King." "When do you want me to go on this mission?" "Tomorrow morning, Seven Sharp. Get a good night's rest and a good breakfast, King. Until tomorrow morning the Cabinet will be researching where Stalin II's current whereabouts in history may be at the moment, and tomorrow morning you will be told our results and sent to find him. We will go out of our way to make sure the Machine doesn't send you to a completely different period in history. Now go. You will have a room to stay in." Jeff got up, as The President sat back down in his chair. He felt uneasy, taking orders from a man whom he had not even seen the face of, and taking orders to do something incredibly dangerous like this. But Jeff was not able to turn it down. The President's threats were too much. "Remember, Mr. King," Said The President as Jeff was about to open the door, "I do not forget, nor do I forgive. Do not fail this mission lest you pay the steepest of prices for it." "I will not, sir." Jeff opened the door and carefully shut it on his way out.

YOU REMIND ME OF THE BABE

"Yea, well I was! BELIEVE IT!!!" Shouted PMM. Cheesemaster smiled, but sighed again. "I never would have thought," And then he paused. "Mushroom, I've never heard you talk about your life back home." "I've never heard you talk about yours, either." Cheesemaster's eyes went wide with fright, and his mouth hung agape. "I-well, you know-" he said, stuttering a garbled mess of words. He gulped and said, "I'd rather-" "It's OK," Mushroom said softly. He smiled at her, and mouthed a Thank you. "I guess I never have told you about Dreamtopia, have I." "Not really. I always meant to study it. But I somehow just never got to it." She looked at him, confused, and then smiled. "I forgot. Your planet doesn't know about other planets yet, do they?" "Oh, no, we know about other planets, we just don't know about other planets with life on them yet. In fact, most people at home think we're the only ones in the whole Universe." MK and PMM both gasped. "That's a bigoted way of looking at things!" "How pretentious," Muttered PMM angrily. "Well we studied all the planets, or at least important ones. We studied yours, too." "I think you've told me that before." She sighed. "It's a sad shame, really, because people from other planets have tried to tell your people that they exist more than once before. But they always seem to have bad luck, because the people who see them are never very reputable. But they're too afraid to land in a crowded space." "I could see why." She nodded. "My class went on a field trip to your planet once," Said PMM, sitting on the table in between them. "Did you go to my country?" Cheesemaster asked, excited. "Uh, I think so...yea...didn't see you though," Said MK, laughing on the last few words. "But I don't care about that as much as I do your actual planet. Dreamtopia. Odd name," He said. "Earth is weirder," Said PMM. "Considering there is so little Earth to be found." "Water isn't an interesting name though. But I digress." "We can't really complain about the name of your planet because our planet doesn't actually have anything to do with dreams." "You could say it's more metaphorical than anything," Said PMM. "But the planet is divided into four different continents, which are all connected by bridges." "We came from the continent Spesh," She said. "It wasn't quite as populated as the others, though we went to the biggest magic school on our planet..." Cheesemaster listened, fascinated. "...We went to Dreamtopia Ma'hu High School. That's the name," Finished PMM. "I went there with Vanilla, Dawn, and Blood Queen," She said; "But I was the only Dreamtopian Spesh Native. Vanilla came from the Pilz Continent, Dawn from the planet Cullough, and Blood Queen came from the planet Yumo. We had pretty much all our classes together." PMM laid down on his stomach and said, "Why don't we just tell the story in flashbacks...sort of?" "Right from the very beginning, you suppose?" She said. "Just the important stuff." "Alright then. I suppose I'll start back before I even went to the High School, when I first met Vanilla, and then go to directly to the High School bits." "I was starting school for the first time ever, in what seems like a great many years ago. I was really scared, so I wore what was my favorite outfit to try and comfort me. That outfit consisted of a cutesy pink sweater and cutesy denim skirt with cute kitties on it," MK began to explain. "This was back in the Dark Ages when little kids still wore clothing that didn't have to have licensed characters on them," PMM said. "Well Paper, you can't say that considering what I wore the next day. Anyway, I wore that outfit, and it all went really great, but it was very odd, as I saw another little girl wearing the same pink sweater and same denim skirt with cats on it. Except she was a hamster, though not any hamster I'd seen before." "I went up to her and we, two kids who never saw each other before, started yelling happily about how we matched. We didn't care that I was a brownie and she was a giant hamster, we had the same outfit and that was very neat. So we were friendly." "But the next day, I wore another favorite outfit-some overalls, with one of my favorite book characters on it." PMM interrupted again. "This was back in the Bronze Age when kids liked books enough to wear the characters on their clothes." Mushroom ignored him. "I went to school, and Vanilla, well, she was wearing the same thing. It reminds me of how innocent I really was. Nowadays I would find it very creepy if something like this happened to me but when you're a Kindergartner it doesn't matter, it was fate. We sat together at lunchtime, put our cots side by side during nap time-" "Lesbian furry," PMM muttered. "Paper Mario Master," Cheesemaster said sternly, "That is not the way to talk when a lady or anyone talks of her childhood innocence." PMM shrugged and MK continued. "Her name was Vanilla Star Hamster. She and her family moved from the Pilz Continent and we always talked about how Pilz and Spesh were different and how someday we wanted to travel to Dotchlip and Suar, that's the other two continents." "So that's pretty much how me and Vanilla met. We've been best friends ever since. But now onto High School." "Flashback?" PMM said excitedly. "Let me stop you a moment," Said Cheesemaster. "At home, we get into High School at fourteen-" "We're not talking about Earth, we're talking about Dreamtopia." Snapped PMM. MK ignored both of them. "The city we lived in was SummerMeadows. It was an alright place, I guess. A bit boring after a while. The High School was just OK. It wasn't as awesome as it may sound. Even magical school sucks," She said, Cheesemaster giggling. In the background they could hear the jukebox behind them continue to play soft piano music, obviously of Roger's own choosing; Roger himself was nowhere in sight, and they thought perhaps he was preparing for his performance. Glowurm stood behind the bar, alone save for two people slouched on the barstools, as Glowurm cleaned the glasses. In the corner, they could hear Dead Deep (and presumably Blood Queen) with Redwing (who for some reason was not with Sheena or Grim-perhaps they were still in Hindenburg, or had gone home to Outside the Wall already) playing poker; Kat was leaning against their table, watching the TV, occasionally making comments. Who are You, Schimmislick, and Graf Von were engaged in a game of cards; the billiards tables and the dart boards sat abandoned. The Breakfast Monkey sat alone in a booth with Sockysock-the doors weren't big enough for Cadillac to come in. The doors to the restaurant suddenly opened, interrupting the story MK was telling. She hoped it would be Dawn and Vanilla, but it wasn't. Hoops Ahshirt was followed by Moosey, who had Funky Monkey hanging off his antlers; Mullaypop, whose Lolita-styled dress was bright blue and covered with images of candy, stood by him, and Hoops had her hand clutched on another girl's arm. This girl was a head and a half shorter than Hoops, wore white pants with grey boots and blue-and-white jacket with a single medal adorning it, and a large blue hat to boot. Hoops looked around, saw MK and Cheesemaster, smiled, and dragged the girl over. "Napoleon! Napoleon! Come here, come here," Hoops said excitedly. She dragged the girl over to their table, followed by the moose, monkey, and Mullaypop from a safe distance. Hoops dragged 'Napoleon' up to the table, and then dragged PMM over to the edge of the table and made him stand up. "Look, Napoleon; told you there was someone shorter than you." The girl, whose small and shy features seemed to back away from the group, spoke softly. "I see zat," She muttered. Cheesemaster glared in confusion at Hoops and her friend. "Napoleon?" "Zat is my name." "As in Bonaparte?" Napoleon said nothing. "A woman named Napoleon?" PMM scoffed. "Ehh, I've known guys named Serafina and Edna, shouldn't be a surprise." Napoleon said nothing. "I see you're French," Said Cheesemaster, in an attempt to get to know her. "I am." "Well, a French family naming their child Napoleon is a bit normal, but I never expected they'd dress you up like him too." "Napoleon was an exchange student from France who came to Florida," Said Hoops. "So wait," Interrupted MK who had also been interrupted, "You, a catgirl-thing, went to EARTH SCHOOL with a MOOSE, a Lolita, A MONKEY, and a French person?" "Yep!" MK was silent for a while. "It doesn't get much weirder than that, and this was an Earth school!" Hoops said nothing, she merely stood and smiled, but Napoleon tried to fidget out of her grip and whispered if they could leave yet. Hoops shouted No and dragged Napoleon over to where Moosey, Mullay, and Funky had already sat down. "I can continued with my story now," Breathed MK, not sounding annoyed or flustered. "Anyhow, me and Vanilla went to the same High School together. She was a lot more experienced than me, since she had come from a magical family and had been practicing magic for as long as she'd known-she practiced witchcraft, though, not the offensive/defensive type magic we learned at school. Even so it still made her better suited for the classes, though you know Vanilla, not the brightest-shining CD, not the most-selling of records, not the most seeded of torrents, if you know what I mean." "I think I know what you mean," Cheesemaste responded. "Not the brightest of graphics, to put it my way," Said PMM. MK continued. "But no matter; we had a good majority of our classes together. Let me try and recall my schedule..." She thought for a moment, as did PMM, even though as a teacher he didn't really have much of a schedule. "We had a homeroom class, of course," She began, "Uhhh...I had a music class, which was one of the only ones I didn't have with Vanilla...oh, you don't care about this, this part is boring. Let me get to how I met Dawn, Paper, and Dana." "Dawn we met a little later that year. She was from Cullough, as you know, but her family, for some odd reason, hadn't moved to Dreamtopia; they were still back on Cullough. Me and Vanilla both found it weird, but it was OK, we guessed, since she lived in the dorms at the school-as did we, you know." "We knew Dawn was a Dark Mage; she was in my General Magic class and that was what we saw her do. She was also in my Technological Class-" "I taught that!" Interrupted PMM. "-Where she often looked up Gothic poetry and stuff. She seemed cool enough, just our brand of strange. But she did seem off in a way we couldn't place. She didn't eat much at lunch, if anything at all. We saw she never came out on sunny days-we'd heard it was a doctor's order because she had sensitive skin. It was only when we were learning about them in class that we wondered if Dawn was a vampire. She eventually told us herself, when she, uh, helped us out in a situation. Me and Vanilla, I mean." A situation? Cheesemaster wondered what she meant by that. But he didn't have long to think, since she continued her story. "Now, PMM didn't actually become my Technological teacher until about halfway through the year, after meeting and befriending Dawn; the old teacher, well, we never found out what happened to him. We heard rumors he died, but we never learned the truth. But PMM became our teacher and I still remember how it went." Mushroom, Vanilla, and Dawn took their seats in the front row of the medium-sized room, wondering where the teacher was. They looked around-everything seemed normal enough. The walls still had the slightly-tacky-yet-still-cool bright blue paint on the walls with a pattern painted in dark blue, a pattern that made the wall look like a microchip. The computers were still on the desk. A giant poster of the Technology Magic symbol was still on the wall-a poster like that was in every room. The drawings and photographs of the students were still tacked to the bulletin board near the teacher's desk; the textbooks about Computers and Technology Magic were still in the desks. The only difference, was a small desk-calender on the teacher's desk, with video game factoids on each page, plus a Nintendo DS, a Game Boy, and PSP on the desk. Perhaps that was what today's lesson was about; but the girls shook the thought off. They wouldn't be studying Earth technology on Technological Class, they would study it in their Astronomy Class-maybe. The bell rang and the students quieted down, and out from behind the desk came a small boy in a green suit and blocker glasses. MK nearly gasped, as he resembled a game character she knew of. One student whispered "Leprechaun", but only a select few, the ones who really studied Earth (such as MK) knew what he meant. "Alright class! Your old teacher is not here, obviously, he has quit, and I am taking over." Said the boy, who, judging by his voice, was not a boy at all. A few kids gasped. The man/boy jumped up, grabbed the rope of the screen, and pulled it down with his weight. He was so small that he clung to it and was just the right weight to bring it down. "Today's lesson, I believe, will involve you learning how to find reliable information about Magic on the Internets." A hand raised. "Yes?" "What's an 'Internet'?" Asked a student. The teacher scoffed. "It may be an Earthen Invention, but trust me when I say it may be an invention that will and has changed lives all around the Universe." MK's hand raised. "If it's an Earth invention, and Earth does not hold contact with other planets, how has the invention spread?" "DUH," Said the teacher, mockingly, "By aliens going to Earth and stealing it. Now students," He said, as he jumped up onto a footstool, "Turn on your computers and I'll go through the lesson..." PMM clapped. "That's how it began! I was such a kickass teacher." "But how did you become friends?" Asked Cheesemaster. "And what about Dana? You show a lot of disdain towards her, yet you are friends with her, I'm curious as to-" An enormous CRASH even louder than both of the explosions earlier combined was heard and the customers began to scream. Cheesemaster, MK, and PMM stood up and turned around to where the noise came from; a sight they'd never seen before befell them. An enormous hole had been torn in the roof of the restaurant, and a...well, a monster was the only way to describe it. They'd never seen anything so big outside of the dragon Kyo, but she was kind and would not tear open the restaurant. Plus, the monster looked nothing like a dragon, it looked more like- "GREAT CTHULU WHAT IS THAT?!" Screamed Kat, "IT DESTROYED THE TELEVISION! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COOL PART! NOW I'M PISSED!!!" Kat took out her giant claymore, and probably some of her Mafia members for help, but Cheesemaster had more important things to be worried about. He turned to MK and grabbed her. "You need to get out of here," He said, "Do you understand? Take Paper and get out of here! I need to make sure Edna is OK. Get everyone out. NOW!!!" "OK," MK said, and he ran off through the door, yelling for people to evacuate. MK looked down at PMM. "You know what we need to do," He said. "Even though Blood Queen, Vanilla, and Dawn aren't here?" "We'll be fine. Come on, let's go-where should we go?" "The kitchen or the bathrooms, pick." "Kitchen." The two ran quickly into the back kitchen and made sure nobody was back there; MK took the golden heart-shaped pin off her jacket lapels, and PMM took his golden-heart shaped pin off his cuff link. MK held the pin up high, as did PMM with his. "I hope this still works," She said. She shut her eyes. "Heart of the Pink Sea Transforming Power!" "God, this is so lame...Heart of the Metallic Dream, Transforming Power!" Shouted PMM, sighing. The obligatory long and drawn-out transformations happened, with MK now wearing a longer green coat with bows on the ends, rainbow suspenders outside her jacket with music notes for clips, suns for adjusters, and a heart on the back of it, plaid pants, and a newsboy cap; PMM now sported a green sweater and pants. The two turned around, looking at their outfits. "Look fine to me," Said MK. "You have your weapon, right? Your keyblade?" "Sure do! You have your guitar, right?" "I do." "Then let's go."

OMG I actually haven't seen that one before! Epic! I agree! The internets are a wonderful source of lulzy images. such as that one of Vince Offer i am sporting in my signature right now.