Horatio

I am glad she responded, but I am sure you are disappointed. At least you will still have her friendship. *gives Cheesemaster a really giant hammie bear huggle*

Hamsters are not allowed to trick or treat.

I have a whole bunch of FedEx buttons. I will save them for you until you are grown-up.

Are there nuts and chocolate chips in spectral brownies?

Sunny, 88 and the typical fall Florida weather!

1. I totally agree with you. If there is something that bothers you about the person before you are even going out, it will only get worse as time goes on. Don't waste your time, the other person's time just to out and be seen. Never, never, ever think you will change someone. It will NEVER work, so don't even try. 2. Again, very true. The difference I believe is that you 'love' yourself, and do not need to validate who you are by the guy on your arm. When you find the guy of your dreams, I am certain that you will have a superior relationship!!! For your insight, I am awarding you The Blue Note Award.

i dont care if he leave for good he was lucky to have me i wasnt the best girlfriend but i was pretty good party is good for me im a kid, its wut im supposed to do its not wrong or anything and im gonna have fun im already having a good day cuz of it. If you do not care if he leaves you for good, then why did you miss him and want him to come back? As for partying, some partying is good, but when you are hurting yourself and getting out of control by abusing substances, this is not really good. eh, wutever. i need a boyfriend that knows how to have a good time. i really thought i loved him but wutever. he wants to change me and im not down with that. Having a boyfriend who cares about you and having a guy who wants to have a good time two different ducks. The guy that cares about you will not want to see you doing things to yourself that are self-destructive. The guy that genuinely cares about you will accept you exactly who you are for what you are. Because someone does not want to see you partying and destroying yourself, does not mean he is trying to change you, he is just trying to care about you. A guy interested in changing you would say something like this... I like you, but you are too fat. We will go out when you are 20 pounds later. If you encounter a guy like this................. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha. id never be with a guy like that. anyway, i know hes just trying to care but ive always been deep dark and destructive AND thriving to have fun and know people and get out there and live i felt ALIVE last night i felt like living is worth it. i know your gonna say i should feel that way more but i really loved last night and rob just never got into drugs or drinking and partying and i started drinking at 10, and drugs and smoking at 14. thats almost 6 years ive been drinking ive always had my own little parties.. but parents were always there and we couldnt do anything this party was great im glad i went and hey dont bash me for liking a party im a teenager.. I'm not bashing you for being a teenager and enjoying a party. I am only concerned that the substance abuse will lead you down a road that you probably will regret later in life and Rob seemed to be a really great person and a shining star in your life. What makes me sad is that you chose substance abuse over a really nice person. I am not trying to be hard on you, just showing you my viewpoint of things. *raises hand politely* Um.. excuse me? I'm almost 18. I've never had a drink. Never had a smoke. Never tried any drugs. Never got into the wrong crowd. Never gave myself away to a jerk (though I did come close two weeks ago). Never WANTED TO (okay maybe the last one...) do any of this stuff. I've never been to a party, (partly bc I was never invited) and frankly, I don't want to go to a party. I've had a whopping 3(THREE) boyfriends, and all three were idiots. I'm not a prep, and I'm not in "the bad crowd" (though most of the friends I have left are). I don't listen to dirty music (ICP), but I ordered Twistid from FYE three weeks ago. I like arguing, and I wish I could speak up, get my voice out there. Lauren. If you want to be different, just quit doing everything you know full well is detrimental to your health... and your heart. I'm not talking religion here. When you deliberately go against someon, it feels good. But you feel bad about it, somewhere deep inside of you. After awhile it gets smaller, and less noticeable. I'd know. But it stays there. If you want to be accepted, you can one of two things: lower your standards and let jerks (not Rob, he seems good for you) play with your mind, or raise your standards both for yourself and others so you don't get involved with jerks. From what you write here, guys like Rob are good for you. He obviously cared(s) about you and wants the best for you. Whereas other guys, the ones who prey on the minds of girls who do drugs and party like a mother-lover WILL NOT respect you. Horatio and I care about you. I don't even know why I care about you, but I do. You're my friend. Albeit you live 3k miles away, but there you are. You can say stuff like you don't care, you don't listen, you don't give a **** about Christians, or you just wanna high again. But it won't make me like you any less. Nay, it does the opposite. When youy push someone like me away, it only makes my devoted friendship stronger. I've had too many jerks and jerkettes as friends not to be a strong friend. I don't want anyone experiencing the rejection I felt all through middle school. I am, of course, babbling by now, but I assure you, I mean every word. I care about you. I don't want you getting hurt. You might be ana, death-wishful, high, drunk, burnt, and scarred, but guess what? You're still my friend, and I'm still yours. You know all too well how I feel about it (I know I 've lectured you multiple times), but the actions of my friends don't turn me away. It's when they turn away from me without a word or do something directly to my family that I give up on them. And since you are the kind of girl who will keep a friend as long as they accept you, and you live so far away, I don't see either of those happening in the near future. (lol, it's a quip. half-joking, but it's witty. laugh about it. please?) Keep this in mind, Lauren. Horatio, I hope this input helps you with every friend you have. Much love and a thousand KUDOS for confidence to each of you, -4771- 1. do you want a cookie? everyone lives life diferently. you chose to skip some fun stuff. doesnt make a difference to me. just dont tell ME how to live. 2. wut r u talking about doing stuff against people? not everyone is gonna accept my choices and thats fine. 3. who said anything about acceptance? 4. im starting to think distance is my friend.. Distance is not always your friend. You will still be our friend even though you are geographically far away and we don't always agree on things. thats not wut i meant Okay. *quits talking*

ha, if only you saw that UNedited. I don't think she would like it, had she seen it UNedited. lol yea. well everyones just so uptight. Not everyone has the same attitude towards drugs that you do. and thats perfectly fine but i dont need people telling me how to live my life. its MINE to mess up. Okay. *quits talking*

i dont care if he leave for good he was lucky to have me i wasnt the best girlfriend but i was pretty good party is good for me im a kid, its wut im supposed to do its not wrong or anything and im gonna have fun im already having a good day cuz of it. If you do not care if he leaves you for good, then why did you miss him and want him to come back? As for partying, some partying is good, but when you are hurting yourself and getting out of control by abusing substances, this is not really good. eh, wutever. i need a boyfriend that knows how to have a good time. i really thought i loved him but wutever. he wants to change me and im not down with that. Having a boyfriend who cares about you and having a guy who wants to have a good time two different ducks. The guy that cares about you will not want to see you doing things to yourself that are self-destructive. The guy that genuinely cares about you will accept you exactly who you are for what you are. Because someone does not want to see you partying and destroying yourself, does not mean he is trying to change you, he is just trying to care about you. A guy interested in changing you would say something like this... I like you, but you are too fat. We will go out when you are 20 pounds later. If you encounter a guy like this................. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha. id never be with a guy like that. anyway, i know hes just trying to care but ive always been deep dark and destructive AND thriving to have fun and know people and get out there and live i felt ALIVE last night i felt like living is worth it. i know your gonna say i should feel that way more but i really loved last night and rob just never got into drugs or drinking and partying and i started drinking at 10, and drugs and smoking at 14. thats almost 6 years ive been drinking ive always had my own little parties.. but parents were always there and we couldnt do anything this party was great im glad i went and hey dont bash me for liking a party im a teenager.. I'm not bashing you for being a teenager and enjoying a party. I am only concerned that the substance abuse will lead you down a road that you probably will regret later in life and Rob seemed to be a really great person and a shining star in your life. What makes me sad is that you chose substance abuse over a really nice person. I am not trying to be hard on you, just showing you my viewpoint of things. *raises hand politely* Um.. excuse me? I'm almost 18. I've never had a drink. Never had a smoke. Never tried any drugs. Never got into the wrong crowd. Never gave myself away to a jerk (though I did come close two weeks ago). Never WANTED TO (okay maybe the last one...) do any of this stuff. I've never been to a party, (partly bc I was never invited) and frankly, I don't want to go to a party. I've had a whopping 3(THREE) boyfriends, and all three were idiots. I'm not a prep, and I'm not in "the bad crowd" (though most of the friends I have left are). I don't listen to dirty music (ICP), but I ordered Twistid from FYE three weeks ago. I like arguing, and I wish I could speak up, get my voice out there. Lauren. If you want to be different, just quit doing everything you know full well is detrimental to your health... and your heart. I'm not talking religion here. When you deliberately go against someon, it feels good. But you feel bad about it, somewhere deep inside of you. After awhile it gets smaller, and less noticeable. I'd know. But it stays there. If you want to be accepted, you can one of two things: lower your standards and let jerks (not Rob, he seems good for you) play with your mind, or raise your standards both for yourself and others so you don't get involved with jerks. From what you write here, guys like Rob are good for you. He obviously cared(s) about you and wants the best for you. Whereas other guys, the ones who prey on the minds of girls who do drugs and party like a mother-lover WILL NOT respect you. Horatio and I care about you. I don't even know why I care about you, but I do. You're my friend. Albeit you live 3k miles away, but there you are. You can say stuff like you don't care, you don't listen, you don't give a **** about Christians, or you just wanna high again. But it won't make me like you any less. Nay, it does the opposite. When youy push someone like me away, it only makes my devoted friendship stronger. I've had too many jerks and jerkettes as friends not to be a strong friend. I don't want anyone experiencing the rejection I felt all through middle school. I am, of course, babbling by now, but I assure you, I mean every word. I care about you. I don't want you getting hurt. You might be ana, death-wishful, high, drunk, burnt, and scarred, but guess what? You're still my friend, and I'm still yours. You know all too well how I feel about it (I know I 've lectured you multiple times), but the actions of my friends don't turn me away. It's when they turn away from me without a word or do something directly to my family that I give up on them. And since you are the kind of girl who will keep a friend as long as they accept you, and you live so far away, I don't see either of those happening in the near future. (lol, it's a quip. half-joking, but it's witty. laugh about it. please?) Keep this in mind, Lauren. Horatio, I hope this input helps you with every friend you have. Much love and a thousand KUDOS for confidence to each of you, -4771- 1. do you want a cookie? everyone lives life diferently. you chose to skip some fun stuff. doesnt make a difference to me. just dont tell ME how to live. 2. wut r u talking about doing stuff against people? not everyone is gonna accept my choices and thats fine. 3. who said anything about acceptance? 4. im starting to think distance is my friend.. Distance is not always your friend. You will still be our friend even though you are geographically far away and we don't always agree on things.

ha, if only you saw that UNedited. I don't think she would like it, had she seen it UNedited. lol yea. well everyones just so uptight. Not everyone has the same attitude towards drugs that you do.

[Glad you continued! This is a great story!!]

*wonders where the video game is*

Today is a bit sunny overcast, if that makes any sense. There is a front coming and we will be having really cold weather. Boo Hoo!!!!! I hate cold weather.

The repairs doods have these monster sized magnifying glasses they are looking through to be able to see all the parts. They have lots of trouble seeing the minute parts. But all in all, they are doing very well considering. We are waiting for the last part... the airport antennae. *~*The Grand Illusion*~*The Final Cut*~* Okay. Clazzik is trying to become the smartest person so he can become a philosipher. *~*The Psychedelci luau*~*The Astronomy Domine*~* The repair doods have already replaced Max's hard drive, logic board, airport card and they are just waiting for the airport antennae. This is the most important part... the LAST part. LOL Clazzik should have a talk with Lexxscrapham, he is destined to be America's next greatest philosopher.

[My feelings exactly!]

The repairs doods have these monster sized magnifying glasses they are looking through to be able to see all the parts. They have lots of trouble seeing the minute parts. But all in all, they are doing very well considering. We are waiting for the last part... the airport antennae.

ha, if only you saw that UNedited. I don't think she would like it, had she seen it UNedited.

Accidentally? No.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this. If you could learn the same thing I am telling Lee, love yourself. Love yourself first and everyone will want to love you as well. If you try to depend on someone else for your happiness, acceptance and love, the burden is too great. Please work to love yourself first and that does not mean you will only love yourself when you are thin. ive never loved myself i havnt the slightest idea how to. I can help you on this if you would like me to. It is not easy, but the end results are truly phenomenal!!! is it even possible? i mean like.. im stubborn and im not gonna wake up and tell myself im beautiful everyday ive tried to 'convince' myself to love me but in the end i know im talking out of my butt and love myself as much as i love cleaning cat pee off the floor. It most certainly is possible. I am not talking about getting up and telling yourself that you are beautiful, but start with one thing. There must be one thing you like about yourself. For me, it is my blonde fur. So, I try and take as good care of my fur as possible. More specifically, I am talking about treating yourself like you would want someone else to treat you. For example, and you will have to make the changes to what appeals to you, if you would want someone to buy you flowers, then get yourself some flowers from a place like the grocery store. You need to take time to appreciate the person you are. For example, your writing is phenomenal and I think you have lots of talent. If you agree with me, this is a place to start. Do not let others try to distract you from doing something you like to do. The goal is for you to be pleased with not everything in your life, but start with one or two things. Work from there. Financially, they always say, pay yourself first. The same thing goes for how you treat yourself. Treat yourself like you would want Rob or someone else to treat you. I am not expressing my thoughts very well today, but let me think on this and I will get back to you. well. i like my hair if its listening to me im planning on growing it longer and lindsey is gonna layer it. i might dye it again. and for the "The goal is for you to be pleased with not everything in your life, but start with one or two things" part ive got a few bigs goals for myself; my weight my skin my nails my room i just get frustrated easily and i hate waiting for stuff the only thing that seems completely reachable is loosing weight cuz i lost 21 pounds and it was awesome i kno that if i start working out alot again i can be my goal weight that will make me happy VERY happy *joins huggle with Topazia, making it a group hug* You almost have the point. You like your hair. That is a start. What else do you like about yourself, exactly as you are, not with any changes? um. umm.. im seriously looking at myself and uh.. i honestly dont like anything. Keep looking. *waits* uh.. lets see.. i kinda like my wrists. but not in a healthy way.. so.. yea. Let's go for a healthy way. *waits very patiently* honestly, nothing else. How about your writing talent? *continues to wait with Topazia* wut about it. Do you think you have talent and do you like having the ability to write?

Time for me to go to bed... it is working it's way towards midnight. Nite, nite!

[Please write more!!!]

I was trying to let someone else reply first. You have such a terrific talent and I really enjoyed the way you wrote this letter, expressing so very much.

*hugs you* now i can say i know how you feel. singleness STINKS!!! Trust me. 3 weeks of it is torture, especially when he's MOVING TO TENNESSEE!!!!!!! In a bad mood/good mood bipolar type mindset. But i'm only half-insane. the other half is NUTZ! haha! hes moving? :[ im so sorry it's okay. we're not going to try to hold a long distance relationship. This last week has been murder on us. Oh well. Now I'm free to find a guy in time for prom! good luck im sure you can get like anyone you want. ***first, thank you horatio. If I find no one then I'll pay my friend Sam to come. Taht or I'll go alone and find a nice guy to chat with... or talk to Jenni... ***to lauren Thanks, Lauren! Although everybody I know has said that from the day I was 12, and I started to bleieve it... I don't... Buyt thank you! Really! You are most welcome. You should go and I think that Sam would be insulted if you made an offer of money, so I do hope you are kidding. You are pretty, have a great personality, are intelligent and would make the right guy a wonderful girlfriend. Trust me when I say, there is no rush. Go, have fun, chat with lots of people and enjoy yourself.

*wishes hugs could convey happy thoughts and not just warmth* *wishes the happy thoughts would come to ME* *always thinks happy thoughts and gives hammie cyber hugs to Topazia*

*gives Topazia a giant hammie bear huggle* Your mother is only trying to be helpful, not have to you face a truth. When you are not directly involved, it is so easy to see what is happening with someone else. Please go, give your mother a big hug, tell her just how much you love her and appreciate her. She is trying to save you from some hurt and pain.