Horatio

*gives TBFOF a hug* It is important to have respect, encouragement, love and compassion from your father. You are intelligent, have a good sense of humour and can achieve great things if given support. Unfortunately your father does not understand that you are a terrific human being and he has lost the best thing in his life. As for your step-father, alcoholism is something that can destroy families. He might want to change, but unless he stops drinking, I don't see that happening. Verbal abuse sometimes hurts more than physical abuse. I hope both your mother and step-father seek help to stop his drinking. Until that happens, he will continue as he is, and that is not good for anyone. Your frustration is justified. I am so truly sorry that you are going through all this. Focus on getting into college and out of the house. That is your best course of action.

Great news to know that what you are experiencing is felt by others. At least your mind can relax knowing it is not just you. Hopefully Phil's mother can help. Glad you and Jazzy were able to talk. How do you feel? I'm not sure how I feel. I guess I feel a lot of things. New information always makes me feel better, and having other people who are in contact with both Phil and myself is always helpful. I've been sort of going between states of thinking I should give up and get over him, desperately wanting things to be fixed, and a neutral "wait and see." I hate being in a state of not knowing. Not knowing is definitely the worst. Waiting to see how things turn out will be hard, but at least you will be able to know that you have done all you could to see what would happen with Phil and your relationship. Hopefully things will change when he gets back to school. Well, I talked to him the other day to see where he was at and where we stand. Basically, we're at the same place in which we started. He's stressed over a million different things, hasn't had time to really even think about our relationship, and doesn't think he's going to be able to have the time for it this year. I was right that us spending so much time together wasn't good for his grades, and he wants to keep that from happening again. He does want me back, he just doesn't think he can handle it right now. So, that's understandable I guess. I'm going to be too busy to visit him as much as I did too. I might suggest to him an extremely low-key relationship, where we both at least acknowledge the fact that we love each other, but we each go ahead and put other things first at least until we have more time. I don't expect him to do the impossible and make days longer or anything. What I did tell him though, was that he needs to stay in touch and talk to me more if he wants me back, and that if he continues with this not talking thing like he's been doing the past couple months, I will probably move on. That night, I had a dream where we both got back together. It was one of those dreams that felt so real, and I was so happy. Probably the best dream I ever had. Then I woke up, and reality involved that I had to stop by his house to pick up a jacket I left there last time I was there, which was before our break, about two months ago. That was kinda tough on me. Seeing him again, aside from the fact that there was no kissing and no "I love you," it was just like when we were together. We hugged, chatted about stuff, he said, "I really ought to go finish my packing" like 10 times before I actually left, just like it used to be. But, if he's not willing to even put the effort in to simply talk to me, he's not worth waiting for. I deleted the note I wrote about us taking a break yesterday, and plan to leave myself more open to new possibilities. If Phil wants me back in his life, he's going to have to put me there. You have such a level head about things. It seems as though you have come up with a very sensible plan. Your last statement is on target when you say that if he wants you back in his life that he is going to have to put you there. Very important for him to make the effort. Phil has to show you that you are important. I know this hurts your heart, but I do believe you are going about this the most important and best way. You need to put yourself first and think about what is best for you. The rest will fall into place.

Hope moving in was easier than expected and without rain. I will ask HampsterKing to increase the size for video uploads. As for band camp... you always to a great job. No need to worry as you will be fantastic!!!

You are quite busy at the moment. We have lots of patience.

Not missing... just using some junk computer that is NOT a Mac and is something that I would toss into the trash. This computer in the hotel would be best served to be a boat anchor. The 7th will be here before you know it. Ah okay, I was starting to get a bit worried there lol. And yeah, I know it's gonna come up fast. Dunno if that's good or not. I can read the posts on my iPhone, but when I try to reply to posts that have lots of quotes, it doesn't want to reply in the correct place. Probably operator error. And fast is good because maybe Phil will get back to being his 'old self' once he is back at school. I can't hold out hope for that one. Phil's classes tend to be hard, and he doesn't even have his schedule completed yet because somewhere someone messed up his transcript or something when they switched over the course formatting. Also, he was having financial aid problems where the company messed up the numbers, and everything is just a mess. And to make things even more stressful, I think he's going to be rooming with someone he doesn't know. Phil sounds like he has a black cloud hanging over his head. I'm sorry that he has all these problems to deal with. You're right... I don't think things look good for him at the moment. Way too much stress.

Great to know that you have lots going on, we will miss your exciting chapters, but we totally understand.

I am certain you will get comments. It is very direct and should touch some people all the way through to their core.

Great news to know that what you are experiencing is felt by others. At least your mind can relax knowing it is not just you. Hopefully Phil's mother can help. Glad you and Jazzy were able to talk. How do you feel? I'm not sure how I feel. I guess I feel a lot of things. New information always makes me feel better, and having other people who are in contact with both Phil and myself is always helpful. I've been sort of going between states of thinking I should give up and get over him, desperately wanting things to be fixed, and a neutral "wait and see." I hate being in a state of not knowing. Not knowing is definitely the worst. Waiting to see how things turn out will be hard, but at least you will be able to know that you have done all you could to see what would happen with Phil and your relationship. Hopefully things will change when he gets back to school.

Glad to hear that you got a Macbook! Whoo Hoo!!! Windows... those are the things you look out of. No need for those on a Mac! Especially with the iWork program. It runs all those plus more. Good luck in school. Band camp... hopefully it is a short and warm season.

Not missing... just using some junk computer that is NOT a Mac and is something that I would toss into the trash. This computer in the hotel would be best served to be a boat anchor. The 7th will be here before you know it. Ah okay, I was starting to get a bit worried there lol. And yeah, I know it's gonna come up fast. Dunno if that's good or not. I can read the posts on my iPhone, but when I try to reply to posts that have lots of quotes, it doesn't want to reply in the correct place. Probably operator error. And fast is good because maybe Phil will get back to being his 'old self' once he is back at school.

Oh my. Lots of insight, thought and epxression. Sometimes your poetry is too accurate. This is one of those poems. Great one.

Of course, of course, of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs, hugs, hugs* You have been missed soooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!! How are you? How are things? What's going on??????????? Please don't stay away so long!!!!!

Great news to know that what you are experiencing is felt by others. At least your mind can relax knowing it is not just you. Hopefully Phil's mother can help. Glad you and Jazzy were able to talk. How do you feel?

I am so sorry that you are having problems. You do need to be able to express yourself so that your parents understand how you feel. Is there someone, a counselor, teacher, etc., who can help you to better communicate without blowing up? There are some good books that can help, if you are interested let me know. In the meantime, let me see if I can find some advice on this matter for you.

Not missing... just using some junk computer that is NOT a Mac and is something that I would toss into the trash. This computer in the hotel would be best served to be a boat anchor. The 7th will be here before you know it.

I love listening to many of the songs. As you say, they are pretty uplifting.

[ Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was going through MK story withdrawal! ]

Your poem was amazing. Your depth of understanding and communication of that knowledge is incredible. *hands The Platinum Moon Award to Krisluvsdogs*

forgot to turn it green srry Looks green to me. * *

For people to start posting!!!!!!! Where is everyone? Starting to get over summer. Check out Erendayu, a topic called It's Been A Long Time. A returning, hopefully continuous, poster. Vaguely remember her(?). Doesn't she(?) have like a twin or a sister or something. Kai and then another name that sounded very familiar. You remember more than you think! *high fives*

Bumps again.

Dismemberment? Not for me. I hate blood and guts.

For people to start posting!!!!!!! Where is everyone? Starting to get over summer. Check out Erendayu, a topic called It's Been A Long Time. A returning, hopefully continuous, poster.

Lexxy, odd? Never. Most interesting and funny!

Seven more posts until you hit the 10,000 mark. What are you waiting for?