Jesusfreak

So Phil put up a different away message last night from the usual. Usually it's "Thinking of you, wherever you are, we pray for our sorrows to end, and hope that our hearts will blend. Now I will step forward to realize this wish. And who knows: starting a new journey may not be so hard; or maybe it has already begun." Last night (and also now because he didn't change it when he went to class) it was this (Japanese and translation): hajimari desho hajimari nan desho!? kirei ga yami wo terasumitai ni watashi to anata bouken no tochuu isshoni kite kudasai doko ma demo jiyuu ni genjitsu wo koete ashita kakoni natta kyou no ima ga kisekitashika na mirai wo tsuka mou mirai wo I believe you... It's the beginning, right? It's the beginning, right!?Like how beauty illuminates the dark,You and I are on the middle of an adventure Let's advance together freely, through thick and thinAnd go beyond realityThe present today that became the past tomorrow is a miracle A definite futureLet's take hold of the futureI believe you... In the AIM window I could only see the first part of the Japanese, but I was curious and clicked on the buddy info button to read the rest, and it made me really happy.

Poor diet, hormones, stress... what a bad combination. Hehe yep. Trying to solve one problem causes a worse one, apparently. (The way I was trying to gain weight was mostly by eating lots of candy and unhealthy foods, and by not making any real attempt to balance my diet with other things (I take multivitamins at least), which is one of the main causes of the imbalance. Then add to that how I've been having coffee with dinner a lot recently, and the stress of my insane list of things to do, and you have me as a medical and emotional mess! However, now that I have a good idea of what's wrong with me, I can try to fix it. One of the things that was suggested was consuming soy, so I'm eating soy ice cream for breakfast.

please tell me that actually exists. (On a similar note, one of NJ's districts has a party called the All Day Breakfast Party. Marius voted for the guy running under said party. ) Yes, The Monster Raving Looney Party exists, but sadly it is over in Great Britain. Haha epic. XD I think the US democrats and republicans should join forces and call themselves the Monster Raving Looney Party.

So, upon doing some quick research, I think that estrogen dominance explains my ridiculous mood lately, as well as the headaches and generally not feeling well lately. It also makes sense because it can be caused by things like poor diet (I'm trying to gain weight), stress, and caffeine. Hehe oops.

please tell me that actually exists. (On a similar note, one of NJ's districts has a party called the All Day Breakfast Party. Marius voted for the guy running under said party. )

Haha If you thumbs down the ads you don't like, you'll see them less often. I've got mine down to mostly skiing, backpacking, photography, music, and scholarship ads.

Well, I talked to him about last night, and he says that aim wasn't working on his computer at all last night, even after he closed MS, which is why he was texting instead, so that's understandable, although I kind of wish he told me that at the start. It probably didn't even occur to him though. I didn't get the chance to bring up the rest of it though. I might do it this weekend. It's one of those things that's best talked about in person anyways. And maplestory STILL isn't installing properly on my computer, which is getting really frustrating since I was planning on using it for a presentation that's due next week.

So, I'm in kind of a bad mood today, which started last night. After I finished my take home exam, I tried to install the new version of maplestory (because for some reason the patches never work). And of course after it downloaded for two hours it wouldn't install properly. The new patch contains the new pirates class that Phil has been excited about since he heard about it, so naturally he was online and playing the second it came out. And of course AIM wasn't working properly with it, so he closed aim and resorted to texting me (which makes for much worse conversation, and this was after not being able to talk to him in class because the wireless wasn't working). After MS refused to install properly the first two times I texted him saying I was going to give up on it as it was 1am. He responded awhile later saying he was going to bed and good night and all that. I was really quite annoyed that he didn't sign into AIM to chat for a couple minutes and say good night properly, especially since we had hardly talked all day and he doesn't have class on Thursdays so it's not like he was going to bed so he could get up for class. And I guess on itsI own it's just a little thing, but it's underlined by my already existing concern over his maplestory addiction. Now, I know he likes his games, and that's fine, and he generally manages to get his schoolwork done, but sometimes (and I hate putting it this way because I know that's not how it is), it seems like he cares more about his games than he cares about me. Even when I'm visiting him he's usually playing some sort of game, and it's kind of starting to get on my nerves. I mean we do other things sometimes to, and when we do it's fine. Just the maplestory thing seems to be getting a little bit out of hand, and last night kind of pushed me over the edge in terms of being concerned about it. I'm planning on talking to him sometime today if he ever signs into aim.

Hokay, revised list of things to do (I've gotten a lot done and rearranged some dates so it's not as bad now) This weekend: visit Phil, including ballroom competition 11/18: Child development presentation 11/19: Behavior Modification presentation (should be easy, it's only 5 minutes and requires no research) 11/26: Thanksgiving break starts (requires driving to a hotel and back) 12/1: Psych Law paper due, thanksgiving break ends 12/3: Education presentation 12/8: Psych law final, Education take home exam due 12/9: Autism exam, Autism paper due 12/10: Behavior mod exam 12/11: child development exam, visit Phil? 12/18: term paper due (I can probably turn it in early, and I can go home as soon as I turn it in)

lolz. Pictures take a long time to put up here. What do you all want me to post pictures of? They do? You mean, the speed of uploading? For me it's almost isntant but I suppose that's just my internet connection. And now I can spy on you as much as I like. But I especially like your strange videos. for me it's not upload time, it's a matter of finding the picture, copying it, shrinking it, and then remembering which one it is to upload it. *grumbles about file size limits* lol videos. Those are mostly really old videos from high school. Did you notice the larger file size? I asked HamspterKing to increase the size permitted and hopefully we will get some videos here. I haven't been paying attention. Let's see if I can upload a non-shrunk picture. Hm....seems to have worked. My favorite picture is the one of you and Phil!!!! What a gorgeous couple! You are becoming more beautiful day by day!!!!! Phil in action on the ballroom floor! Very nice! Is that your sister with him? I love that picture of me and phil, it's my profile picture at the moment. And yes, that is my sister with Phil. I was quite proud of that picture lol. Dancers are so hard to photograph! Especially in competition when other people are always in the way.

I'm only in there once or twice as I was generally *behind* the camera. And the music that was in there was kind of an inside joke with our group of friends that year lol.

Oh that video! We were playing truth or dare. Lara asked for a dare. My roomie had the brilliant idea that Lara had to run the entire length of the hall and back shouting "The British are coming!!!!" the whole time. Also in that session Dave was told to confess his (actually nonexistant) love for Dylan (who was sitting at the front desk with his girlfriend). I doubt that video is small enough to be uploaded here though, it's like 10 minutes long, and I don't remember how the language was through all of that.....

Apartments do have their own bathrooms, but the only downside is we're going to have to clean them ourselves instead of the cleaning people doing it every day like they do in normal housing. All buildings do have a common kitchen, but in most buildings the stove is really tiny and/or doesn't work well, and there's practically no counter space. Also, it's usually pretty gross, and far from most rooms. >_< But yeah, never again am I doing regular housing. First year was honors which was okay, and last year was wellness which was pretty good most of the time, but this year is insane.

My sentiments exactly. Also chances are, if any guys are interested in you and aren't sure of your orientation, they'll check your facebook for more information. Most people tend to assume you're straight unless you put otherwise. (I personally tend to assume people are bi until proven otherwise lol.) And yeah, no real friend would reject you because you're gay. Anyone who does that seriously needs to get their head out of their [abruptly ends comment there].

lolz. Pictures take a long time to put up here. What do you all want me to post pictures of? They do? You mean, the speed of uploading? For me it's almost isntant but I suppose that's just my internet connection. And now I can spy on you as much as I like. But I especially like your strange videos. for me it's not upload time, it's a matter of finding the picture, copying it, shrinking it, and then remembering which one it is to upload it. *grumbles about file size limits* lol videos. Those are mostly really old videos from high school. Did you notice the larger file size? I asked HamspterKing to increase the size permitted and hopefully we will get some videos here. I haven't been paying attention. Let's see if I can upload a non-shrunk picture. Hm....seems to have worked.

Yeah, I figured as much. I did open up to the first guy I had feelings for, and he was okay with me telling him. Even if it didn't work out, I was comforted somehow. Other than that I'm at the point where I would tell someone if they asked me (and no one has, that I recall) and not try to deny it. However I don't like the idea of well, making an announcement out of it. Maybe I'll have to sometime in my life. I'll pray about that. Makes sense to me. You could always add it to your facebook (the "interested in" section) so then it's out there, but you're not like running around screaming I'M GAY!!!!!

For me it's more about faith than religion. I don't associate with many other Christians because I can't stand a lot of them. :closedeyes: lol I should change my religion on facebook to "What He said." Organised religion has a lot to answer for. You DO get the close-knit church communities but you're lucky to find one like that, and when you do, you have to integrate. I went to a new church once and they barely spoke to me at all. Yeah. >_< My home church is awesome, but it's small and I grew up there, and people there are usually very friendly to strangers. Most other churches aren't like that though, and it's hard enough to even find one that gets their message straight. :closedeyes:

lawl awesome. I should make a bad picture and add it. I'm really bad at drawing, and even worse at computer drawing.....

lolz. Pictures take a long time to put up here. What do you all want me to post pictures of? They do? You mean, the speed of uploading? For me it's almost isntant but I suppose that's just my internet connection. And now I can spy on you as much as I like. But I especially like your strange videos. for me it's not upload time, it's a matter of finding the picture, copying it, shrinking it, and then remembering which one it is to upload it. *grumbles about file size limits* lol videos. Those are mostly really old videos from high school.

lolz. Pictures take a long time to put up here. What do you all want me to post pictures of?

For me it's more about faith than religion. I don't associate with many other Christians because I can't stand a lot of them. :closedeyes: lol I should change my religion on facebook to "What He said."

Me too. Hm. Maybe it also has something to do with living on an all girls floor too. Whether it's because of the hormones or because they're mostly annoying door slamming freshmen, I'm not sure. I'm hoping to live in an on-campus apartment next semester. That will put me in a building with mostly other seniors (with honors freshmen in the building attached to ours), and my room will probably be a bit apart from the hallway anyways, since most apartments are four single rooms that share a common area and small kitchen. Also, having my own room will be nice. I love my roomie, but the little things she does are starting to get me nuts, and I'm going to have to keep odd hours because of my ELD classes and student teaching senior year. Also, having a kitchen means we can opt out of a meal plan (I'm not sure if I will or not), and we can cook our own food! And having my own room is nice for a number of obvious reasons sleep and study related, but also if Phil gets any more freedom next year, I don't have to worry about having him in the room for a weekend upsetting a roomie.

Hm, well that's something to keep in mind. However I'm not openly gay at my school. I'm worried about homophobia. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? And yes, my school actually has a GSA, but it meets pretty late into the day for my schedule. It also is kind of unproductive, at least it was in the past. My approach, if I had the opportunity and the guts, would be to stand up and address Christians and explain why they should not be hostile toward gays, show how scripture enforces this (I hate using it as a weapon, but fighting fire with fire I suppose), and why that hostility violates the vary basis of Christianity. I don't know if anyone would listen to it but if they did that would be more productive in my opinion. lol it's a good thing in my opinion. It's just going to make it hard for you because I think that most other gay people threw the whole abstinence thing out the window along with the rest of Christianity (although religion aside, there are still tons of practical reasons for waiting). As for homophobia, I'm not sure how many people in your college are actually deeply religious, but that would play a factor. I know at my college, the GSA has a huge amount of support from the student body. And yes, the hostility does violate Christianity, probably moreso than acts of homosexuality do. Homosexuality was only mentioned once or twice in the Bible I think, but being nice and loving each other was mentioned tons of times. There are "Christians" out there that I want to smack upside the head. They're the ones that make me afraid to call myself by the same name because they think I'm like the others. Anyways, that's enough of my ranting. Also, not being openly gay at your school is going to make it super hard to find a relationship, unless you want one with a girl.

I've been in a really bad mood for most of today, and not even for any good reason. The only thing I can think of is hormones, and I've been like this the last few months too. I'm thinking I might talk to my doctor about getting put on birth control or something to readjust my hormones. It might help me gain back the weight I tend to lose at college and clear up my skin too.

(I hate those really long quote lists!) I went to an all-girls' school so attention from guys has been severely lacking. I've only been in mixed-sex education for one year of my actual school career and I was 3 years old. SO university is a real step-up. Yet absolutely no guys talk to me AT ALL so I'm not at all feel optomistic right now. (Haha remember the pyramid game from the old boards?) I could never survive an all-girls school, no way. Living on an all-girls floor is bad enough. Also, the guys might be waiting for you to talk to them. Most guys I know are terrified to go talk to a girl they don't know without being introduced. (That game was so annoying! You had to scroll for half an hour down every page!) There was no choice in my area: all the good schools (mainly priavte schools in this case) were single-sex and all the mixed-sex schools were state (public) schools. It wasn't bad because then you buckle down and get work done instead of dealing with romantic agendas. Yeeaaah, I'm not the spontaneous conversation type. I prefer the booked conversation type! Ah, I see. Most people here in the US can't afford private schools, and a lot of places have decent public schools. And maybe it's just me, but I didn't have much problem with romantic interests getting in the way of school, but then again my romantic interests usually weren't in my classes (and often not in my school for that matter). And spontaneous conversation just takes practice lol. I was lucky, I guess, to get to go to a good school. I've never been the confident type. Most of the friends I had when I was 12-15 were online because I just couldn't talk to people and I STILL can't talk to people. But I'm gonna stop talking about all this because something really horrid happened this evening and it's making me really depressed. :closedeyes: I just need to work on my self-esteem a little more. Aw....*hugs* Well, I'm always here if you need to talk.