Jesusfreak

HAHAHA YES!

I LLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE those pictures!!!!!!!!!!! It is almost like the frog is posing for you!!! How phenomenal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol thanks! It really did seem like the frog was posing for me; it was so tame.

So, today dad called me out to help him get the pool cover out of the pool (the trick was doing it without dumping all the slime into the pool), and we found this cute little tree frog. I set it down on a log, and finished what I was doing. I went back to the log, and it was still there, so I picked it up. It didn't mind sitting there in my hand at all, so I got some great pictures of it. Here are a few of the best:

9am staff meeting, after working until 12:30am.....not....cool.......

Blehhh I feel like crud. I have some sort of sinus infection thing, and it's not fun. It started with just a sore throat, which killed my voice so I couldn't go to work the day before yesterday. Yesterday I got out of work because one of the managers called and said to not come in since business was too slow to warrant having another person there. I'm scheduled for work today, so we'll see how I'm feeling. I plan to go out in a bit to pick up some soup and vitamin C supplements [and to see Phil].

Haha omg, I just painted my toenails silver the other day! I was going to use the silver as a base coat for red and blue, but I liked the silver and left it like that.

That seems to have been the case, as he's been acting more like his usual self lately. I'm guessing he just goes through occasional phases. I don't think he talks to any of his friends about his issues. He *might* talk to his sisters about them, because I *think* that what's on his mind is family related, from what little I know about that. I can't imagine anything else that would trouble him so much. However, I think if/when he talks to them, it's purely informational, or only therapeutic for their sakes. He was quite adamant when he talked to me about wanting to sort it out himself, with no help from *anyone*. My first reaction was to feel hurt that he didn't want my help, but that's not what he was trying to say exactly, because he didn't want anyone's help, and wanted to do it himself. Just the same as when I'm carrying something heavy and turn down offers to have someone else carry it. Either way, now that I know that there's an issue he's trying to sort out, I've been praying for him about it, that he'll be able to sort it out and reach a good conclusion with it all. And random and totally unrelated idea: Watching your language in the workplace! DQ edition: Oh, fudge! Oh, shakes! or Oh sprinkles! What the heath? For the love of all that is tasty! What a banana split! He's a pain in the arctic rush. I've already been at work for too long.... Maybe a small period of quiet contemplation would be good for you both, seeing as Phil has things to sort out and you have a new job to get used to. Give it a week or two. You may soon be wondering what you ever worried about. Haha, euphamisms are fun! I like "For the love of all that is tasty!" implying that what you sell IS tasty. Well, the things Phil has to sort out, if my assumptions are correct, stem from his childhood and are things he's been struggling with for years, so I expect this to be an ongoing thing. And as far as I know, our food is tasty. I've only been there three times and I've seen some of the customers more than once.

hehe awesome

That seems to have been the case, as he's been acting more like his usual self lately. I'm guessing he just goes through occasional phases. I don't think he talks to any of his friends about his issues. He *might* talk to his sisters about them, because I *think* that what's on his mind is family related, from what little I know about that. I can't imagine anything else that would trouble him so much. However, I think if/when he talks to them, it's purely informational, or only therapeutic for their sakes. He was quite adamant when he talked to me about wanting to sort it out himself, with no help from *anyone*. My first reaction was to feel hurt that he didn't want my help, but that's not what he was trying to say exactly, because he didn't want anyone's help, and wanted to do it himself. Just the same as when I'm carrying something heavy and turn down offers to have someone else carry it. Either way, now that I know that there's an issue he's trying to sort out, I've been praying for him about it, that he'll be able to sort it out and reach a good conclusion with it all. And random and totally unrelated idea: Watching your language in the workplace! DQ edition: Oh, fudge! Oh, shakes! or Oh sprinkles! What the heath? For the love of all that is tasty! What a banana split! He's a pain in the arctic rush. I've already been at work for too long....

Wouldn't that have been great if it was LifesEagle?!?!? It would be pretty funny I have gotten several discounts in America due to my pure Britishness. It makes shopping all the more fun! My teeth tends to give me away before my accent does, though... (see picture... ahem). Things are still stagnating a bit. I had an exam today that I know I've failed. My mum's being a bit weird towards me at the moment and my dad's phoning me more than she is, which is unusual. I may try another course next year or retake my first year, but I really have no idea what to do. I'm doing abit of an ostrich impression to delay having to deal with this. It's the only way I can cope right now without resorting to... alternative remedies. We can only hope now. Haha I can't give people discounts, sadly. All I could do was make suggestions for them (not too hard, they liked chocolate, so the logical choice was a chocolate extreme blizzard made with chocolate ice cream (most blizzards are made with vanilla by default, and a couple are made with twist, which is chocolate and vanilla)). So uh....cope by eating chocolate! In all seriousness though, when things go wrong for me, I tend to cope best by praying about it, and by making plans. So, something doesn't go right, I think, "What do I have to work with, and what are my options to solve the problem?" Once I come up with a good way to deal with the problem, I usually feel more at ease. This way it's not, "Something went wrong! Oh noes! D;" Instead, it's, "Something went wrong, but I know what I'm going to do to fix it." For you, it seems like this is going to involve retaking your courses. This could also involve changing your major to courses you find easier, transferring to a different school, or maybe even exploring career choices that don't require a college degree (contrary to current public opinion, there is no shame in pursuing a career that doesn't require a college degree. There are lots of careers that don't require a degree that pay WAY better than other careers. You might still need some sort of certification, but your education will be different).

Oh no! *hugs* Well, you've got two choices. One is to make every attempt to get over the guy. The other is to continue to let yourself be in love with him, and be as patient as possible, and hope he loves you back someday. The first option is more likely to keep your sanity from running away.

lol, this is why I assume everyone is bi until I'm told otherwise. That way I can't be completely wrong either way.

Windshield washer fluid... at the grocery store????? My, my, my... you will do anything to go to the grocery store. Well, we do need a few other things too. If the grocery store doesn't have it, there is an auto parts store next door I can get it from.

Wouldn't that have been great if it was LifesEagle?!?!? It would be pretty funny

So, today two girls with British accents came into DQ, and one of them looked a lot like you. XD

I can see where mom got it from. It's little to do with how he treats me, but more the fact that at lot of his traits are stereotypical of gay men. That doesn't really bother me. I have many masculine traits, so we balance each other out. As for him being bi, I've already settled in my mind that I don't care if he's bi. It would mean more competition, sure, but like you said, I'm the one he picked already. That said, my visit with Phil today was nice. We just played video games with his sister, but it was still wonderful to see him again, and he was acting perfectly normal again, which was reassuring. I plan to visit him at the grocery store tomorrow. Gotta remember to get windshield washer fluid..... And work today was good too. So far I like working at DQ; it's a lot of fun.

Hey yeah, I do remember you! XD Horatio is right, I am in college and working at DQ for the summer. I also have an awesome boyfriend now, and will be graduating next year. I'm planning to teach middle school science. I have my own topic here, the link is in my probably horribly outdated signature, though it's lots of pages long, so feel free to skip through it. I think it runs through much of high school and all of college.

Yeah. I was talking to mom about it (I said I wanted to see Phil maybe sometime tomorrow, and she questioned whether it was me wanting to see him or the other way around, and it went from there), and she started going on about how she thinks that Phil might be gay, and that that's what he's been dwelling on. I am certain that this is not the case, but she wouldn't drop the subject until I told her that, "Sometimes when he hugs me, that's not his cell phone in his pocket." I mean, I can see where she gets it from; Phil can be very feminine, and a number of people have mistaken him for gay, but I know that he finds me to be attractive. I suppose it's possible that he's bi, but he's certainly not completely gay. Mom was at lest happy to see that I took steps to investigate and solve the problem of his quietness though. Today I told Phil that I'm going to leave when we spend time together up to him. Lately, every time I ask when I get to see him, he doesn't have a distinct answer, citing things like his grandmother's plans and his great grandmother being in the hospital. So, since his schedule is much more difficult than mine, I decided to just have him suggest times and places to hang out, since he has a better idea of when we can hang out than I do. Today he's been much more talkative and happy sounding, and said he'd talk to his gram to see if I can come over to visit before work tomorrow. So, I can see that things already seem to be improving.

Well, I logically knew that it wasn't me, because I couldn't think of anything I was doing wrong, and he kept insisting that it's nothing I was doing wrong. But being that I was the one that felt ignored, it *felt* like I was doing something wrong. And the thing is; Phil doesn't *want* to be open about this. He's dead set on taking care of it himself, whatever that entails. I'm not going to pressure him to open up and tell me exactly what's on his mind, because I think that will just frustrate him more. So like I said, I did tell him that if he changes his mind, he can always talk to me about it, and that I'm here for him no matter what. Also, I don't think that his problems are something that will be over "soon," as he's been trying to work through this himself for years, and refuses to let anyone try to help. It just seems that lately the conditions that trigger his high level of dwelling on problems have been coming up more than usual. I'm not sure why he wants to get through this on his own, so I just chalk it up to typical male stubbornness, even though by most counts he's not a typical male. So, whatever his choices end up being on this matter, I'll support him through it, even if it just means giving him lots of space to think as he needs it.

Hokay, two big things lol. Yesterday was my first day of work! I was there for about 7 hours, which was exhausting, but it's a fun place to work, and my boss already likes me. My coworkers all seem friendly and were willing to answer questions I had (like what goes into what blizzard or sundae or whatever, since there are like eighty thousand possibilities). Today I finally managed to talk to Phil, since the lack of communication and affection was driving me insane, to the point of tears, and "I'm just tired, and I don't talk when I'm tired," didn't seem to fit quite right. I made sure to explain to him that I still love him and don't want to break up with him, and that the lack of communication was getting to me and making me worry. I started the conversation off by telling him I wanted to know what I am to him and what I mean to him, to which he responded (after a very long pause) that I'm the only person outside of his family that he can depend on, and that I mean a lot to him. That seems fair enough to me. So I went on to further explain exactly why the not talking was upsetting me, and he seems to understand. It seems that the problem isn't just that he's tired, but rather that he's trying to sort out some problems from his past, and when he's tired he tends to dwell on them and not want to talk. He also explained that this is something he wants to take care of all on his own, with no help from anyone, including myself. He recognized that it's not okay that he's been so antisocial towards me, but that he is trying, and that he's still learning how to be affectionate and communicate and all that. I made sure to tell him that I'm here for him no matter what, whether he wants to talk about his problems or not, and that I won't think any less of him for seeking help with his problems. I can understand and respect all that. I explained to Phil that knowing more makes me worry less, so while he doesn't want to talk about the problems on his mind, he agreed to try to tell me when he's antisocial because he's dwelling on them, so I would at least know *why* he's so quiet and so I won't worry about it (because I worry that it's related to his feelings towards me, which isn't the case). So, this is going to be a bit of a challenge, but at least I have some answers. I'm the type of person that wants to help as much as possible, especially when it comes to Phil because I care about him so much, and hate seeing him distressed by anything, and there's nothing I can do for him since he wants to deal with it himself. Not knowing, and not being able to do anything is hard for me. Phil says he's always had a hard time sharing and communicating with people, so it's hard for him too. So, it's going to be tough, but at least now we understand each other a little bit better.

Ohhh I've always wanted to visit there! It looks like such a beautiful laid back type of place!

Yes, communication is important, but there are times when someone just has to sort things out in their own head. Give him time. If you push, it may only keep him from talking. So, just treat Phil like nothing is wrong and don't worry about him not telling you everything. It will happen, he just needs to know you are there with him and you can give him the support he needs without him spilling his guts. Well the problem isn't so much him not telling me everything as that he acts differently when he's preoccupied with something, and then insists that nothing is wrong, when something clearly is. And naturally, since I see the effects of his being bothered by something in the form of him being super quiet and sounding annoyed with me, I start to worry that it has something to do with me, and I worry that something is upsetting him, because I don't like seeing him upset whether it's my fault or not. So, I'd be okay even if he just told me a general thing about what's bothering him and saying he doesn't want to talk about it. That would be fine. But knowing nothing at all scares me for some reason. Also, when he gets like this, the way he acts towards me makes me question how he feels about me, since he tends to act like he's annoyed with me when he's upset over something. Like, I asked when I get to see him again, and he said, "idk, I have work late for the next four days or more, and I have to eat dinner." Now, I hang out with him after dinner with no problems, so statements like this make it sound like he doesn't care about seeing me, which is really discouraging. Now, he was acting like this around finals, so I dismissed it as finals stress, but now he's home, and I have no idea what's causing this. My guess is that Phil is back home under his grandparents roof and their rules. This has to be extremely stressful. He has lived at college with his own rules as to when he will be on the computer, when he can come and go and now he is back home being treated like a kid. This must be hard for him. Please believe in yourself that the relationship you both have is a good one. Please give him time. It is not you. I got to see him today when I went grocery shopping, which was good. I know our relationship is good, but it bothers me how little we've been talking lately. Unfortunately, I was unable to talk to him about that today. >_< It was good that you were unable to discuss what was on your mind. Work is never a good place for that. ohgosh I'd never bring something like that up while he's at work. I wanted to talk to him online about it lol.

Yes, communication is important, but there are times when someone just has to sort things out in their own head. Give him time. If you push, it may only keep him from talking. So, just treat Phil like nothing is wrong and don't worry about him not telling you everything. It will happen, he just needs to know you are there with him and you can give him the support he needs without him spilling his guts. Well the problem isn't so much him not telling me everything as that he acts differently when he's preoccupied with something, and then insists that nothing is wrong, when something clearly is. And naturally, since I see the effects of his being bothered by something in the form of him being super quiet and sounding annoyed with me, I start to worry that it has something to do with me, and I worry that something is upsetting him, because I don't like seeing him upset whether it's my fault or not. So, I'd be okay even if he just told me a general thing about what's bothering him and saying he doesn't want to talk about it. That would be fine. But knowing nothing at all scares me for some reason. Also, when he gets like this, the way he acts towards me makes me question how he feels about me, since he tends to act like he's annoyed with me when he's upset over something. Like, I asked when I get to see him again, and he said, "idk, I have work late for the next four days or more, and I have to eat dinner." Now, I hang out with him after dinner with no problems, so statements like this make it sound like he doesn't care about seeing me, which is really discouraging. Now, he was acting like this around finals, so I dismissed it as finals stress, but now he's home, and I have no idea what's causing this. My guess is that Phil is back home under his grandparents roof and their rules. This has to be extremely stressful. He has lived at college with his own rules as to when he will be on the computer, when he can come and go and now he is back home being treated like a kid. This must be hard for him. Please believe in yourself that the relationship you both have is a good one. Please give him time. It is not you. I got to see him today when I went grocery shopping, which was good. I know our relationship is good, but it bothers me how little we've been talking lately. Unfortunately, I was unable to talk to him about that today. >_<

Yes, communication is important, but there are times when someone just has to sort things out in their own head. Give him time. If you push, it may only keep him from talking. So, just treat Phil like nothing is wrong and don't worry about him not telling you everything. It will happen, he just needs to know you are there with him and you can give him the support he needs without him spilling his guts. Well the problem isn't so much him not telling me everything as that he acts differently when he's preoccupied with something, and then insists that nothing is wrong, when something clearly is. And naturally, since I see the effects of his being bothered by something in the form of him being super quiet and sounding annoyed with me, I start to worry that it has something to do with me, and I worry that something is upsetting him, because I don't like seeing him upset whether it's my fault or not. So, I'd be okay even if he just told me a general thing about what's bothering him and saying he doesn't want to talk about it. That would be fine. But knowing nothing at all scares me for some reason. Also, when he gets like this, the way he acts towards me makes me question how he feels about me, since he tends to act like he's annoyed with me when he's upset over something. Like, I asked when I get to see him again, and he said, "idk, I have work late for the next four days or more, and I have to eat dinner." Now, I hang out with him after dinner with no problems, so statements like this make it sound like he doesn't care about seeing me, which is really discouraging. Now, he was acting like this around finals, so I dismissed it as finals stress, but now he's home, and I have no idea what's causing this.

So, Phil seems to have been acting kinda distant lately, and I don't know what's up with that. He insists that everything is fine, but he's just not acting like it's fine. I told him I'm worried, and he says I have nothing to worry about, and that anything that's bothering him he'll just sort out on his own. That's all well and good, but I still worry about him and want to know what's bothering him. I wanted to talk to him about this, but apparently his grandfather cut the internet and said he needed to go to bed (usually his curfew is 11, and he doesn't have work until 12 tomorrow). So, I'm a bit concerned that he's not talking to me about things, whatever they are. We were both on maplestory for most of the day, and didn't have a chance to really talk because he was training, and in a bad mood. He also hasn't been on aim much. So, I dunno what's up with all of this, but I hope I can get him to talk to me more. Communication is important. :closedeyes: